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The official deity bodycount

We all know that being God-fearing is a good thing. Our creation scientists have completed an epic research project that statistically proves once and for all that the truly God-fearing become Christians – because the most fearsome deity is ours:

The Official Deity Bodycount:

Jesus

Taiping Rebellion (1851- 1864)
20,000,000 – 40,000,000

American Indians killed
20,000,000

AIDS 1981-98
11,700,000
By keeping condoms away from sinners. Catholic Priests have 4 times more AIDS cases than the regular population. Does that mean Jesus gets 3 quarters of AIDS smitings?

The Thirty Years War (1618-48)
8,000,000

Saracens slaughtered in Spain
7,000,000

Jews killed in Holocaust
6,000,000

France: Catholic vs. Huguenot (1562-1598)
2,000,000 – 4,000,000

Saxons and Scandinavian pagans killed
2,000,000

Rwanda and Burundi (1959-95)
1 350 000

Bush’s Crusade in Iraq
1,200,000+ (God told him to do it!)

People killed under the orders of God in the Bible
1,283,000

Spanish Inquisition (1478-1834)
350,000

Ivan the Terrible, Russia, (r.1533-84)
200,000

Bosnia and Herzegovina (1992-95):
175 000

Poland (1648-54) Jews slaughtered
150,000-200,000

Witch Hunts (1400-1800)
100,000

Peasants’ War, Germany (1524-25)
100,000

Vlad The Impaler, Wallachia (r.1456-1462)
50,000-100,000

Jews killed as scapegoats for Black Death, West Europe (1348)
20,000+

US Lynchings, first wave (1865-76)

3,500 – 20,000

Lisbon (1506) Converted Jews killed
2,000-4,000

US Lynchings, second wave (1900-50)
1,986

INVISIBLE HAND
Smoking, 20th century
90,000,000

Victorian Imperial Famines (1876-1900)
31,700,000 – 61,300,000

French Equatorial Africa (1900-40)
12,000,000

Congo Free State (1886-1908)
8 000 000 – 21,500,000

Slave trade (Christian)
15,000,000 – 20,000,000

Slave trade (Islamic)
19,000,000

Shock Therapy, Russia 1992+
3,200,000 – 10,000,000 (sources for Low Estimate and High estimate)

Climate Change, 1999-2009
3,000,000

Ireland, Famine (1845-48)
750,000

Destruction of Amazonian Indians (1900-99)
500,000

Forced laborers worked to death in Portuguese colonies (1900-25):
325 000

Rubber companies in Peru and Brazil, worker deaths (1900-12):
250 000

ALLAH

Chinese Muslim Rebellion, (1862-1877)
8,000,000 – 12,000,000

Timur Lenk (1369-1405)
5,000,000

Sudan (1983 et seq.)
1 900 000

East Pakistan: Massacres 1971
1,250,000

Iran-Iraq War (Sunni VS Shia) 1980-88
1,000,000

Arab conquest
698,200

Algeria (1954-62)
675 000

Hindus killed, India, (1366)
500,000

India-Pakistan Partition 1947
250,000

Lebanon 1976-2000
150,000

Syria’s Shia(Alawite) vs Sunni civil war (in progress)
100,000

Algeria: Islamic fundamentalist insurrection (1992-2002)
100 000

War Between Christians and Druses, Lebanon (1860)
30,000

Persia (1848-54)
20,000 Babis (Baha’is) massacred.

India, Sepoy Mutiny (1857)
15,000

Massacre of Armenians (1895-96)
5,000 – 75,000

Israeli War of Independence 1948
11,000

Bengali War of Independence 1971
11,000

2nd Indo-Pak War 1965
7,000

Shinto God-emperor
Pacific war, 1933-1945
24,000,000

HINDU GODS

Thuggee human sacrifices
9,100,000

India-Pakistan Partition 1947
250,000

Widow Burning
62,400 per century until 1829

India, Sepoy Mutiny (1857)
5,000 – 75,000

PAGAN

Mongol Crusades
40,000,000

Human sacrifices during dedication of a temple of Huitzilopochtli in Tenochtitlan by Aztec king Ahuitzotl (1487)
80,000

South Africa, Xhosa self-destruction (1857)
40,000 starved

China, human sacrifices 750-1050
13,000

BUDDAH and company
Taoist Yellow Turban Rebellion
3,000,000 – 7,000,000

Boxer Rebellion
115,000

Vietnam, Persecution of Christians (ca. 1832-1887)
40,000

Conclusion:

I have not worked out the precise numbers but it seems Jesus is easily the most fearsome, with about one hundred million smitings to his credit before you even count His Invisible Hand, at which point it adds up to a quarter-billion confirmed kills.

The Pagan deity that sent Ghengis Khan crusading gets second place. After all, many of his Mongol warriors were Christians.

Allah and the Hindu gods seem to be tied for third with about dozen million victims, Allah wins the bronze though, because his number is doubled if you count slavery in the Islamic world.

The Hindu gods used to do a lot of sacrifices in prehistoric times, but unless they nuke Pakistan soon they’ll become a historical footnote among the God-fearing.

Non-Mongol Pagans seem to be the same story as the Hindus, though at least the pagan gods have the excuse that they hardly have any believers to do the smiting for them.

Buddah is pathetic, no wonder he’s so fat, having not gotten off his butt to do a single smiting for an entire century now.

Got that, God-fearers?

THE GOD-FEARING FEAR JESUS!

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Replies:
Mary Etheldreda (27-12-2013 09:37 PM): What about Pol Pot, the communistic ruler of Cambodia or Kampuchia? He killed it must be in the several millions. This is The official deity bodycount thread, dear. 🙂 ...
Jeb Stuart Thurmond (03-07-2014 09:35 PM): This is a tangent that might deserve it's own thread, but I'm skeptical when I read a history book that says that when soldiers capture a city, lots of rape follows. I think historians get this wrong ...
TheLittleBoy (04-07-2014 11:02 AM): Funny how the christian god killed millions of people in the bible, but Satan only killed nearly 10 people, when dared by god. ( Job's family ) ...
Attila's Wife (04-07-2014 11:28 AM): Funny how the christian god killed millions of people in the bible, but Satan only killed nearly 10 people, when dared by god. ( Job's family ) Could you perhaps explain why that's funny, dear? I seem ...
Marko Loimaan-Aho (04-07-2014 02:19 PM): Funny how the christian god killed millions of people in the bible, but Satan only killed nearly 10 people, when dared by god. ( Job's family ) Well, actually that is a thing, we all can joy. However, ...
Jeb Stuart Thurmond (06-06-2015 12:24 AM): ...
Show all 38 replies.