Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today!
 

Hey kids! Have you ever had to sit in your fifth grade class and listen to your atheist schoolmates drone on and on about how much they hate God and love making him angry by fornicating all the time? Did you then think to yourself "I hate how so many people in the world would rather spit on Baby Jesus than accept His gift of Salvation, but I don't know what I can do to stop it."? Well, I am pleased to announce the formation of a super-cool True Christian™ club that's dedicated to stopping all forms of sexual Godmockery and keeping kids pure until they enter a marriage that can only be left through the most byzantine of circumstances! I'm talking about the Junior Anti-Sex League!

http://img411.imageshack.us/img411/8...0x480front.jpg

So what is the Junior Anti-Sex League? Why, we're a group of only the coolest youths who are interested in stopping all fornication by attacking it at it's source; by banning birth control and any sexual education that isn't abstinence-only! Here's our mission statement:

"Our mission: To work towards a world where Biblical precepts regarding fornication are rigidly enforced, where marital sex is to be looked on as a disgusting minor operation, and where our children are protected from the corrupting message of any educational approach that doesn't view total abstinence before marriage as the ONLY correct answer!"

Shout Glory! Doesn't that just sound awesome? I might even go so far as to say it's totally radical.

Now, in addition to being a member of a group that's comprised of the coolest kids on the block who like to pay special attention to the parts of the Bible mentioning the wickedness of fornicators (Proverbs 2, 5, 7 and 9 come to mind immediately!), every full member of the Junior Anti-Sex League will receive a red sash to wear around their waist so they can show the world not only how seriously cool they are, but how serious they are about saving it for marriage!

So what are you waiting for, kids? Join the Junior Anti-Sex League today!

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

What a wonderful, original idea that you have come up with Sister Lycia! I have no doubt many of the problems we face in this world (hurricanes, tornadoes, stock market and economic collapses, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan) are due to God being angry and punishing us for allowing wanton premarital sex to happen among youth. I'd be more than happy to volunteer to devote my time to helping young women in your group learn to protect themselves against the temptation of fornication.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Praise! Now that sounds like the kind of groovy idea that today's youth will really think is "Exceptionally wizard*, dude!"

* Wizard here is being used as a piece of harmless teen slang, and has no actual connection to Satan's Dark Arts.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

What ages are you looking at?

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

You can count me in! I'm all about helping kids find JESUS!

Please tell them then can also receive a FREE T-SHIRT for joining my Anti-Masturbation Club!

:thumbsup:

Sister Thumper

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Well, the Junior Anti-Sex League is primarily geared towards young adults interested in a primarily sexless existence, but the group is open to anybody and everybody who is interested in bringing about a world where fornication and pre-marital sex aren't just sins, but sins with appropriate Biblical punishments. The Junior Anti-Sex League is already proud to count the esteemed Rev. Jim Osbourne as not only a member but the leader of the Young Ladies' Division, and we are proud to accept any older members who are interested in steering our nation's children toward a chaste and pure future.

Let me just leave you with this bit of scripture, Sister BiG. We're always on the lookout not only for interested youths, but also for people who can teach them proper True Christian™ values. :thumbsup:

"The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." Titus 2:3-5

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

This is a superb idea!

One thing that confronts me - and is geared to entrap the young & ingenuous - is the proliferation of "ladies of the night" at the many music and "art" festivals that are so much in vogue. And not only by night! Wanton whores display themselves in full sunlight with no shame, and would entice others into a life of degradation UNLESS they had been educated in how to recognise the signs. Forewarned is forearmed.

*Look what can so soon result (although in Australia - a nation built on compulsory prostitution - this might not be so unusual)
*And we are up against this sort of propaganda! :bad:

I can't think about this any more now. I need to go and lie down.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

I'd love to join! But, I have 2 concerns. Does me not being a True Christian stop me from joining? And does my being in England matter?

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

I joined! :)

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Well Josh, not being a True Christian™ is a little bit of a problem, but I see that you have been making a serious effort to get yourself Saved©. As of right now the Junior Anti-Sex League is open to anybody who's interested in stopping fornication, but know that any suggestions you make as to the League's policy will need to be vetted by a True Christian™ leader of the League. Also, League membership is dependent on acting in a manner that coincides with League goals, and membership may be revoked for conduct unbefitting of the League.

As for you residing in England, I don't think that will be a problem. It is true that God has turned his favor away from Englandistan in recent years, but if it weren't for King James we wouldn't have the KJV Bible, so in a way you can even say that the Junior Anti-Sex League owes its existence to Englandistan (but more to America)!

So, I am hereby offering you (and any other people interested in stopping fornication who aren't True Christians™) a chance to join the Junior Anti-Sex League as an Outer Member. This gives you the right to join the group's presence on the LBC forums, partake in our discussions and to proudly let people know you are a member. However, we do restrict the official red sash to our True Christian™ Full Members, so we will not be sending you one at this time. You are allowed to make your own unofficial red sash though, so long as you acknowledge your Outer Membership status on it.

Now, on a different note, I am pleased to announce the Junior Anti-Sex League has taken an official position on the recruitment of older members, as this seems to have been a bit of a point of consternation. In the interest of having enough members where we can always watch and lovingly correct our Outer Members when they may stray from the path of chastity, the Junior Anti-Sex League is officially open to all applicants, regardless of age. Furthermore, we ask that any Full Members over the age of 24 be addressed with the titles "Big Brother" and "Big Sister" (as opposed to just "Brother" and "Sister") in all official Junior Anti-Sex League correspondence.

Thank you for your time friends, and remember, we will one day have a world where the grievous sins of fornication and pre-marital sex are dealt with exactly how God wants. Praise Jesus! :thumbsup:

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Thank you for inviting me, Lycia. How do I join? I went to the group's page, and it doesn't have a Join button that I can see.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

It should be at the top of the page, right across from where it says "Social Group". Let me know if you still can't get it and I'll set the group to send you an invitation. :thumbsup:

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

The members of this group need to get laid, seriously.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

The members of this group that are married (if there are any) could "get laid", as you put it. The other's couldn't. I'm not sure if it's classed as Adultery or Fornication, either way, it's wrong.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

There isn't a button there. It may be because I'm not a True Christian, but I can't find the button. Could you please invite me?

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Hmm, it seems that JesOS has the forums set so users under investigation cannot join social groups. I wasn't aware of that, so I apologize for that. However, as leader of the Junior Anti-Sex League I hereby give you permission to refer to yourself as a probationary member until the results of your DoF investigation are processed. Though your name won't appear in the official membership lists please feel free to spread our message of chastity and purity.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Thank you Lycia. What does DoF stand for, and why am I being investigated by them? I suppose it is because I might secretly be a God-Mocking Pastafarian?

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

According to the bible, God killed 2,391,421 people and Satan only killed 10.

Anyone think that we could be following the wrong guy?

I just read the sickest book in the world.

There was paedophilia, incest, rape, violence, domestic abuse, jews, blacks, pakis. It was piffleing great.

I think it was called 'The Bible'.
So what if Jesus turned water into wine...I turned a whole student loan into Vodka once. Your move Jesus...

Jesus may have walked on water, but Stephen Hawking runs on batteries.

So Jesus was crucified on Good Friday and rose from the dead on the Sunday?

Just in time for half price Easter eggs. Typical piffleing Jew.

you thought you had lag?

It took Jesus 3 days to respawn.
Don't you love the tan lines that girls get after sunbathing? It's almost like god came down and highlighted all the important parts.
BBC News - "Stephen Hawking: God did not create Universe"

If God DID exist, he'd be pretty pissed off. In fact, if I was god I would probably have gone back in time and punished Hawking in some horrible way...

Nope, no sign of that.
Baptism.....

Another Excuse priests use to get kids wet

The problem with Baptists is that they don't hold them under water long enough
Christianity: One woman's lie about having an affair that got seriously out of hand.
I used to have an invisible friend, then I stopped going to church.

I got kicked out of the library once for moving all the Bibles to the fiction section.

A woman whose daughter was hospitalised in a US tornado told ITV News that "God would make her better." Presumably, that's a different God from the one that almost killed her with a tornado.

People who don't like their beliefs being laughed at shouldn't have such funny beliefs.

If we're all God's children, then what's so special about Jesus?

Anyone else find it funny that the disclaimer "The characters in this film are authentic and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental" is in the credits for 'The Passion of the Christ'?


I saw a sign outside a church which read:

"C H - R C H... There's only one thing missing."

I'm not sure "CHPROOFRCH" is even a word.


My christian neighbour told me that he will always follow his Bible.

So I threw it off a cliff

Christianity: the belief that a 2,000-year old Jewish zombie will get angry if you masturbate.

Christianity - The religion based on the irony of a carpenter being nailed to a giant wooden cross

How do you execute a real character?

By nailing him to a cross.






Mary: I have something to tell you... I'm pregnant. It's not yours. I'm sorry.

Joseph: ....Holy piffle.


Mary: Funny you should say that...

The Bible is too wordy, the stories are too wordy, there's no need for the ten commandments.

The Bible should be just one sheet of paper that says:

'Try not to be a cunt.'

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Woah, Genesisread, you seem to be pretty sceptic. And I suppose you could say Jesus "respawned", but not in the way as seen on Call Of Duty, where you die, and you're brought back to life. The Bible should be as it is, as it tells people how to live their lives. "Try not to be a cooter" is insuficient. And, God did punish Steven Hawking, by giving him a form of Motor Neurone Disease known as Amyotrophic Lateral Schlerosis, which I think is not enough. His punishment should have been death, and then eternity in the fires of Hell. But, I guess God just wanted to watch him suffer for a while, giving him that horrible disease, and then letting him spend eternity in Hell.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

This seems like a pretty swell idea.
We all know children strive to be cooler than each other, so if this means they are looked at as being cool, being safe, and following the LORD as well then we're killing three birds with one red sash!

Once one child joins, their unsaved friends will want to be in the "cool gang" too, and before you know it, it's a craze like pokeymon.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Are you English? There is an introduction section HERE where you can tell us about youself, and include a favourite Bible verse (perhaps tha one about a "pakis" whatever that is..). You need to click the button that looks like this:

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Excellent idea! Way to many young men and women think there is nothing wrong with premarital fornication. They don't understand that premarital sex will damn them to the fires of Hell. God didn't create sex to be enjoyed, HE created it so we have a way of bringing more Christian Soldiers into the world (and to save women through child-bearing). The ONLY reason to fornicate is for married couples to reproduce. Sex for any other reason or outside of marriage is wrong and sinful.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Would it be appropriate to give Reverend Osborne a special title in recognition of his extra-ordinary devotion to the Junior Anti-Sex cause? Just calling him "Daddy" would work if only it weren't for the unfortunate Catholic connotations, and the fact that we only have one Father, who is in Heaven.
What, when the Final Battle comes you want to be on the side of the wimp? :haha:
A) It's pretty racist to think that "Jews, blacks and pakis" fall into the category of sick stuff.
B ) Where are there Pakistanis in the Bible?
I hope your approach to essay-writing is better than your approach to post-writing.
Yes, that woman was stupid. Looks like God had it in for her daughter, you're right there.
True, but what have Muslims got to do with anything?
He died for your sins.
You really don't know much about the Bible, do you?

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

This idea is awsome! :thumbsup:

As you know we do have a lot of problem with fornication here in Europe.
I was thinking of starting a Swedish Chapter (or perhaps a Scaninavian if brother Johannes Kirkeholm has the time and is interested in the project).

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Gosh, Lycia!

That's the coolest, rockin'est logo EVER!

You guys and gals are on your way!
.
http://i376.photobucket.com/albums/o...0x480front.jpg

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

This is exactly what I have been looking for!! I, of course, want to wait until I have a husband. It is just so difficult because I attend one of the worst (public) schools in the state and I am always hounded by perverts (for lack of better word) who just will not leave me alone (they even tell me the things that they wish to do to me :yucky:), and I believe I need help dealing with it.
Do you by any chance have room left for a new member??

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

As Sister Lycia has explained, only those who have achieved True Christian status qualify for full membership. But I see no reason why you couldn't become an associate member in the meantime. Here in the Junior Anti-Sex League, there is always room to fit another member in.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Thank you very much Brother Temperance. I must have missed the part about the True Christian status. How would I achieve that status?

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Hello Ms. Jenny Sue. As Brother Temperance said, right now full membership in the Junior Anti-Sex League is restricted to True Christians™ and promising forum members. Additionally, the privilege of being sent the official red sash is restricted to True Christians™. However, don't let that stop you from spreading our message of chastity and purity! As leader of the Junior Anti-Sex League, I hereby allow you to consider yourself as a probationary member until we know a little more about you. Please remember that your probationary membership may be revoked if you act in a manner that is unbecoming of the League (not that I think it will be a problem! ;)).

Glad to have you aboard, Jenny!

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Thank you so very much Sister Lycia! Oh believe me that will never happen! My Father has raised me better then that.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Signed myself up! I'm no Bristol Palin, abstinence works for me!

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Sister Lycia, I am proud to say that O joined your group. I think it's important to spread the word of our Lord and Savior to the younger generation. Sometimes it may be necessary to pound it into them, but in the end, they'll thank True Christians for helping spread the Word of God to their young impressionable minds. I am honestly twitching with anticipation at the thought of soaking them in the Gospel!


You are indeed an inspiration to all of us and keep up the good work!



May God bless you!

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Dear JennySue:

Just speaking theoretically here...I bet there's nothing to stop a Probationary Member from making her OWN red sah and wearing it with PRIDE!

You Go, Girl (as the kids say today)

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EDIT: Sister Lycia: I wanted to offer to come to your group some Friday or Saturday night (when you're trying to keep the kids off the streets) and do a craft project, like weaving "Eyes of God™"

What you do is take popcicle sticks (twigs look too hippie-ish) and wrap yarn around them, moving from the inner section out. It's really fun, and bound to offer hours of good wholesome activity.

The kids will have a ball!

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Just wanted to clarify here that it is A-OK if you want to do that, Jenny! Feel free to make your own sash and wear it with pride while spreading our message of chastity and purity! :thumbsup:

Wow Sister, that is exactly the kind of super-cool activity I know our teen members will love! I know all too well the allure that fornication can have on an idle teenage mind, but if we True Christians™ keep coming up with "totally rad" ideas like that to keep our kids occupied, than pre-martial sex doesn't stand a chance! :thumbsup:

P.S. Have you considered joining as one of our "Big Sisters", Cookie? I know you are quite busy organizing many of Freehold's events, but we can always use another True Christian™ lady like yourself to show some of our girls the ropes when it comes to acting like a proper lady. Not to mention I think the official red sash would look lovely with that dress Brother James bought you. :)

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Sister Lycia, I've been giving this a lot of thought since I posted earlier. I have been told in the past that I am a pretty good public speaker and I would like to offer my oral skills to help spread the word of Christ to these future heathens. I am even available to show them why the need to accept the word of God into themselves in anyway that I can possible help do so. Of course, I would welcome any and all the Godly young ladies of Landover Baptist to help me guide it into them, and even help with my oral explanations. In fact, I encourage them to partake as well!


Again.....God bless all of you and keep up your fantastic work!

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

I propose this to you, Mistress Cookie and Lycia. We do this at my school in Textile Class, and all the kids really enjoy it! You get two circles of cardboard, cut another, smaller holw in the middle, wrap some knitting wool, or yarn, around them untill you have it around the whole thing at least 3 times, cut around the edges, and take out the cardboard. It makes a perfect sphere made with as many colours that you can put in there! I think we could have Mistress Cookie's idea on one night, and mine on another? Or alternating weeks?

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

You can't go wrong with the 'three Ps': Pasta. Paper plates.

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

Joshua, I notice your question went unanswered.

The Department of Faith is a joint Landover-US government initiative. All members are thoroughly investigated by the DoF before being permitted entry.

And please, don't joke about being a Pastafarian. That's like cracking wise about your new laptop being "the bomb" to a TSA agent. OK? :thumbsup:
Mistress Cookie may dress rather flamboyantly at times, but we will all thank you not to refer to her as a "local prostitute". Her body is the temple of Jesus, and only He may enter! She told me so herself, repeatedly! :angry:
Careful, Brother. You know what Pasta can lead to, with certain weaker souls about. We don't want to put forth a stumblingblock! :thumbsup:

Oprah?
Obama?
:headscratch:

Re: Help make a difference! Join the Junior Anti-Sex League Today
 

My apologies on the typo Reverend. It was noticed by me after I was able to edit it. My incompetence is unforgivable and I will pray for forgiveness and that it never happens again.


It should simply read that I too have joined the group.