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-   -   Bossomeness' Introduction (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=98126)

bossomeness 03-29-2014 04:26 AM

Bossomeness' Introduction
 
Hey! I'm bossomeness, which is my "online name". I am a member of Simpsonville United Methodist Church, and have been all my life. I came to know God through my parents, who had me baptized at that church. I hope to be an active member in the community in the future. :D

Pastor Ezekiel 03-29-2014 04:35 AM

Re: Bossomeness' Introduction
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bossomeness (Post 1077329)
Hey! I'm bossomeness, which is my "online name". I am a member of Simpsonville United Methodist Church, and have been all my life. I came to know God through my parents, who had me baptized at that church. I hope to be an active member in the community in the future. :D

Dear Egomaniac;

Please give us your actual name, your gender, your age and your location. And please be advised that Methodless is not a Christian church.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.


YIC,

--Pastor Ezekiel

Mother Of Seven 03-29-2014 04:37 AM

Re: Bossomeness' Introduction
 
I think you've left an 'L' out of your name Miss Blossom.
What is your favourite verse from the Bible?
Why don't you drink?

Witch Hammer 03-29-2014 04:57 AM

Re: Bossomeness' Introduction
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bossomeness (Post 1077329)
Hey! I'm bossomeness, which is my "online name". I am a member of Simpsonville United Methodist Church, and have been all my life. I came to know God through my parents, who had me baptized at that church. I hope to be an active member in the community in the future. :D

Are you here to shake your dirty pillows in Baby Jesus' face? In our faces? For your information, I draw my spiritual nourishment from the wellspring of life eternal, which is the arterial spray of The Savior, not from some leathery, crusted teat. Please change your name to something more palatable, lest I become ill...

Faith_Machine 03-29-2014 07:06 AM

Re: Bossomeness' Introduction
 
I share Witch Hammer's concern. Kindly upload a profile picture so we can make sure you are dressed appropriately.

James Hutchins 03-29-2014 11:30 AM

Re: Bossomeness' Introduction
 
A 'Methodist'.

Friend, that is saying a you are as much of a Christian as Hellburger Helper is a Porterouse. I'll pray for you friend.

Freddy Osborne 03-29-2014 01:21 PM

Re: Bossomeness' Introduction
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bossomeness (Post 1077329)
Hey! I'm bossomeness, which is my "online name". I am a member of Simpsonville United Methodist Church, and have been all my life. I came to know God through my parents, who had me baptized at that church. I hope to be an active member in the community in the future. :D

Hello and welcome to the Holiest of forums.

Do you have a bossome Bible verse for us?

Glory to The Father!

Naomi Ruth Lamb 03-29-2014 07:57 PM

Re: Bossomeness' Introduction
 
My Dear,


I take it you do not mean "bosom", since we do not speak of our firm, perky melons in public. It is only acceptable in the ladies' prayer shack, where each of us describe them in great detail every day.


(I just said that to get the men away for a bit, dear. We don't really do that, but I assure you the prayer shack just got an overload of male visitors)


Do you have a favorite Bible verse? Please share it with us, as the instructions ask you to do. And one does not simply find Jesus because your parents brought you up in a vile, heathen cult. You may spend years in a kiln, dear, but you'll only end up burnt and not at all looking like the ceramic vase that you perhaps thought would emerge. Jesus must be invited into our lives at the moment we repent of every foul sin we have ever committed so that He can slap us silly with His Salvation. It's a good slap, dear. (God is good, all the time) I am sorry that you had to endure the scourge of methodism (I refuse to capitalize it). A methodist is the reason why I had to leave a perfectly good Christian school in my younger years. I have no doubts that JESUS will smack the - um - sheet out of that little troll from hell come the Glory. Still, you have now wandered into the safe haven that is the Baptist Church - God's FAVORITE. Hallelujah! Glory to our Savior! Were I Pentecostal, I'd surely be speaking in tongues right now.


But I'm not, because I don't want to soil this lovely gingham dress Mother made for me when I was 19. It's still stylish, fits perfectly, and all the women were staring at it in services Sunday.


I look forward to your friendship once you renounce your former cult and find JESUS as He is meant to be found - not through osmosis.


In Our Lovely Lord (BLESS HIM),
Naomi Ruth


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