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-   -   I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=109783)

Johny Joe Hold 08-15-2016 08:28 PM

I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
What has happened to Pastor Zeke?

I used to touch base with Pastor Zeke regularly. A lot of money and other issues have passed between the Freehold City government and Landover Baptist Church. Right now there are pending deals, but no Pastor Zeke to move them forward.

I checked his hanger, the Boeing is gone. So is his favorite Escalade. No one admits to knowing his where he is or when he will return.

What I'm concerned about are his frequent travels to the Middle East. He has been going there to boost the moral of Christians who are being harmed by ISIS. We've all read about the murders and beheadings of Christians. Could Zeke be in harm's way?

So, I'm asking--no I'm begging. Please provide any information you have about our beloved Pastor Zeke.

Alvin Moss 08-15-2016 09:42 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Mr. Mayor, I fear he may have been abducted. He is a powerful voice for righteousness in America and there is an election soon. The enemies of God and America may want him silenced.

Cranky Old Man 08-15-2016 10:49 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
I didn't notice he was missing. My wife says that is because I always fall asleep in Church. All lies of course. Women lie all the time. Just look at Hillary Clinton.

Since the Boeing is gone I assume he is in some foreign country saving souls. I remember him being in Japan for years suffering those chinks day in and day out for Jesus. No wonder Zeke is God's favorite Pastor.

I will visit his house this afternoon to borrow some garden tools and see if his staff knows anything. They are not very good at speaking American but if I yell very loudly I am sure they will understand.

Alvin Moss 08-16-2016 12:11 AM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
I've been thinking about it and I'm sure the Democrats have him. Maybe if we hire Bill Clinton to give a speech they will let him go.

Didymus Much 08-16-2016 12:26 AM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Didn't he volunteer for that "First Person on Mars" thing? The way he was thinking, it was either prove what every True Christian™ already knows, i.e. that Mars is just a light attached to the Firmament (and this was a kinda sneaky way of exposing NASA's lies), or if it turned out Mars was really a whole new planet, he'd be the very first preacher there. Imagine all those Martian souls waiting to be Saved™. :thumbsup:

Faith_Machine 08-16-2016 02:59 AM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Right before he dropped out of sight, Pastor assured me he was going to leave word with the church leadership that the unfortunate warning in my signature file could be removed, and that I would be returned to full True Christian™ status, which, naturally, includes lifting ALL restrictions on my ability to communicate with new members via Skype, personal message, e-mail, Face Time, or whatever.

So can we please get the ball rolling on that?

Thank you in advance for your attention to this very small, inconsequential matter, which Pastor has already issued a ruling about.

Titus Templeton 08-16-2016 12:15 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
A few nights ago I had a dream about Pastor Ezekiel. I saw him bathing in a river in the middle of a desert. Not sure if it had a meaning, though.

BrotherLarry 08-16-2016 01:45 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Faith_Machine (Post 1186630)
Right before he dropped out of sight, Pastor assured me he was going to leave word with the church leadership that the unfortunate warning in my signature file could be removed, and that I would be returned to full True Christian™ status, which, naturally, includes lifting ALL restrictions on my ability to communicate with new members via Skype, personal message, e-mail, Face Time, or whatever.

So can we please get the ball rolling on that?

Thank you in advance for your attention to this very small, inconsequential matter, which Pastor has already issued a ruling about.

I do recall hearing about this directive but wasn't there something about a probationary period wherein restrictions would resume if there was any breach of trust? I, for one, have no doubt that FM's ministry to our youth would be enhanced by technology. I hear he has a complete library of the youth with whom he's had webcam discussions, many of them crying out, "Oh, God, Oh God". Praise Jesus!

Johny Joe Hold 08-16-2016 02:40 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by BrotherLarry (Post 1186645)
I do recall hearing about this directive but wasn't there something about a probationary period wherein restrictions would resume if there was any breach of trust? I, for one, have no doubt that FM's ministry to our youth would be enhanced by technology. I hear he has a complete library of the youth with whom he's had webcam discussions, many of them crying out, "Oh, God, Oh God". Praise Jesus!

I'm sure Brother Faith is accurate in recalling his private conversation with Pastor Zeke. My own understanding is that some, although they may not turn out to be important at all, questions remain as to what transpired during the long period when Mistress Cookie was missing and was being cared for by Brother Faith.

If others can shed light on this issue it would be helpful. In the meantime, we must keep up our search for Pastor Zeke.

Nobar King 08-16-2016 10:17 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
No one worried about me this much when I went hunting for two weeks last month.

Faith_Machine 08-17-2016 03:17 AM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
That's not true, Nobar. Your wife was distraught, and I was so worried, I did not dare leave her alone in that big, empty house.

PetitionLady 08-17-2016 01:54 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Has anyone checked with Sister Daisy Mae Johnson?

BrotherLarry 08-17-2016 02:13 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by PetitionLady (Post 1186670)
Has anyone checked with Sister Daisy Mae Johnson?

I believe in the past when Zeke is off on his mission trips, he rarely communicated with Sister Johnson, claiming it interfered with his ability to concentrate on saving the souls of young Asian boys. He needed to have his full attention centered on the process of getting these boys back on his plane and exiting 3rd world countries so they could be reached for Jesus. He had a knack for getting them on their knees quickly - so romantic distractions were discouraged. Of course, Daisy completely understood.

She also completely understands why Zeke has continued to put off their marriage for so many years. After all, the good pastor wants to be sure it's God's will. So much energy has been expended fighting those nasty rumors that he has no intention of ever getting married - it's sad.

Johny Joe Hold 08-18-2016 01:19 AM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
I may be wrong, but take a close look at the guy immediately behind Donald with a ball cap on as a disguise. Not the security guy with the ear piece but the one on his left. The side view is very similar to Pastor Zeke. Whoever he is, he is giving instructions to Donald:


By Start Making Sense and Jon Wiener
https://www.thenation.com/wp-content...owd_ap_img.jpg
Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump greets supporters after a rally on in Costa Mesa, California. (AP Photo / Chris Carlson)

Alvin Moss 08-18-2016 05:34 AM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
The profile seems familiar, but I can't place him. Is it Clint Eastwood?

Titus Templeton 08-18-2016 11:15 AM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
I think it's time for a little rant. For many months Pastor Ezekiel asked very kindly for a new multi-million dollar airplane so he can do his job all over the country. But nothing happened. He was probably very dissapointed into the lack of financial help. I just pray that he finds forgiveness for us and comes back!

Johny Joe Hold 08-18-2016 01:58 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Alvin Moss (Post 1186707)
The profile seems familiar, but I can't place him. Is it Clint Eastwood?

You might be right. I wish the photo was just a bit more clear. We know Pastor Zeke is doing something important--let's keep watching for him in news photos.

I Man Rastafari 08-18-2016 04:45 PM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Maybe he has gone to the Olympics in Brazil.

Johny Joe Hold 08-19-2016 02:48 AM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by I Man Rastafari (Post 1186721)
Maybe he has gone to the Olympics in Brazil.

Pastor Zeke has always been angry that free condoms are passed out to male athletes at the Olympics. It would not surprise me if he showed up there to give fiery sermons against sin, especially sex.

Elmer G. White 08-19-2016 05:10 AM

Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
 
1 Attachment(s)
Mr. Mayor,

Things are indeed worrisome and alarming. Many hypothetical whereabouts of our sweet Pastor Ezekiel must be carefully considered, including the possibility that he's been Raptured, which would not be totally surprising, as he is the most perfect and immaculate human being on Earth at the moment - or in Heaven in case he actually was Raptured. While this development would be extremely good news to Jesus, as they could plan for the Events for the End of Times in a more intimate relationship, it would make the Work of Spreading the Gospel even harder for us who still have to abide this Rotten Earth in expectation of Eternity. Zeke is (or was in case he ware Raptured) the best of the best. His love towards everyone, even his Filipino houseboys, was unprecedented.

Philemon 1:7
For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother.


Thus, our Rapture Preparation Committee now participates in the Missing Children Milk Carton Program and the following image will be available nationwide in all supermarkets and dairy product outlets. We're expecting positive results within the hour!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer :bye:


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