Lost...and Formerly Alone
Hello, my name is John Hamilton, and I'm a twenty-two year old firefighter from Interior Alaska. I was raised as a Baptist when I was a child; my family and I used to go to the First Baptist Church, in Delta Junction, Alaska, but we haven't gone there in years...faith just kind of lost it's importance to my family after what happened to me in Utah when I was twelve. ...I have a lot of hatred, wrath, and pain inside of me. Sometimes I feel like I might die with all the hate in my veins...long story short, I was kidnapped when I was a little kid, and they did things to me that I can't talk about with anyone because it's too graphic and horrific. They kept me hostage for years; there came a point one day where I just didn't care about anything anymore; I became numb, and empty, and just went somewhere else in my head for a while. Day in, day out, the torture and abuse continued. ...I think they liked what they were turning me into; it like...fascinated them, or something. To see a child become so broken inside that nothing matters to him anymore, nothing phases him anymore, and he doesn't feel anything at all anymore. ...They released me when I was seventeen years old, and I simply went back home; thousands of miles away to the arctic tundra of Alaska.
...I told my friends and families that I was able to escape...a lie. I'm not sure why I told them that; my captors simply let me go, released me of their own accord...smiling as they did so; like this was all just some kind of a game or a practical joke of theirs, all done in "good fun" or some sick shit like that. Coming home felt like coming home for the very first time. I was surprised to find that I didn't actually know exactly where our house was located; as a little kid I never really had to worry about my address or getting home by myself. I knew the general landmarks and area though. ...Felt really surreal walking up my family's driveway again for the first time. It was winter at the time; the forest trees covered in snow on either side of the path turned our driveway into a tunnel of sorts; it was even more beautiful in the summer when the leaves were in full bloom. There weren't any tracks in the snow; everything was clean, pure and pristine. So much in contrast to what my soul had turned into, my footprints looking so alone behind me. I could hardly believe my eyes when I finally reached our house and saw it again for the first time in years. For some reason it never occurred to me that my family not be here anymore; maybe they had moved away. Maybe I just knew subconsciously that they were still waiting for me, clinging onto the hope that I was still alive and would one day find my way back home. For some reason though I was nervous about seeing them again; just a little. Would they even recognize me anymore? I didn't ponder it for long; didn't even lose a step moving to the front door, reaching my hand out to knock on the hard wood, as if I were merely a visitor, and needed to be invited inside my own home. Nothing. Knocked again. It was late; maybe they were asleep. Knocked again. I heard noises inside then; someone stumbling out of bed, the floorboards creaking as they approached to answer the door. It was my father. He looked tired. He had gray hairs on his head now. I'd grown over a foot. At first I don't think he quite recognized me, but only for a split second. "Hi dad." I said, just in case he needed me to confirm it. His jaw was hanging open, closing, opening, closing, and dropping again. ...It kinda scared me; I thought maybe he was having some kind of an episode haha; didn't want him to have a heart attack. That'd be a pretty shitty reunion lol. XD He regained his composure though, and hurried me inside, and hugged me tight; we've never hugged each other so tight and so long before in my life. Mom came out a few moments later. Her reaction was about the same. I didn't say anything; just ran to her to embrace her in a big hug as well. ....She totally freaked later when I got out of the shower; seeing my body covered in scars from head to toe, blazing white against my reddish skin (I took a boiling hot shower; a habit that probably started then...I kinda like physical pain now.) ...It was until the next day though that things started to really sink in for me though. ...Everything was different now. Everything in our house seemed so much smaller to me now; fragile and delicate. I could now nearly press my hand against the ceiling, whereas the last time I had been there I could never hope to reach the ceiling, not even if I jumped as high as my little body could. ...My room wasn't much different though. My parents couldn't bring themselves to clean it out. Still looked like a a little boy's room, with stuffed animals and action figures and other toys and games. ...Felt kind of out of place there; I remember having so much fun playing in there...but I didn't know how to play with toys anymore; I don't know how to pretend or make-believe anymore. The town itself had changed a bit as well; business had picked up on the missile defense base, bringing in a bunch of new people, boosting the population by hundreds if not thousands...it used to be a little town where everyone knew everyone else. Now there were a bunch of new buildings and houses and families and everything was different....kinda started sinking in then the awful truth behind the words "You can never go home again." I'm a total stranger to my former family and friends now. Some of them can tell; saying "You've changed..." with mixed-emotions; like they couldn't tell what changed, and for better or for worse, just that something was very different about me now. Some of the adults knew my story; knew that I'd been taken as a little boy. They always look at me with sad faces now. My old friends? They thought it was so cool; like I'd just come back from the dead or something. None of their parents ever told them the truth about why I had disappeared all of a sudden, because little kids should never have to be told shit like that about one of their best friends; that he was taken by monsters and twisted into something inhuman, cold, and heartless. ...But that didn't keep them from talking; none of them ever stopped talking about the little boy who disappeared. ...I'd become a ghost story. The former grade school children I used to be friends with were now in high school. I tried high school for a little while...like a week, lol...I couldn't take it. Got into fights a lot. It freaked me out being around so many people. Lots of loud noises; freaked me out too. So I dropped out. Got hooked on drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, but mostly because I felt like that's just what teenagers were supposed to do lol; my attempt at trying to be normal again, and just....fit in. Surprised the shit out of my parents; the last time they'd seen me I was a totally straight and narrow little kid; huge Jesus freak back then too; I used to love God....but I haven't in a very long time. I don't know if there even is a God to be honest, but in recent times, there are days when I Believe....and others when I've lost all faith. Today is not one of those days though. Today, I want to believe. Maybe it's just because I finished watching an extremely powerful movie entitled "The Shack".....it really spoke to me. ....Anyway....I'm sorry; I kinda got stuck rambling on there for a while. PS: I don't really have a favorite Bible Verse. =/ .....I guess if I had to pick one, it would probably be "To everything, there is a proper time, and proper place, for everything under the Heaven." or something like that....I think it's from the book of Ecclesiastes if I recall correctly. I think chapter three; the first eight verses basically just sums up that there's a time and a place for everything...including destruction, hatred, and war....and again; some days I believe in that more than other days....if I had a choice, (and maybe I do?) I'd probably choose to be a pacifist.....but it might be too late for that......maybe not.....like the title says; I'm lost. :( --John |
Re: Lost...and Formerly Alone
Goodness you're a long-winded young man, aren't you? Just remember, Jesus doesn't like a complainer. So are you married yet? Perhaps the Palins have a few extra girls up there in Alaska. I wouldn't know, as I stopped following them when their oldest one flaunted her bastard baby all over the television. Jesus doesn't like bastards either, so I'm in good company (Deuteronomy 23:2). I hope those Mormons didn't crush your seed sack. That's also not okay in Jesus' book (Deuteronomy 23:1). Anyway, welcome to the forums!
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--John |
Re: Lost...and Formerly Alone
Hello and :welcome: to our Godly forum, John!
I like your choice of the favorite verse. Ecclesiastes 3:1-3 1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: 2 A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted; 3 A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; Most people who call themselves Christian claim God to be all about peace and love like some weed-loving hippie. They ignore the 99% of the Bible which teaches that God is also capable of hatred and revenge (be it through death, be it through torture). There is some time that God spends on love... and there's also other time God which spends on punishing those whom He considers to be wicked. Or whom He just feels like punishing. It looks like you have been on a very sad life journey so far. You might find solace reading about Job - like you, he was also tormented by God for no other reason but the fact that God was bored and agreed to place a bet with the devil: Job 1:6-12 6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them. 7 And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it. 8 And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil? 9 Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought? 10 Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land. 11 But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face. 12 And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord. I will pray for you. :pray: |
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In regards to the Bible, I try to carry a healthy skepticism when reading it; looking within, trying to listen to that little voice for the answers and truth (that little voice that convinces me to not commit mass murder when I'm feeling enraged with the depths of evil in this world lmao). I love the Bible, even though I may not believe it all; it's easily the greatest book on the planet that I know of. If I could only bring one book with my in my bug out bag in a SHTF scenario, it would be the Bible lol. It has every genre you could possibly want; action, adventure, drama, comedy, romance, horror, family, science fiction/fantasy, you name it, it's there lol. ....And it was written by men. I believe it's important to keep that last fact in mind when reading the Bible for spiritual purposes (as opposed to recreational purposes). God is infallible. Mankind is not. It's not too far of a reach for me to believe that there are things in the Bible which are pure horseshit simply because a man or group of men decided that it was in their own best interests to say something wrong is something right, because way back then, Religion wasn't just a personal spiritual thing for people; it was EVERYTHING lol; entire governments and civilizations where based solely on Religious laws and dogmas; there was no democracy of any kind in which people would elect a leader or vote on the rules they'd all follow lol. ...Just food for thought; something to consider when reading certain things in the Bible such as "kill all the witches" or "rip your eyeball out if it caused you to sin" lmao. That's just plain goofy. XD Quote:
In regards to Job, I think Satan was wrong for assuming God gave Job all that was good for him. I don't believe God gives us valuables when we're good lol; likewise, I don't believe God punishes us when we're bad. I believe Sin itself is it's own punishment and torment. It always leads to death or destruction, usually both. For example, if I decide to act out on my intense desires for vengeance, go back to Utah, and slaughter every last one of those motherpiffleers who tortured me for five years where NOTHING good happened, not only would my hands be stained with the blood of my "neighbors" lmao, but I'd likely get caught by the cops, locked up, probably sentenced to death (Utah has a very extensive policy on Capital Punishment lol; they get real....creative, lmao). But not before getting raped and tortured even more on death row. So what would my vengeance have really done for me in the end? Would it make me feel any better? ....Probably not. ...Vengeance is mine, saith the Lord. Only parents and legal guardians are allowed to discipline their children.... Quote:
--John |
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Hello Mr. Hamilton. I am deeply moved by your story. I understand that some sort of faith in something, which you have expressed, is probably what keeps you sane. Nonetheless, I have some questions regarding the internal coherence of your belief system.
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That is an intriguing belief indeed, however, there is no actual historical evidence that such a person actually existed. At least Christians have the Bible as their proof that Jesus is God; but with this idea of yours, you have nothing. Quote:
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He did create people who kidnapped you, didn't He? Quote:
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Indeed. In this country, we have laws and police to deal with stuff like that. You should not do anything stupid, just contact appropriate authorities. Which, by the way, you should have done when the evidence of physical abuse was still visible all over your body. Quote:
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No. Effing. Way. What were you saying, about that being "in the past"? :) |
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......God gave humanity free will according to the Bible. What they decide to do with their freedom of choice....isn't God's fault. That's kind of hard for me to say, but it's true to me now....feels weird to say. I don't know why God didn't save me....but I do believe God can work incredible good out of tragedies, but that doesn't necessarily mean that He orchestrated the tragedies to begin with.....If I'm to believe in God, I guess I'll have to believe in the Devil as well....The Prince of Darkness/Prince of Lies, the Deceiver, The Evil One...Satan. ...Maybe he's behind all the sin and tragedy in the world...NOT my father in Heaven? Also, if I recall correctly, there's a place in the Bible that says Hell is specifically reserved for the Devil and his Fallen Angels; both of which are non-human entities; that Hell was never intended for the punishment of God's Children? I could very well be mistaken. ...But didn't Jesus dying on the Cross save us ALL in that moment; He died for our sins, right? So that we'd never have to face the fires of Hell for our sins, because everyone of us will fall short of being absolutely perfect and without sin? Quote:
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I know that it is written God is jealous, but where does it say he is cruel and merciless? In regards to all the un-holy wars fought in the name of God, I have to agree that it's utterly detestable....But I don't believe God literally TOLD those armies to fight each other; is was the Free Choice of humanity to engage in war, perhaps because Satan set everything in motion, too. Trust me; I know what it's like to be at the hands of merciless psychopaths who think they're carrying out the Will of God....like I've said; people need to be careful what they put Faith into, or it can really mess them up.....and everything spirals into chaos.....I can't believe that's God's Plan; I feel in my soul that He's just as hurt and heartbroken as I am by all the tragedy and death in the world, especially the acts of evil carried out in His name. :( ....Probably makes Satan real happy though. Quote:
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....And the people who kidnapped me? .....They used to be little kids too, once upon a time. .....They probably got messed up by their Mormon parents. ....Maybe they were just doing to me what was done to me because of what happened to them. .....Doesn't mean that it's God's fault; I can't blame or Judge him.....I dunno if I can even blame or Judge the ones who took me.....I used to feel so much hatred and anger at them and at God; back when I actually did blame Him for everything that happened. .......But if they'd never taken me.....I never would have known who they are and what they do to countless other children.....what they're probably doing to another little boy just like me right this moment.....maybe some good actually can come from this tragedy....Maybe God is good. ....It's taken me a really long time to let go of my hate and anger enough to even begin to be able to see all this.....I was so blind. Quote:
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She's still not a Baptist; both my parents seemed to lose their Faith after I disappeared....just like me. :( Quote:
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Indeed; it's truly eerie how similar so many different stories from so many different cultures are; how really all of these stories are actually re-tellings of the same story. On the contrary, this fact doesn't increase my skepticism, so much as confirms for me that I might be on the right track; how on earth could primitive cultures in South America, (never-mind the Sumerians and Mesopotanians mythologies lol), POSSIBLY make up a story that almost exactly mirrors the same stories being told on the opposite side of the globe? Boggles the mind.....they didn't have large ocean vessels back then, they didn't have planes or phones or internet; there couldn't have been any possible way for these two cultures to come up with similar stories during the same general time period. (Every culture for example as some kind of Creation Myth, Adam and Eve Story, and a Great Flood/Deluge story.).....definitely made me reconsider some of my views haha. Quote:
Second: It's not an ACTUAL literal voice lmao. XD It's just my conscience/higher self trying to guide me to making a better life choice as opposed to throwing it all away on a fools errand of vengeance. Everybody's got one.......A conscience, I mean; not a fool's errand of vengeance lmao. XD Quote:
I guess I enjoy the comedic parts the most, and the stories of heroes, ESPECIALLY the stories about heroes that are kinda funny lol. Like David and Goliath; what a moment that was when he was a small boy and slew the Giant with nothing more than a piece of cloth and a rock hahaha. But what does our hero do when he grows up to become King? He falls in love with his best friends' lady friend, sends his buddy off to die in a war, JUST so that he could claim her as his own. Lmao....the Sunday School teachers must've left that part out when I was a little kid. XD Oh, or Samson and Delilah (dude with long hair and super strength, whose kryptonite was cutting his hair). Funny story. Delilah tried to get him to spill the secret of his strength to her, and each time, Samson would tell her....a LIE lmao; like it was just a game to him, until he finally decided to take pity on her or whatever and finally tell her the truth, only to get stabbed in the back and have a building dropped on him. Laughed. My. Ass. Off. XD Quote:
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--John |
Re: Lost...and Formerly Alone
I'm not doing anything to find a young bride. I suck at romance, and I'm not interested in starting a family; there's a good chance I'm gonna fall into a fiery basement or get blown up or something; maybe a helicopter crash; that'd be fun. But not if I was leaving a family behind sans a father and husband. I'm scared of intimate touch, and I'm scared of being a father; worried I'd just mess them up somehow. Rather not risk it. Plus, I think there's way too many people on the planet as it is lmao; more people oughta just be keeping it in their pants if ya ask me. XD
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:praise: Hell is intended for the punishment of those who do not accept Jesus! Matthew 13:41-43 The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth. Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear. Luke tells us about one person, a rich man (not a devil nor an angel), who is in Hell in this very moment as I write this. Luke 16:22-23 And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham's bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried; And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. Jesus died to Save those who believe in Him and do the Will of His Father (Matthew 7:21), who is God who is also Jesus (John 10:30). John 13:18 He that believeth on him is not condemned: but he that believeth not is condemned already, because he hath not believed in the name of the only begotten Son of God. Once we accept Jesus we become pure (but only if we accept Him and do His Will) and sin-free and cannot sin! It is such joy to be among those. 1 John 3:9 Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for his seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God. It was a pleasure to educate you! Yours in Christ, Elmer :bye: |
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Thanks for sharing! Two things I'd like to point out in those verses. The first is that it says that God's angels will remove all things that offend....from His kingdom. ...His kingdom, as in Heaven? Not an Earth kingdom? ...Interesting choice of words. Second thing...it says they will be cast into a furnace of fire....it doesn't actually say HELL. And who's to say whether or not it's a LITERAL furnace of fire? It could very well be a metaphor for something else; it's possible the Prophet simply couldn't find any words from his native language in which to best actually describe his visions, so he just described it as a furnace. Lastly, it goes on to say "THEN shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father." ...He who hath ears to hear, let him hear. ;) Quote:
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--John |
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Revelation 14:10-11 The same shall drink of the wine of the wrath of God, which is poured out without mixture into the cup of his indignation; and he shall be tormented with fire and brimstone in the presence of the holy angels, and in the presence of the Lamb: And the smoke of their torment ascendeth up for ever and ever: and they have no rest day nor night, who worship the beast and his image, and whosoever receiveth the mark of his name. As you can see, the Rich Man is still there. No pardon. Forever. You're spending a lot of time trying to make a deal with Jesus (but, trust me, there's a much better dealmaker guiding the Nation at the moment) when you could just read the Bible and find out these things yourself. Don't get me wrong. It is always a privilege to guide the ignorant into the Light that is the True Word of Jesus (John 1:4). Yours in Christ, Elmer :bye: |
Re: Lost...and Formerly Alone
Brother John,
First of all, my, how refreshing it is to see another interlectual on these friendly forums. You see, I am a young, intelligent, well-built equine gnathologist (you can sense already that I am quite above the norm in this site). I am very near the end of my accelerated PhD program in the field of creation science. I note you have been engaging in intercourse here with one of my professors: the esteemed Dr. Elmer White. What an exciting experience it must be for you to have the counsel of such an erudite, articulate, and well known person. I recall the first time I sat under him. I felt his exceptionally large presence and felt as if my capacity had been made somehow more capacitous (by his knowledge). But let's talk about YOU, sir. Your quest to live for the LORD GOD in all His richness and fullness is honorable. You see, our GOD doesn't like it when we give attention to other things. (Exodus 34:14) We must desire Him in His Entirety. It's kind of like when you go to Mass with your Catholic mother and she doesn't want you to see that Mrs. Evans has a prettier hat, or that Miss Louise has become quite the eligible bachelorette, or any other woman there could ever be as wonderful as your own mother and she guilts you the entire afternoon for saying how pretty the lady who did the Bible reading was or how well she spoke. But that's all behind us now so let's move on, since I have. But then you remember how stifling it was to not be able to have your own opinion, I mean - Miss Louise was, indeed, hot, and while she wasn't my cup of tea she might have been a whole pitcher of tea for a man into those kinds of things. But thankfully the deacon had a special love for youth and he embraced us every Sunday morning just like he was our daddy so it took away the hurt from mother's rejection and I only walked funny for a few minutes. But that was back then, and here you are today, now, in the present. Not back when passive aggressive behavior coming from your mom made everything taste icky and you stabbed your teddy bear late one night and - but, well, I digress. The love of Jesus is a transforming thing; it changes us and makes us different. I praise His Name for these things and the more you get to know Him the more you'll also praise Him. I am going to my prayer closet for a few hours. BrotherLarry |
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So basically what you are saying, is that it is worthless to pray to God because He is not going to change the hearts of oppressive people and all the hatred, violence, and oppression will continue, because the free will of the oppressors is more important than the suffering of the oppressed? Isn't this sort of God kinda... useless? Quote:
So what was the incredible good that came out of Nazi concentration camps? Quote:
Allowing them to happen makes Him an accomplice according to the laws. Quote:
Remember that God created the devil. And as an all-knowing deity He would have known what that would do to the world. So again - yes, God wants the devil to create suffering. Quote:
Only for those who believe in Him. Everybody else goes to Hell, no matter how good people they are. Quote:
Please give me the actual original source, not a secondary one. As far as I know Mr. O'Reilly is not a specialists in Classical studies/ancient history. Quote:
Have you ever heard of the Flood? Quote:
Killing babies, and allowing all of the abuses in the name of Christianity over the last 2000 years. Quote:
God set Satan in motion. Quote:
He made Job suffer for a simple bet, didn't He? Isn't that making people suffer just for fun? Quote:
Yes. The Serpent was the most perfect of all God's creations, according to Genesis. Quote:
That is disheartening indeed. I'm not a fan of shaming people on the internet, but they would be good candidates for that. Instead of doing something violent and stupid. Quote:
That's what happens when plagiarism occurs. And the similarities to the (much older) Sumerian and Babylonian texts are not surprising since that was the cultural milieu where the Israelite culture originated. I mean, theyeven copied the story of Moses birth and being sent down the river in a basket from Sargon the Great! Couldn't the writers of the Old Testament come up with something a bit more original?! Why reheat such an old story?! Quote:
"Primitive cultures in South America" (whatever you intended to mean by it) did not come up with anything even close to the Biblical stories. Unless you are thinking that the Christian God has something in common with Mother Earth and Father Sun. So here's that. Quote:
Sure. Everybody wanted to know, where did we come from. The point is, that each story is dramatically different from each other. Quote:
???? I'm not following. Quote:
...Or a story of destruction of human kind by some other means. Because many different tragic events would be passed from one generation to another and get bigger and bigger every time it was re-told. Quote:
You answered yourself, there, in bold. Quote:
That is what the Bible says. Quote:
So for you, both God and Satan are like little imaginary friends, then? Quote:
Thank you for contradicting yourself and giving me an argument supporting my thesis. That it is about religion. Quote:
There is about the same or more human suffering now than in the past. I don't see much progress, there. We are making technological progress; but socially, we are as retarded as ever. Or even more than ever. |
Re: Lost...and Formerly Alone
I'm all for civil discussion, but I don't think you're interested in that; you just want to be a mean bully and fight and argue for the fun of it like a baby. In my personal opinion.
Let me know when you grow up. |
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Get Christ before it is too late! In Him |
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Listen, "sexual assault" is almost always the victim's fault. I guess you could say I was "raped" several times, but if I had not taken off my pants and briefs in a gay bar, and wagged my booty at the crowd, it would not have happened. Grow up, indeed. In Him Always |
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I'm just trying to understand how a person can be religious or spiritual, while at the same time realizing that there is much more evil than good in the world. If God exists, is He giving cancer to little babies? Or is he just a witness to all of human suffering, unwilling or unable to answer people's prayers for help? If He is unwilling to help, then He is not worthy of our worship. If He is unable to help, then worshiping Him is a waste of time. How do you, who have suffered as a child, reconcile your suffering, and the fact that God did not answer the prayers of your parents to save you, with your belief in a loving and powerful God? |
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For me, I'm trying to become more spiritual because the evil of the world gets to me too much, and I become wrathful and full of hatred, and I don't like those feelings; I don't like what those feelings make me do. So I try to be better. It's NOT easy by any means; sometimes, it really seems like there is more evil in this world than there is good....until of course you start looking for the good, and casting the evil out of your mind. There's still goodness in the world. Having good friends and family in your life helps ease the burden a lot too. I'd rather continuously strive to be more spiritual and find inner peace, stumbling over the obstacles in my way, rather than just give up on trying to be a good person, succumbing completely to the evil of the world, doing whatever the hell I want. Some say that's what separates the humans from the animals. I don't believe God gives cancers to babies. Cancer and death are just a part of life. I don't think anyone is to truly blame for Cancer in general. Life will always come with tragedies and blessings; God isn't necessarily orchestrating things the way you imply; at least I don't personally believe He is. Quote:
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....Natural justice....but none of it would have ever been possible if God had decided to interfere with Fate and redirect the course of Destiny. I'm sure it pained Him greatly to see me suffer, crying out for Him. I'm sure he WANTED to with every fiber of His being....but alas, He couldn't...because then there'd be countless others after me, and I wouldn't have been turned into such a perfect weapon for God to use against them.... --John |
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