Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

*** WARNING SHOCKING CONTENT AHEAD ***

Real Christian men impregnate real Christian woman (Genesis 29:30, Leviticus 15:32). Real Christian woman get pregnant and have babies for Jesus Christ and Donald Trump. Throw in some Proverbs 23:13-14 and one has a happy God fearing family.

Landover has been warning against Nintendo for a long long time. God punished Nintendo with horrible financial results. Unfortunately this hasn't kept Nintendo from introducing yet another family wrecking monstrosity.

The Nintendo Switch:
http://i.imgur.com/3ssEZJm.png
(Yes, it really looks THAT stupid.)

Nintendo created the Switch for people who are incapable of making up their mind. It's mobile and it's not mobile. It's one big controller, it's several small controllers. The only thing everyone agrees on is that it is a piece of useless crap. Nintendo didn't even bother to include a game. It is clearly aimed at today's sexual fluid Hilary youth. Being gay on Monday, bisexual on Tuesday and serial raping Galapagos penguins on Wednesdays.

The vibrating Switch controllers are especially suspicious. They can be split into smaller controllers making it far easier to insert them into one's behind. Nintendo actively promotes people should do this together. The fake media is dangerously enthusiastic about this: "Nintendo's HD Rumble will be the best Switch feature of 2017". Entire families will be annaly orgasming themselves to the eternal fires of Hell with these soul killers.

I am certain Donald Trump is going to put a stop to this as soon as he completes his wall, makes Mexico pay for it, kills Obamacare, rebuilds our infrastructure and prevents any Muslim from ever again entering America.

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Frightening stuff, Brother Cranky. In my travels I have met several people who identify as Switches, but had no idea they were crossdressing transtesticles. They all stayed within their God assigned gender roles when I was present. Miss Demeanor identifies as a switch, and has done her best to demonstrate to me how adept a wife she would make by keeping my house staff in order whenever she visits while still presenting a meek deference to myself. If only the late Missus had taken such an interest in the home life instead of locking herself away in her room while sobbing "sick depraved vile psychopath" all day. While her confessions were surely welcomed by God, I'm sure Jesus would have wanted her to be more attentive to the house.



Now that I am aware of what it is code word for I'll make a point to be more cautious around those people.

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Will I be able to use this game to get my fag nephew to switch back to being a normal American?

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

It's not a game, it's a games console. Something you play games on like an Xbox

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Ha! The Xbox is made by the microsofts, not the Nintendos.

Jesus wins again!

Proverbs 18:2 - A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself

YIC

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

So... What? Explain to me how you "won" that?

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Young lady, these toys are simply for children: with their bright colours, flashing lights and simple allure they suck youths off into worlds of neon and purple :thumbdown:

Don't you think it's time to put these childish things down, settle down, get married and have children?

1 Timothy 2:15 Not withstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety

So you see. Jesus really does win again!

:kjv1611:

YIC

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

They make the thing smaller so people think the sin is smaller but it's always the same sin that sends you to hell.

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

I find great offence to this for I am someone who enjoys the occasional tongue punch in the old ***association to basic, rude bodily functions removed*** box, and I also enjoy playing the occasional mario game on my Nintendo. I believe that the switch is one of gods greatest creations besides Hillary Clinton and our greatest president Barak Obama. Amen my ***racist slander removed***

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

I agree the Nintendo switch looks incredibly stupid!:thumbdown:

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Apparently, there are reports of these Switch tablets warping and bending due to the immense amount of heat they emit. http://www.pcmag.com/news/352833/som...ts-are-warping

Other consoles in the past like Xbox 360 may have gotten hot enough to break, but I never heard of reports of them getting hot enough to bend. It is as if these Swith tablets are literally channeling Hell itself through their Satanic influences.


Their biggest game out right now, Zelda: Breath of the Wild Demon is on their previous console Wii U, but I guess nobody bought their previous console:lol:.


This game was delayed twice, I guess Nintendo can't even bother to keep their promises http://www.gameskinny.com/wx91i/zeld...ally-explained


Another Satanic game Binding of Isaac Afterbirth that focuses on mocking beautiful and touching Christian stories like Abraham sacrificing his son Isaac to God only for God to lovingly stop him and save his son is on Nintendo's latest platform, (again, not even exclusive, it has been available on the PC for months) was also delayed. https://www.technobuffalo.com/2017/0...ding-of-isaac/.


As Cranky Old Man mentioned, they don't even bundle in a game, and they're now going to be charging to go online. So why buy this device other than to channel demons into your home or at the very least have a melting fire hazard? Beats me.

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

go <<<self sexual abuse reference removed>>> god is not real and never has been its all made up and i think you should all <<<a very hateful suggestion removed>>>

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

I want to address these two points you made
First of all things do get delayed, especially in the gaming industry, there can be many unforseen problems that may arise that could cause a system or game to be delayed. To be honest I'm not surprised that the switch got delayed as it's is a very innovative console.
Recently they have reaveled a bundle for the switch which is good for those who waited to buy the console, patience does pay off.
About charging for online, it's not an uncommon thing to do now a days (See Xbox Live and PSN)

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Hello Dooty,


Instead of getting it on about a stupid game that will teach you nothing about the universe, of which you are a part, get connected to the Source of Everything, God. Also spare a thought for Jesus, this is His weekend, after-all.


I will pray that Jesus enters you and fills you with His unimaginable Love


YIC
TT

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Before I start this, I want to say that nothing I say here should be hyperboled to the point of being adynaton. I'm simply here to present my perspective on this whole article.

First off, the fact that this entire product is assumed to be used as a vibrator is simply appalling from my perspective. If someone is stupid enough to use a video game console as a vibrator, that's their fault, not Nintendo's. The vibrating feature of the controller is supposed to be used as a way to feel more immersed into the game.

Think about it like this; If you were reading the Bible, and you came across a passage about, say, Noah's Ark, you'd want to feel the boat rocking, the swaying. That's what the vibrating feature is designed to do, except it's designed for video games instead of writings.

As for the controller changing; this console is designed to allow people to play the game with a controller style they like. If they want to play with a smaller controller, they can do that.

Think about it like this; some people prefer different versions of the Bible, right? Some people use KJV, some use ASV, etc., and they prefer their choice. That's the function of the Switch's changeable controllers.

Hope this clears things up for you.
Sincerely, TheExplainer

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Yes it does. Thank you for explaining that the Nintendo Switch is an abomination, just like all of the false Bible translations. :)

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Dear Explainer,


The Bible rocks my ark. Not some silly piece of technology. Please tell me what is the ASV - A Silly Version?


YIC
TT

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

Thpmas, if you subscribe to the ideas this site propagates, you are probably one of the last people who should be telling someone about science and the universe.

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

"Hyperbole" is not a verb. And "adynaton" pretty much means the same thing as "hyperbole". Clearly, you are looking up $ 5 words in a pellucid attempt to sound smart. I did that before Jesus gave me the insight to realize how stupid I am. Stop doing that.


We know you are here to present your perspective on the Nintendo Switch. We do not care about your perspective. We don't really care about Nintendo Switch. We care about the Bible and how it fits into the world around us. Do you care about the world around you? Or does your world consist of the distance between your butt in a chair and the screen monitor displaying game graphics?

According to the Bible, it's Satan's fault and Eve's.


Because people are not already immersed enough in their fantasy computer worlds so video game companies want to make sure that silly things like earthquakes won't intrude on them with real life sensations.

That's why people make movies about written things, you dolt! The game already does all the imagining for you by providing graphics so you don't have to think about what a character might look like. They design every aspect of the pretend world they are selling you. What do you contribute to the experience besides the money you are stuffing in their pockets?

And some people prefer their deities in the form of Golden Calves. God smote them for that. According to the Bible, which is the world's source for knowing about God, there is only One God. Therefore, there is only one Bible. The correct one.


Choosing a different version of the Bible amounts to choosing another God.


God didn't smite the folks worshiping around the Golden Calf because He hates cows and He hates gold.


Clearly, He loves gold because He instructed His followers to use it in His temple decor. (Kind of like Trump, but, hey, let's not get political here.)


He's fairly chill about cows as long as you don't do weird stuff with them--like hitch them up with a different species of animal when plowing a field or boil their babies in the milk expressed from their mothers' utters, or, say . . . WORSHIP them!


The whole point of God striking down the crowd idolizing the Golden Calf was the idolizing part. Anything that becomes a substitution for the worship of The Lord is a grievous sin. If a technology or an invention can be used to serve Him it is good. If it replaces or refutes or even distracts from Him it is bad.

Hope this clears things up for you.

Re: Satan's latest trick: the Nintendo Switch is promoting sexual fluidity!
 

I was going to buy this game console for my son but after reading this I decided my children will see nintendo no more.

I do not want my innocent children to become transformed into demons of hell because of these satanic products that nintendo is providing to children worldwide.


My kids were extremely unhappy when I buried all of their nintendo games and consoles in the back yard. They protested all week about it and won't give up. They still insist I give them the game console that will turn them into filthy whores.


Not only have these workers of the devil created devices to cause our kids to be brainwashed into satanists, they have already brainwashed them into wanting more of these devices of hell. Needless to say I grounded them for a week from video games because of their persistence to try to bribe me into giving them their demonic games from hell!