Safety First: What the unsaved trash NEED to know about demons!
Hello friends! It has come to the attention of the True Christian™ menfolk here that most of the unsaved trash that wander in here are woefully misinformed about demons, and it was decided that a public safety announcement was needed. You have no idea how honored I was when they asked me to help with the report (somebody had to make the coffee :))! So, without further ado, here is everything you unsaved trash NEED to know about demons!
Basic Facts about Demons Demons are a very real force in this world, and they are fallen angels who've sinned and decided to serve Satan (Revelation 12:9, Ezekiel 28:14 and Jude 6). They, like angels, probably have a lot of wings (Isaiah 6:2), and they are very powerful (Psalm 8:4-5), though they aren't omniscient (Matthew 24:36). They enjoy possessing people (Mark 5:1-20 and Acts 16:16-19), pretending to be righteous (2 Corinthians 11:14-15), tormenting people (2 Corinthians 12:7), whores (Leviticus 17:7) and sacrifices (Deuteronomy 32:17, Psalm 106:37, 1 Corinthians 10:20 and others). How to Recognize a Demon Attack Now that you know how to recognize a demon, it's imperative that you know how to recognize a demon attack. Luckily, the Bible tells us exactly what we need to look out for. Here is a list of things that are indicative of demonic assault, though it's important to remember demons are crafty and symptoms of possession aren't just limited to this list. Are you or somebody you know: Hanging around graveyards? (Mark 5:2-3) Exhibiting unnatural strength? (Mark 5:4) Crying? (Mark 5:5) Cutting themselves or listening to "emo" music? (Mark 5:5) Casting spells? (Acts 16:16) Angry at True Christians™? (Acts 16:19) Dumb? (Matthew 9:32-33) Deaf and/or blind? (Matthew 12:22) A young daughter? (Mark 7:25) Crazy? (Matthew 7:14-18) Hanging around synagogues? (Mark 1:23) A harlot? (Mark 16:9) Sick? (Matthew 4:24) Making false prophecies? (1 Kings 22:22-23) Not a True Christian™? (1 Corinthians 10:20-21) If any of these are true, chances are you're possessed by a demon (or many demons, see Mark 5:9 for clarification)! This is absolutely horrible, but don't worry, there IS hope. What to do in Case of a Demonic Possession First of all, DON'T PANIC! Second of all, DON'T CONTACT THE CATLICK CHURCH! Demon infestations, while absolutely horrible, are fairly common and can be dealt with easily by True Christians™, so as long as you contact a pastor and set up a generous tithing program you should be fine. You definitely should NOT contact a catlick exorcist though, because they aren't true believers and usually make problems with demons worse. Once a True Christian™ pastor generously gets rid of your demons, it is imperative that you fully accept Jesus and convert to True Christianity™ to keep the demon infestation from reoccurring. True Christians™ are perfect, we are the only people who are totally immune to demons. We know this because we are completely invincible (Luke 10:19), are protected by the Armor of God (Ephesians 6:10-18) and are the only people able to successfully cast out devils (Mark 16:17) Remember, please report any suspicions of demonic activity to a True Christian™ man. Only you can prevent demon infestations! :thumbsup: |
Re: Safety First: What the unsaved trash NEED to know about demon
AMEN!
Even the secular horror movies prove that calling in the Catholics never works. |
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Can you please define, 'common', when you use it in reference to how often people are possessed?
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We have been in the exorcism business for 2,000 years. Are you sure you aren't possessed? Just in case, read this: Quote:
Translation for those too ignorant of basic Latin, the Holy Language of God and Mother Mary: Quote:
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Re: Safety First: What the unsaved trash NEED to know about demon
If I happen to find Linda Blair puking up pea soup I'll give that a shot - When faced with a real demon I think I'll go with the excellent work of Sister Lycia.
Bless you Sister for compiling this - while I was aware of this (like all good True Christians) I am sure that having all this knowledge in the one place will be a boon. YIC |
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Matthew 17:14-21 (King James Version) Quote:
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To Sister Lycia, don't listen to this cripple. Obviously Alzheimer's has set in. He forgot 99% of the false Catolick dance with Satan and his minions. First of all their ceremony starts with the Litany of the Saints which asks every saint on the books and some they manufacture to pray for us -- ora pro nobis. Next a litany of sins and punishments that befall humankind and a plea for all the above mentioned to take them away. Then comes the recitation of Psalms 53 followed by a prayer asking God to really give it to the demons, to make their existence miserable and render them harmless. After that the exorcist finally recites your little prayer. Following is a whole bunch of gospel quotes where the good guy wins over the bad. Next comes the actual exorcism prayer that goes on for pages and pages. It is repeated over and over again until every demon leaves. The is followed by the Magnificat. Then The Lord's Prayer and a whole bunch of other short prayers taken from the Old and New Testaments; next the Canticle of Zachary; then a whole bunch more of short prayers mostly from Psalms (and lots of splashing the possessed with water in between all these various prayers and Bible recitations); then the Athanasian Creed; next a whole bunch of Psalms from which the exorcist can choose from depending upon how tired or lazy he is; next comes the exorcism proper of Satan and all his fallen angels; a few more prayers and finally a bunch more Psalms, many of them repeats from above and some required now from the pick and choose above. I could quote the entire Latin rite but then I would have to translate everything too. It would be a waste of time, as True Christians™ are too busy reading their 1611 King James Bible; praising Baby Jesus; and ministering to the world. This Catolick sideshow is a circus, only serving to make the priest or bishop or cardinal (or any of those other dress wearing, Mary-worshiping, papist ass and ring kissing pedophiles) seem very important and puffed up. As Sister Lycia wrote, True Christians™ don't go through all this comedic rigamarole. Our pastors and reverends use the casting of hands and some real prayers and directly confront Satan and his underlings. Demon for demon they only take up one one hundredth of the time your false ritual does. |
Re: Safety First: What the unsaved trash NEED to know about demon
Other than the fact that I LOVE bacon and ham, the main reason I raise hogs is that they make a GREAT place to cast demons into!:thumbsup:
I also chose my property in Freehold mostly because of the nearby cliff that overlooks the lake. And when he was come to the other side into the country of the Gergesenes, there met him two possessed with devils, coming out of the tombs, exceeding fierce, so that no man might pass by that way. And, behold, they cried out, saying, What have we to do with thee, Jesus, thou Son of God? art thou come hither to torment us before the time? And there was a good way off from them an herd of many swine feeding. So the devils besought him, saying, If thou cast us out, suffer us to go away into the herd of swine. And he said unto them, Go. And when they were come out, they went into the herd of swine: and, behold, the whole herd of swine ran violently down a steep place into the sea, and perished in the waters. Matthew 8:28-32 |
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I have a question though, would a demon be encouraged to stay in a young choir boy if you contacted a Cathlick priest? Would the demon enjoy the molestation or would he leave the body? |
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Interesting point there though - I wonder if a catlick priest was caught in a compromising situation with a choirboy if he could claim to be exorcising a demon? Maybe trying to push it out of his body? |
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This should be useful.
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Re: Safety First: What the unsaved trash NEED to know about demon
A former African witchdoctor who practiced witchcraft for over twenty years said that demons are attracted to the substance candles are made out of. Candles were a part of his witchcraft. It does not matter what color, shape, or smell they have. When lit, the smell of the candle also calls on another big time demon. Is it a wonder why the candle business is in the Billions of dollars a year! No wonder too that so many churches have candles all over the place.
Get rid of all your candles. You may just be getting rid of some of your problems. This also pertains to incense. For those Bible researchers who read that "candles" were mentioned in the Bible, look in your Strong's concordance. The Original term is "lamp" "oil" or "oil lamp", NOT "candle". They did not use candles, but used oil. After you get rid of the candles, command all the demons to leave you and your property, in the name of Jesus, JUST IN CASE. What if the lights go out, you say? Use a flashlight! THE DEVIL HAS A CANDLE FOR EVERY NEED. HE MAKES IT LOOK GOOD AND SMELL GOOD JUST SO YOU CAN BRING HIS DEMONS INTO YOUR HOME. If you have severe stomach pains or a stomach virus, break the power of the curse of burning incense. You may have been around someone burning incense or someone may have been burning incense on your behalf. |
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Always look out for savage injun magic. :thumbdown:
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Since the demons are essentially squatters, I wonder if we could have our good Mayor or Town Hall simply serve them with 30-day eviction notices?
This is our land and our citizens :angry: |
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Our guard must be up and the hammer down. |
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Now: how about heading over to the Introduction Forum and telling us all about yourself: we want to get to know you! :praise: Yours in Christ (NOT MARY), Z. Smyth |
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