How much do you guys think I could sell my daughter for?
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This darn Obama depression is affecting our family horribly. Since we moved to Freehold, we haven't been able to sell our beautiful six bedroom house on a 1/10th acre plot in Arizona. The bank is about to foreclose on it. I have already asked the church, but they are feeling the pinch too. Pastor Zeke's Christmas gift is only going to be in the 20 thousand dollar range this year.
It's fortunate that my daughter just turned 13. She needs to be betrothed anyway. How much do you guys think I could get for her? She, is of course a virgin. The tokens of virginity will be there on your wedding night when she reaches the age of consent or you can stone her as per Deuteronomy 22:13-21. She is a decent cook, but lazy about cleaning. It's my wife's fault for that. I'm sure if you have a strong steady hand for keeping her in line, she can be encouraged to get better. Any serious bids from True Christians will be considered. You can't make her work out in the field. If you buy her for a wife you have to provide for her for the rest of her natural life, so please don't take this lightly. If you are buying her for your son, please make sure he likes her because otherwise you cannot return her. Exodus 21:7-10 And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do. If she please not her master, who has betrothed her to himself, then shall he let her be redeemed: to sell her unto a strange nation he shall have no power, seeing he has dealt deceitfully with her. And if he has betrothed her unto his son, he shall deal with her after the manner of daughters. If he takes him another wife; her food, her clothing, and her duty of marriage, shall he not diminish. God Bless, Levi |
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You waited until she was 13? I discussed this topic with a friend of mine regarding her 10 and 8 year olds. She insisted that they had cost her too much (adoption) to consider selling them.
Is the young lady experiences her menses yet? Perhaps you could harvest her eggs. My friends went through such a hassle with their adoptions, the first one was rescinded. People get less attached when there are only eggs involved. I am certain that her heritage-- and therefore her eggs-- is completely white, is this not so? Supportively Yours, Handmaiden |
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Having had quite a few daughters, I often get about 30 to 40 shekels for them, sometimes more if they come with work gloves and morals.
Is there a reason no man wants to marry her? Is she deformed from the waist down? |
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I will open the bidding at $1000. This may seem low, but she is only 13 and needs so much instruction. Of course, I am a happily married man and only offer my bid to help you keep your primary asset; your home. Female children are of little importance in God's plan as they are as common as kittens at a shelter. She will be well cared for in the Porter home. Nutrition, Bible learning, aerobic workouts and swimming in our above ground pool. What is her name? I'm thinking of calling her Emily. Is she well developed and with motor skills and stamina? Able to maintain vigorous routines in fluid repetition? Swimming requires skill. I am prepared to bid higher if need be. In Him! |
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Although I'm not going to Bid (my boys are still too young) I'm glad to see that there are girls around. I was starting to get worried.
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Brother Levi, I forget how many daughters you have. It is always wise to keep one virgin daughter around in case you need to toss her to a crowd of would be sodomizers.
Remindingly Yours, Handmaiden |
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You could 'rent' her out for a more stable income. Instead of her suitor paying a lump sum, you could ask him to pay you a weekly or monthly fee for the use of your daughter until she reaches a certain age (probably around 18). That will give you time to regain your finances and live comfortably whilst knowing your daughter is with a wealthy, fetching young man.
Good luck! I hope the Lord blesses you with with a fruitful month! |
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Dear Levi,
Your financial woes have troubled me and I would like to do my part. As I am sure your daughter will have no trouble finding a new home, I would like to offer the possibility of taking her little brother, Levi Jr. (or "Little Levi" as I call him at my Kiddie Prayer Circle), off your hands if that would help alleviate your money troubles. Other children visit often, so he would not be bored. In fact, a lot of other "Little Levi's" are often down at my apartment. And while I know he would miss you, I can assure you that the spirit of Jesus touches my home and I have every reason to know that, if your son spent a few nights at my place, he would be touched also. While I imagine Little Levi is a real handful, I am happy to help out until you get back on your feet. Yours in Christ, Alex |
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I don't know what I was thinking. Carefully Yours, Handmaiden |
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Pastor Levi,
Am I the winning bidder for Emily? I am eager to get her started in her studies to worship Him and be prepared for her duties to the True Christian™ man that will hopefully want her someday. Mrs. Porter was at first reluctant, but has come around in welcoming Emily to our Christian home. She will be a fine matron for the younster! In Christ! |
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Brother Levi.
As you might remember I lost my wife last year after she was in an auto accident. I have been giving serious consideration to settling in Freehold in the near future and I do believe it might be advantageous to have a wife to take care of my home once I settle in. My issue would be secular laws concerning young brides. I would not like to make any promises until I have my Lawyer check out local laws in Iowa. I know that in Mississippi she could be wed at 13 with parents approval but I would not like to commit to monies and then not be able to honor our contract. I remember that there was talk of a ''training center'' for young brides through the church, would you remember who was starting that business? Please give me a bit of time to get these issues resolved and I believe we could both have our needs fulfilled. YIC Benedict A. Davis |
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I am so disappointed. I expected better from Iowa given the presence of so many True Christians. The liberals probably got a toehold in somewhere. Sadly Yours, Handmaiden |
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What a shame, as I am sure that the young girl is well versed in her religious studies and there would be so many fewer changes she would need running my house as I would want it. She is young enough not to have picked up any of her own opinions or ''ways'' of her own, no bad habits that will have been practiced by her that would need to be broken. It is unfortunate but we must obey the Bible: Romans 13 1Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God. 2Whosoever therefore resisteth the power, resisteth the ordinance of God: and they that resist shall receive to themselves damnation. 3For rulers are not a terror to good works, but to the evil. Wilt thou then not be afraid of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise of the same: 4For he is the minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is the minister of God, a revenger to execute wrath upon him that doeth evil. 5Wherefore ye must needs be subject, not only for wrath, but also for conscience sake. 6For for this cause pay ye tribute also: for they are God's ministers, attending continually upon this very thing. 7Render therefore to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honour to whom honour. |
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Sister, have you heard anything about a training facility for young wives or to be wives? That could be an answer, after 2 years this young child would have time to become an excellent wife. If I could find someone to apprentice her even, I would pay all expenses and would discuss a salary with any man who's wife would take charge of her training, under minimum supervision from myself of course. |
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HEY GUYS!
Is she still available? I would love one. |
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Besides, wouldn't your husband be angry? :glare: |
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This is a matter for her father and an acceptable, True Christian, financially solvent ,suitor to pray over. God will guide the negotiations as He sees fit. We are a group of people gathered to discuss the truth of the Bible. We bring up matters in our individual lives to be examined here because we can count on the fellowship of True Christians to treat our concerns with consideration and compassion and Christ-derived wisdom. You have shown nothing of the sort. You probably couldn't pick a Bible out of a line up that included Harry Potter, Huck Finn and a telephone directory. Sneeringly Yours, Handmaiden |
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How much dowry does your daughter have.
SURA 4. 4. And give women their dowries as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result. |
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[004:004] And give to the women (whom you marry) their Mahr (obligatory bridal-money given by the husband to his wife at the time of marriage) with a good heart; but if they, of their own good pleasure, remit any part of it to you, take it, and enjoy it without fear of any harm (as Allâh has made it lawful). As the translation I use does not require anyone to eat money :wacko: I think I'll trust it a bit more, and ask how much you'll be giving to your bride as the Qu'ran requires? |
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Well Pastor Levi, I know I am just a woman, but I've been crunching some numbers to make sure you know where to start the bidding. Luckily, the Bible lays out a proper price range for us. :)
"And thy estimation shall be of the male from twenty years old even unto sixty years old, even thy estimation shall be fifty shekels of silver, after the shekel of the sanctuary. And if it be a female, then thy estimation shall be thirty shekels. And if it be from five years old even unto twenty years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male twenty shekels, and for the female ten shekels. And if it be from a month old even unto five years old, then thy estimation shall be of the male five shekels of silver, and for the female thy estimation shall be three shekels of silver. And if it be from sixty years old and above; if it be a male, then thy estimation shall be fifteen shekels, and for the female ten shekels." Leviticus 27:3-7 Now, according to this wickedpedia article, silver shekels ranged from between 9 and 17 grams, and according to this site, the current price of silver is $764.09 per kilogram. This means your daughter is worth somewhere between $68.77 and $129.90 (I rounded up, of course). Now, I believe that the price of silver is expected to rise, but lets say it stays the same. If you keep your daughter for seven years, you could triple your earnings. EDIT: I forgot to take into account the shekel of sanctuary. Feel free to add between $6.88 and $12.99 to your asking price. |
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Selling your daughter just like she's nothing to you?
Probably for the best since you couldn't be the better man anyway. |
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I would be overjoyed to have this young woman! Has she been trained by professional maids in her housework, and can you give examples of her best dishes? Is there a free trial possibility, she seems very interesting, I'd love to invite her to a private pray session before deciding :innocent:
Your daughter would be put to good use, and of course be supplied with the best tools for cleaning, the best pots for cooking, and she'd be put on a collar that'd shock her if she left my grounds without permission! :thumbsup: Hope to hear back, I'd like to bid high and fill her with god! |
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This is straight from Exodus 21 and it is something I undertake with only the utmost gravity and I don't appreciate your attempts at levity for anything less than 50k. |
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Dear Brother Levi
Im not sure if it's possible for you to send your daugter to Denmark do to our immigration laws here (you know how much the denmarkian communist government hate Americans), but I desperately need a new maid, because I found out the old one was a stinking catlik and therefor send her back to Chile. Do you have any pictures of your daugther in a maids dress, so I can get the right impression of her? I'm ready to pay a decent price for her if her appearance is what I hope for. And I will of course pay for the travelling expences as well. My German Shepherd just gave birth to four wonderful puppies. Maybe you would be interessted in one of those as part of the deal?? Please let me know what you think. Sincerely Viggo |
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Im praying that this is a joke cause if its not you guys are probably the most loser cult since Charles Manson's little shindig. And yes i did mean cult because this is much farther than Christianity its stupidity
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Also please let us know exactly how we aren't following the Bible. Finally, thank you for calling us stupid! We are blessed by your persecution. :innocent: "Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake. Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven: for so persecuted they the prophets which were before you." Matthew 5:10-12 |
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Dear FagsAreWhatGodHates,
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"And if a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant, she shall not go out as the menservants do." (Exodus 21:7) So you have two options here. Either you accept everything that is in the Holy Bible and live by it each and every minute of each and every day, or you will end up in Hell with those who, like you, completely ignore the Holy Bible. Jesus is awaiting your answer. "I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life: no man comes to the Father but by Me." (John 14:6) Yours in Christ, Pastor J.C. Manning, M.D., Ph.D. |
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Do you not worry that you sell her to someone that is a child molester?
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How good are her pies? Do they win the blue ribbon at the country fair?
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