I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
What has happened to Pastor Zeke?
I used to touch base with Pastor Zeke regularly. A lot of money and other issues have passed between the Freehold City government and Landover Baptist Church. Right now there are pending deals, but no Pastor Zeke to move them forward. I checked his hanger, the Boeing is gone. So is his favorite Escalade. No one admits to knowing his where he is or when he will return. What I'm concerned about are his frequent travels to the Middle East. He has been going there to boost the moral of Christians who are being harmed by ISIS. We've all read about the murders and beheadings of Christians. Could Zeke be in harm's way? So, I'm asking--no I'm begging. Please provide any information you have about our beloved Pastor Zeke. |
Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
Mr. Mayor, I fear he may have been abducted. He is a powerful voice for righteousness in America and there is an election soon. The enemies of God and America may want him silenced.
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
I didn't notice he was missing. My wife says that is because I always fall asleep in Church. All lies of course. Women lie all the time. Just look at Hillary Clinton.
Since the Boeing is gone I assume he is in some foreign country saving souls. I remember him being in Japan for years suffering those chinks day in and day out for Jesus. No wonder Zeke is God's favorite Pastor. I will visit his house this afternoon to borrow some garden tools and see if his staff knows anything. They are not very good at speaking American but if I yell very loudly I am sure they will understand. |
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I've been thinking about it and I'm sure the Democrats have him. Maybe if we hire Bill Clinton to give a speech they will let him go.
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Didn't he volunteer for that "First Person on Mars" thing? The way he was thinking, it was either prove what every True Christian™ already knows, i.e. that Mars is just a light attached to the Firmament (and this was a kinda sneaky way of exposing NASA's lies), or if it turned out Mars was really a whole new planet, he'd be the very first preacher there. Imagine all those Martian souls waiting to be Saved™. :thumbsup:
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Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
Right before he dropped out of sight, Pastor assured me he was going to leave word with the church leadership that the unfortunate warning in my signature file could be removed, and that I would be returned to full True Christian™ status, which, naturally, includes lifting ALL restrictions on my ability to communicate with new members via Skype, personal message, e-mail, Face Time, or whatever.
So can we please get the ball rolling on that? Thank you in advance for your attention to this very small, inconsequential matter, which Pastor has already issued a ruling about. |
Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
A few nights ago I had a dream about Pastor Ezekiel. I saw him bathing in a river in the middle of a desert. Not sure if it had a meaning, though.
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If others can shed light on this issue it would be helpful. In the meantime, we must keep up our search for Pastor Zeke. |
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No one worried about me this much when I went hunting for two weeks last month.
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That's not true, Nobar. Your wife was distraught, and I was so worried, I did not dare leave her alone in that big, empty house.
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Has anyone checked with Sister Daisy Mae Johnson?
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She also completely understands why Zeke has continued to put off their marriage for so many years. After all, the good pastor wants to be sure it's God's will. So much energy has been expended fighting those nasty rumors that he has no intention of ever getting married - it's sad. |
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I may be wrong, but take a close look at the guy immediately behind Donald with a ball cap on as a disguise. Not the security guy with the ear piece but the one on his left. The side view is very similar to Pastor Zeke. Whoever he is, he is giving instructions to Donald:
By Start Making Sense and Jon Wiener https://www.thenation.com/wp-content...owd_ap_img.jpg Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump greets supporters after a rally on in Costa Mesa, California. (AP Photo / Chris Carlson) |
Re: I'm Worried About Pastor Zeke
The profile seems familiar, but I can't place him. Is it Clint Eastwood?
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I think it's time for a little rant. For many months Pastor Ezekiel asked very kindly for a new multi-million dollar airplane so he can do his job all over the country. But nothing happened. He was probably very dissapointed into the lack of financial help. I just pray that he finds forgiveness for us and comes back!
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Maybe he has gone to the Olympics in Brazil.
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Mr. Mayor,
Things are indeed worrisome and alarming. Many hypothetical whereabouts of our sweet Pastor Ezekiel must be carefully considered, including the possibility that he's been Raptured, which would not be totally surprising, as he is the most perfect and immaculate human being on Earth at the moment - or in Heaven in case he actually was Raptured. While this development would be extremely good news to Jesus, as they could plan for the Events for the End of Times in a more intimate relationship, it would make the Work of Spreading the Gospel even harder for us who still have to abide this Rotten Earth in expectation of Eternity. Zeke is (or was in case he ware Raptured) the best of the best. His love towards everyone, even his Filipino houseboys, was unprecedented. Philemon 1:7 For we have great joy and consolation in thy love, because the bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee, brother. Thus, our Rapture Preparation Committee now participates in the Missing Children Milk Carton Program and the following image will be available nationwide in all supermarkets and dairy product outlets. We're expecting positive results within the hour! Yours in Christ, Elmer :bye: |
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