FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

I am proud to say the Godly influence I had on the Freehold Police Department while I was a cop there has lasted.

I received word from a friend high-up in the department that the FPD will be enforcing the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance this summer on all pools within city limits.

For those who don't know, the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance prohibits Freehold swimming pools from hiring or otherwise employing "any official to protect, rescue, or resuscitate any patron of any aquatic recreation facility within city limits."

The intention of the ordinance is to recognize God as our one, true protector and keeper. If an 11 year old dives in the no diving area and smashes his head against the concrete floor and floats around unconscious under the water, it is God's will.

Before any of you get upset, yes, we do have Biblical justification for this law:

The LORD is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my buckler, and the horn of my salvation, and my high tower. - Psalm 18:2

Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father. - Matthew 10:29

Be merciful unto me, O God, be merciful unto me: for my soul trusteth in thee: yea, in the shadow of thy wings will I make my refuge, until these calamities be overpast. - Psalms 57:1

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.- Proverbs 3:5

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

I am so glad Jesus guards us at the swimming pool! :)

My father says those 27 children that drowned last month in the Freehold swimming pool just didn't love Jesus enough. :innocent:

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

It's high time this law went into effect. Even in a God Fearing, REAL American community we have MOOCHERS looking for socialist handouts! About time child started learning how to swim FOR THEMSELVES and stop being lazy and float unconscious at the bottom of the pool!!!

If means a few never do wells end up dead because they can't be bothered to breath for themselves, so BE IT! America is about FREEDOM and that means the FREEDOM to drown!

PS George Washington never had a life guard.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Bobby-Joe---I'm so delighted to be a part of this No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus enforcement by the Freehold Police Department.

I must confess that one of the reasons the program has been delayed was my own indecision.

I could not get out of my head the political problems that might arise if, for example, a Mother rented the Freehold Swimming Pool for a child's birthday party and everyone watched the life guard being taken away in handcuffs.

What I should have done is to simply follow the scriptures. That's what we do in Freehold. God Bless us all.

Johny Joe Hold, Mayor

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

I expect you'll also be removing and outlawing:

- all seatbelts, air bags, and turn signals from cars, trucks, and other vehicles
- all helmets, gloves, visors, or other "safety" related items from construction sites, fire crews, police officers, etc.
- all safeties from firearms
- all chain brakes from chainsaws
- all guardrails and railings from rooftops and stairwells
- all speed limits
- all user's manuals and training courses for power tools and high voltage equipment
- all childproof caps from toxic chemicals, prescription medicines, etc., etc.

Please let me know when you're "following the Scriptures" fully. :thumbsup:

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Much--It's obvious you do not know much about Christian governing.

To deal with scripture in local government, we must have (a.) a scriptural reference and (b.) someone committing a sin that we can observe and pass judgement on.

The No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus program was developed with these matters taken into consideration. We have the scripture and someone committing a sin (the lifeguard).

While I enjoy hearing from citizens, and respect your views, I hope you can understand this is something for professionals to handle.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Here! Here!

This is Freehold, not Southern California. We don't need our children faking drowning just to get some oiled up muscle men in speedos to suck face on them in public! Lifeguards are just socialism for the gay lifestyle, nothing more.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

So if your own child was drowning, you wouldn't save him/her?


I guess it's their own fault being lazy huh, being unconscious n'all at the bottom of the pool.

How's the lifeguard commiting a sin?

He saves lives, what do you want him to wear? a suit and tie?

In fact, you should change legislation in your town so you either have separate swimming pools for men and women or the women have to wear full clothing when they swim.

In fact, they shouldn't really have time to go swimming, I'm sure there's housework that wont do itself at home.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Ive been thinking about this & wouldnt jesus be no good at this as he has got holes in his hands & feet.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

This is a serious site. It's not here for people to practice their stand-up comedy routines.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Why don't you go for a walk on some water, and then when you get back from doing that, you can start throwing aspersions on Jesus' ability to get across large bodies of water safely. Those who drown in glass swimming pools shouldn't throw water.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

yes good point.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Idiot.
Jesus can walk on water/. You really need to read the Bible instead of rolling blunts with the pages.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Does rolling blunts mean beating up poofs with a newspaper?

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

We have a comedian among us, gentlemen.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Jesus would be the best lifeguard EVER!!

Matthew 14:25 And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. 26And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear.
27But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.
28And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.
31And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?



Glory!


Jack

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Amen Bobby-Joe! I might remind our Christian Brothers and Sisters here that there was that old TV show "Baywatch" that featured slow motion scenes of scantily clad "Lifeguards" running on the beach with their "Big Cleavage" enticing over 1 billion viewers to commit the sin of Onanism. And where were the LIEbral's concern for the environment – not even the EPA was at all concerned about cleaning up that mess.

Lifeguards are nothing more than a "make work" government program that dates back to the socialist Roosevelt administration and is a drain on the economy. Lifeguards for the most part sit around idle waiting for something to happen and collect a pay check. All it does is create a dependency class so that Obama can rely on the "lifeguard vote" in the next election. Those efforts could be put to more productive use in the economy.

Re: FPD To Enforce the No-Lifeguard-But-Jesus ordinance
 

Exactly brother! Leave it to the liberals to pay people to do nothing. When Jesus reclaims America and ends the Obama Tribulation Presidency (worse than Carter) Jesus is going to apply the free market to lifegaurding; Lifegards will be paid by every person they save. None of this lazing about on the beach. They will be out there making sure people are drowning.