I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Go!

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Please make Marta recant her Catholicism and get baptised your name.

Love you.

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Say "Jesus", does this ring a bell?

Revelation 22:7 "Behold, I come quickly: blessed is he that keepeth the sayings of the prophecy of this book."

I don't believe any rational person can reconcile 2012 years with "quickly". Will you make these simpletons wait another two thousand years? Or will they sooner realize they have been had by a homeless magician responsible for the biggest hoax ever perpetuated?

In any event, you are welcome in our temples my friends, once you have abandoned the superstitious folly. Life can be much more simple.

Shalom,

David

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Nice. Do you always go around pissing on birthday cakes?

:badmood:

Shouldn't you be at some chinaman restaurant today? I've heard that's how you guys mock the birth of Christ.

:thumbdown:

Yours in Christ (NOT WOODY ALLEN),

Zech

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Don't you think it's in bad taste to question the very Messiah that you people killed?

Typical joo :badmood:

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

It has only been a couple of days to me. It may be a couple of more before I am ready to return. Peter wrote all about this in his second epistle while I guided his hand of course.

And David, it is this attitude that got you people holocausted a few minutes ago. Don't make me and my daddy do it again. :nono:

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Lord, when You were 12, You astonished the teachers in the Temple with Your infinite wisdom. Could You please tell us what You actually said that was so amazing?

Lk 2:42-47
42 And when he was twelve years old, they went up to Jerusalem after the custom of the feast.
43 And when they had fulfilled the days, as they returned, the child Jesus tarried behind in Jerusalem; and Joseph and his mother knew not of it.
44 But they, supposing him to have been in the company, went a day's journey; and they sought him among their kinsfolk and acquaintance.
45 And when they found him not, they turned back again to Jerusalem, seeking him.
46 And it came to pass, that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both hearing them, and asking them questions.
47 And all that heard him were astonished at his understanding and answers.

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Bless you, Pim Pedergast. You are on my good list.

We were discussing my/my father's negotiation with Abraham over the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah.
You remember don't you? If he could find ten righteous men, I/my father wouldn't destroy the place.

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Savior sir, I've always wondered something. Why did you bother creating things like poisonous snakes, spiders and scorpions? Personally, I would have left those out. Or at least made Saved® men immune to their venom.

Just wondering. :unsure:

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Lord, I actually have a question, but as I am only a female, feel free to answer me or not.
Sometimes it happens, that my husband asks me to do things, like wearing make up or expensive necklaces made of gold or pearls, which aren't mentioned like this in the bible. I am confused now. Should I follow the bible to every word or do my husband a favor, as the husband the head of the wife, as You are the head of the church. Is it right to please my husband with such things?

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Why aren't you speaking your native language? Btw how is Mary doing?

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

He is, Doofus. You're just seeing it as English. The whole "speaking in tongues" thing. You'd know this if you bothered to read the Bible. :thumbdown:

Dead, waiting for the Resurrection. We discussed this already.

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Dear Jesus,

Sinners often challenge me when I promise them that they will be anally raped by Satan in Hell. I try to explain to them that since Hell is eternal, everything that is possible becomes inevitable. But they don't understand the concept of infinity it seems.

So Lord, just so I can speak with more authority in this subject, will you please settle this dispute once and for all?

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Lord Jesus I pray that the storms in my area pass, and I pray everyone is OK. I pray that you keep protecting our soldiers, and I pray that you are having a happy birthday, and Lord Jesus Christ I pray that you bless those less fortunate then us, and Lord Jesus I pray that gays, and heathens will roast in hell, or be saved. Lord Jesus Christ I pray you return soon to rapture me, and these good Chrisitan people away. Yours in You.

I don't want anything from you. Its your birthday not mine. Happy birthday Jesus!

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Oh Ezekiel, you have been a very good boy this year.

I created all the poisonous snakes when Adam made me/my daddy very mad by eating from the tree I/he told them not to. It was part of the curse I laid down on man after I left the tree of knowledge of good and evil sitting out in the middle of the garden unattended and I let a snake that walked on legs in to tempt Eve into eating it.

I thought that would be a nice touch to not only curse the ground, but everything that creeps across it too.

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

I will whisper the answer in your ear later.

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

What do you think the creator of the universe's native language is, silly child?

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Lord Jesus I do have 2 requests if you would be as kind enough too. 1. Please Lord Jesus Christ accept my friend request it would be an amazing honor to be friends with Lord Jesus Christ, and 2. Would you comment on my introduction thread. Thank you so much you are my lord, and savior. Deuteronomy 32:4 . You are perfect!

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

The Savior® of mankind does not fraterenize with unsaved scum. Piss off. :bye:

Re: I will give you a gift for my birthday. Ask me any questions and I will answer you, my child.
 

Hi Lord Jesus Christ. May I ask if 'natural disaster' is the wrath of God?

And also forgive me for all my sins and accept my friend request. Thanks Lord Jesus Christ.