Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
I know this is an uncomfortable subject, but in every wedding there is the FIRST FART. I know some grooms expect their new wife to never fart, while all good brides know men fart, but know better than to complain.
Anyway, I think it would help our newlyweds if some of us more seasoned spouses would share their experiences and wisdom. |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
let me just say that I HAVE NEVER PASSSED air infront of Zeke since we got engaged back in 2005, but sadly, he is not discrete in some bodily functions.
|
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Quote:
PS I keep a body pillow between Elmer and I so I can block his barn burners. |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Lol, maybe not eat much? A woman should be drinking more tea, anyway.
|
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
A good TC wife should WORSHIP her man's flatulence! That's some Godly poot coming out of her man's sphincter and it's the wife's duty to inhale in a great, BIG whiff the moment she detects that delightful odor. :worthy:
There's nothing to complain about. I let out great, big, juicy man farts all the time. There nothing at all bad about the smell. In fact, Creation Scientists have proven that WOMEN LOVE IT!! Last time I ripped a big one, Sister SUV practically fainted out of ecstasy when she passed by!!! There's nothing like a great big "whodunnit" to keep the wife in her proper place! :thumbsup: |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Now you women quit blaming the men. We know you really does it!
Men, maybe it's time to quit being gentlemen and taking the blame. |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
1 Attachment(s)
Keep it plugged up with a Cork.
You can then go discreetly into the Bathroom to release it in it's proper place. I happened upon this handy little gizmo a few years back. It suites the purpose well, although I've absolutely no idea what it really is. Attachment 5330 |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Looks awfully like one of those "pineapple" things that grace the outdoor balustrades of my mansion.
http://www.chilstone.com/Images/c330..._finial_th.jpg |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
I guess there are some advantages to being a widower. :(
Genesis 22:5 And Abraham said unto his young men, Abide ye here with the ass; and I and the lad will go yonder and worship, and come again to you. |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Pineapples are acidic, and I think that is a counter-fart agent.
|
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Wait a second....Is this why I keep finding bottles of "Beano" on my doorstep, in the collection plate, and on my car? :angry:
|
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
"Beano"? What is this "Beano" of which you speak? I've never heard of "Beano." What is the purpose of this "Beano"? :ph34r:
|
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Quote:
Try clicking on the word "Beano" in the Great pastor's post. |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
I think the Mens fart a whole lot more than we do, Mother Glynndie - and show off about it, too!!! :angry:
Rumor has it that the idyllic 32-day Marriage of Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman http://ts4.images.live.com/images/th...7bed9d5882be54 broke up due to his propensity for sticking her head under the covers to give her a "Dutch Oven" :( |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
My dear Tom told me once that semen is a good cure for flattulence. Better than spilling it at least. I don't know whether or not it works, but we have tried numerous times. He says it works. I always trust what he says.
|
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Quote:
|
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
I think the essence of a True Christian™ is to be modest, and generally socially considerate. Some things you know are right, and where there is doubt, look to the Unsaved Trash™. If they are doing it – it is wrong.
Silence is the correct way of proceeding in the presence of flatulence is Am:5:13: Therefore the prudent shall keep silence in that time; for it is an evil time. And was it not Amos himself who said, Am:5:21[…], and I will not smell in your solemn assemblies. If there is a noise to be made, The Lord of Hosts will do it: 1Th:4:16: For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: - and the even the dead will be aware of it. I attach a picture of Unsaved Trash hurrying to his newly wed wife – I believe most will see why breaking wind is not big or clever: |
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
He plays the butt trumpet?
|
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Quote:
|
Re: Honeymoon Farts - We Need to Talk...
Quote:
:stinker: + :angel: = :jesus: maybee it true? :unsure: |
All times are GMT. The time now is 12:25 PM. |
Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.9
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1620, 2022 all rights reserved