Beating my pregnant wife
 

Praise Jesus for bestowing my wife with my seed.

But here's the question. She's very troublesome and needs plenty of correction. How much can I beat her without damaging the baby? Any advice on where on the body is best to hit her? Are electric shocks to prefer?

Or should I, like I'm doing now, trust that Jesus will protect the baby, and just beat her bloody as usual?

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Praise Jesus for this gift, I will pray you are granted a son!
As far as the Will of God goes, I will leave that for a man or Pastor to advise you, as it is not my place.
However, I may be able to offer some information regarding discipline, so that the child is not harmed. Caning/paddling the palms of the hands or soles of the feet is quite a painful experience, making it a very good tool in teaching obedience. As they are extremities, it doesn't seem possible that this could harm the unborn child. You could also try pulling her hair/ I know from experience that this is very uncomfortable! I presume that as she is a Christian woman, she would have long hair, so this should make it much easier to get a good grip.

When all else fails, a good slap to the face will always do, with no damage to your baby :)

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

I wrote an insightful article on this matter:

Start hitting your child with a rod 16 weeks before birth!

No need to thank me, just thank Jesus for creating me.

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

My advice, Brother: before you do anything you might regret, take her to get an ultrasound. If she is with unblemished Man Child, then hands off her! Do not risk depriving the world of another True Christian Warrior™. If she's been cursed with with anything less (female, harelip, retard, etc.) then beat her as severly as you wish.

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Most safe is to go for throat and arms. A throat punch is a good substitute for a belly punch when you just need her quiet and calm for a few minutes. Avoid hitting her belly or tripping her as it might make you an abortion man, and that's the last thing you want to be.

For extra security, tie her against a wall before discipline. Christian Commission on Human Rights (CCHR) will help you if you get in any legal trouble.

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Relish this time while you can. Once the child is born you will have to beat the wife and the newborn separately.

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Thanks. Great practical advice there.

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Thanks. Also good practical advice. I do prefer a slap to the face. It's quick. But has a tendency to leave bruises. I know it's my wife's duty to cover those bruises up. But since I'm a loving and caring husband I try to make life as easy for my wife as possible.

Praise the Lord

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

perhaps we're a bit rough and ready over here but as a child I often played around in the scrapheap by the forge and the (few) Godly men would attend to me (I was often mischevious) using whatever rod was to hand. I particularly remember these


which have had a most beneficial effect in shaping my adult behaviour.

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Why would you want to beat the mother of your child? You are a little sick I the head.
I hope you get Lou Gehrig's disease and your wife can find someone who will look after her and treat her with some respect. :D

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Well now, don't you wish you were a True Christian™ so that the LORD would actually hear your prayers?

The LORD is far from the wicked: but he heareth the prayer of the righteous.
Proverbs 15:29

:giggle:

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

What you have written bears absolutely no relevance to what I have written.

I feel I can safely assume you are a short sighted, un-educated large woman with the IQ of your average rock.

I have belief in people treating each other fairly, I once read 'treat others how you wish to be treated', made sense, so I am going to carry on doing it.

My wife is a loving, caring mother, as we treat each other with repsect we have a strong and happy marriage, we look after each other and enjoy the journey of life together, without her wondering if I am going to smack her. If we have a problem we discuss it like adults, I would never raise my hand to her.

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

I cannot believe you ignore your wife and that she knows you so poorly as to not be able to anticipate your needs.
Tell us, are you one of those closet homosexualizastics?

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Wow, what a wimp. Guess we know who wears the pants in that household.

That being said, I never worry about when my husband is going to smack me. If I mess up, I'm going to get it. I do right, I'm not going to get smacked.

Yet another liebral who doesn't understand the difference between correction and abuse. :wacko:

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

It most certainly does. You hope for a terrible disease to befall a good man whose only crime is to follow God's Will. We all know that hoping, just like wishing on a falling star, does nothing. The only way reality can be changed is when the LORD Almighty Himself miraculously changes it. Of course, He won't be bothered with the likes of you, so you might as well wish on a falling star. If only you were Saved©, you could make a request, and the LORD Almighty Himself would change Heaven and Earth to make it happen (read Luke 11:9-13 for more information).

How stupid can you get? Rocks don't even have IQ's.

:giggle:

I believe in treating others compassionately, whether or not it's fair. For this reason I never pass up the opportunity to share the Good News of Salvation - that the LORD Almighty Himself has sent His Only Beloved Son to die in your place because your sins were too much for Him to bear (1 Peter 2:24). Because this Only Beloved Son is the same as the Father (John 10:30), you could say you made God kill himself. You should pay the price, that's only "fair." Instead, if you but only believe in what the Holy Bible says, you can avoid this punishment. It's not fair, but it is compassionate. Our God is nothing if not Merciful.

:innocent:

She will go to Hell as well, and will look over at you and wonder why you didn't care more to Save her eternal Soul. She'll hate you for all eternity, which will be second in pain only to you hating yourself for dropping the ball. I, on the other hand, will be sitting with Jesus and other True Christians™, having the time of my [immortal] life.

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Holy fornicate you people are retarded, I agree with open mind, you don't be beating your wife. Mary Etheldreda you're a stupid whore!

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Also the whole IQ of rock was literal, rocks don't have IQ's and neither do you.:sarcasm:

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Aren't you just the sharpest pencil in a box of crayons.

You know, God made rocks. Just how stupid is that?

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

And yet, here I am operating a home computer. I don't see any rocks doing that.

:innocent:

Re: Beating my pregnant wife
 

Ive noticed a firm open handed slap to the side of the face is usually enough to keep them quiet long enough to rebuke feisty womenfolk.
They appreciate a strong man anyway and it reinforces your place as head of the house.
I also generally advise dismissing 90% of what a woman says anyway. On any given day a woman will be either recovering from or approaching her unpleasant cursed time so she will usually be far too emotional to listen to reason when it is offered.
A quick slap tends to snap them back to reality just long enough to get a fast point across before they lapse back into the intellectual coma that is a womans thoughts.