Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I have been very concerned about the amount of masturbation "M" threads here and the amount of "M" talk that goes around in this Satan filled World.

All True Christians know you will go to HELL for it and unsaved trash thinks it is "cool".

I wanted to do something to make a stand against "M'ing" and wanted to make a subtle statement that says it isn't cool and yet doesn't mention the "M" word.

So, folks I came up with this T-shirt. Hands off! This shirt will quietly and confidently set you apart from HELLBOUND "M'ers". When you see another True Christian with this T-shirt on in a crowded mall or even in another State while on vacation you will instantly know that he or she is part of the Anti-M club AND a True Christian (you can also give them a knowing wink because you will know you are part of thisv ery special HEAVENBOUND elite club :grin:).

I have a feeling this T-shirt will really take off among the young adults.

Place your orders today.

SIZE:
__ XL (Qnty___) ____ L (Qnty___) M____(Qnty___) S___(Qnty___)

(Please keep in mind that these will be made in Brother Worthington's Malasian factory and may run small or contain lead.)

Please PM me with your Credit Card information and any special shipping instructions.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Since they run small, you better put me down for a Men's Medium.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I'll put you down for one Mens size medium.

Thanks for joining the club! :grin:

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Ahh, if they only had a running shorts version of this! Such a Godly message that would be, front AND back.

I'll take a shirt anyway, and please make it XL. I like to wear one while swimming so that I don't attract the attention of homers. But if it too tight then it defeats the purpose.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Oh Sister Thumper is starting up her "Stop Ming for men series". GLORY! :D

Brothers, if you haven't seen Sister Thumper do this special ministry of hers you are really missing a truly Godly moment. Trust me listing to Sister Thumper's witnessing and your mind will be purged of any sinful thoughts of secular harlots and homors.:thumbsup:

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Sister, I am curious about this. I want to help you promote your Godly cause in any way possible, but of course the Mary Claire and Mary Therese keep me awfully busy in that area, so of course there is no temptation (and no energy) left to "M." May we still buy some T-Shirts?

If so, we would like a Men's XL, a women's L and a womens' M. Come to think of it, perhaps it should be a womens' M and a womens' S. Have you laundered these yet? How do they look wet?

In Christ,
Warren

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I blame women for this whole Onanism problem. If they didn't dress like sluts, guys wouldn't constantly feel the need to violate God's will like this. Hell, if Eve hadn't tricked Adam into eating the forbidden fruit, men wouldn't even know that naked women were naked:

And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. Genesis 3:9-12

Luckily, you'll never find me spanking the monkey over some woman.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Sign me up, Sister Thumper! I would personally like to order two t-shirts for me (that way I can wear one while the other is being washed). However, I see you don't have XXXL size available. Is there a way you can pre-order some special sizes from maybe a "Big and Husky" vendor? Thank you. :thumbsup:

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Those are some ugly shirts.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

They're supposed to make you not masturbate, not sex you up.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Mission accomplished!

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Dear Miss Johnson

I would join this Anti-Masturbation Club.
How to do it ?
Is there any term and condition, or something ?

thanks

blessings.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

put me down for ½ dozen size 8's.

I have a question which you might be able to help me with. As you know, I have not always been a Christian and I'm still obliged to witness numerous perversions in connection with work. Recently at an "art" festival there were the usual M'ing kiosks but there was a new one this year: BODY ART.

One of the "adornments" on offer was a Prince Albert (some sort of piercing, I gathered) but what concerns me is that the picture in this heathen's poster was very similar to the one you posted.

In particular, this bit:

Attachment 18405

What is a Prince Albert, and why would anyone want one?

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Daisy Mae, are the T shirts restricted to potential masturbators? A friend of mine is spreading the good news of Jesus among lepers in India. I was thinking that the T shirts would be great for the children. Maybe 'hands off' could be a fun Bible club for amputees?

YIC

Jack

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

How to spot a wanker:

There are people who claim they can identify a masturbator with one glance. It’s not magic, but solid human observation. Up to a half an hour after the act, the perpetrator’s face has several telltale signs. Facial muscles are far more relaxed than they normally are, minimizing the depth of creases and fine lines. On the other hand, the flesh of the cheeks and forehead is puffy and pink, flush with heightened circulation. There is evidence of fatigue everywhere, from a low hanging jaw to glassy eyes. This is compounded by a general guilt or nervousness as seen in the eyes and posture. It is the apparent contradiction of these characteristics– physically relaxed but psychologically bubbling with a shameful secret– that is the greatest indicator that someone has just masturbated.

More helpful information at:
http://christwire.org/2010/05/how-to...a-masturbator/

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Isn't Prince Albert one of the Queen of England's children with rather large ears?

I've heard they are all sex craved perverts, whores and adulterers. :angry:

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Hello Brethren and Sistren,

Please join our Anti-Masturbation Group - Handz Off for JESUS!

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/group.php?groupid=31

http://nerdapproved.com/wp-content/u...m-2.jpg?cb5e28

Please be sure to share your stories about how you were able to refrain from self molesting while you are there!

GLORY!

Sister Thumper

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I have joined your group, and I will definitely as the fellows from G.A.P.E. if they'd be interested in holding a fundraiser in support of it.

Also, regarding these tee shirts, I'm a bit stocky, and have strangely gained a lot of weight since I quit m-ing. Do you think it might be possible to custom order one in a 3XL for me?

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Brother, how very thoughtful of you to think of these little sinners. I would be glad to donate a box of size small to them because it's the Christian thing to do. :innocent:

However, does your friend know he is wasting his time because cripples can't go to Heaven? :sinner:

Anyway, let me know where to send the T-shirts. :thumbsup:

Kind, generous and helpful,

Sister Thumper
:angel1:

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I need to join this club immediately. While viewing Faith Machine's post: Bachelors, I've found some suitable brides for you! I took my pants off, the shorts I wear under my pants off, and had the key to my underwear out, before I realized God was watching me. I've been praying for the last 20 minutes. Please say a prayer for me also. :(:(:(:(:(

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

How is getting married going to help men to beat off the masturbation habit Brother Sword?

Keeping in mind Jesus is watching us men at ALL times may help.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

It was the pictures of those beautiful women in mini-skirts. Pray for me please. :(

Matthew 5:28


28But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Brother Sword, get a hold of yourself! Er, I mean, get yourself under control!

Sorry I waved temptation under your nose like that, but let's look at the bright side: You proved to yourself that you were able to do the right thing!

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

What is these "Handzoff" cream and gum ?
How it works, how can it help against M-ing?

I tried to search info about it on google, but nothing found.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I suspect that's because Google is run by Northern California limousine liberals who routinely block search results that might be helpful to our Godly cause.

HandzOff is really a wonderful product: When applied to one's genitals, it has an immediate anesthetic effect, causing the area to become as numb as if you'd injected it with Novocaine. However, if you then rub that area with any amount of vigor, the HandzOff cream rapidly breaks down, releasing a powerful capsaicin-based compound that will make your p**** feel like it got to Hell ahead of you, and is already burning.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

After my morning shower, during which I wash my nether regions with a modified back scratcher to avoid any lustful desires from entering my thoughts, I apply HandzOff brand genital anesthetic liberally to my genitals. The instructions say: I didn't wear gloves on my first application and the result was pillow biters trying to sway me from the Lord all day.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_FXpEdd3xzB...p+Wrist+01.jpg

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Whoa, thank you for that testimonial, Sword! Sounds like you really dodged a bullet there. Or several bullets.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Brother,

for immediate relief I suggest using products you may already have in your home, such as Icy Hot or rubbing some Cayenne pepper on your hand before touching your tallywhacker.

I am also aware that some of the Brothers use Dong Tongs so as not to have actual contact with their nether regions.

http://kamasutraproject.com/wp-conte...0/08/tongs.jpg

Helpful,

Sister Thumper

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I checked out the verses against masturbation and I know of one more. It's 1 John 3:9 Whoever has been born of God does not sin, for His seed remains in him and he cannot sin because he has been born of God.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I'm actually not sure what to make of it exactly, I just know it's against masturbation and my current pastor doesn't seem to want to confirm that for me. It's troubling really. I'm sure God gave me that verse, but all the commentaries I've looked up don't seem to say the obvious. That it's talking about masturbation. The greek word for seed there is sperma, so yeah, I'm sure it's talking about that.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

How does one remove the label unsaved trash.. as I am royaly in the Kingdom of heaven. I assume it's by way of how I talk in the forum.. but still to assume that is bad. It's better to say under investigation and leave it at that.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

You can start by following the rules, one of which is to start a thread of your own in the Introduction Forum.

Do you barge into someone's living room and start criticizing their furniture?

Yours in Christ,

Z. Smyth

P.S. You aren't in Heaven.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I'm sorry I keep posting like this, I just keep thinking of things to say. Anyway I do want to join this super awesome kool, terrific, power filled, faith filled group!!! I know I can have more prayers answered if I beat m once in for all. I don't want to be double minded any more on this issue. It's nice to know there are people who think and feel the same way!

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Hello, and welcome to our friendly forums!

You can find information about this and more HERE (including, Why am I labeled "Unsaved Trash" and "Under Investigation"? That's hurtful).

It seems you've forgotten to introduce yourself! Please go ahead and do so HERE, so that we can greet you properly.

:)

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

When I activated my account and when I regestered it didn't say anything about there being extra rules. And my spirit is seated in heaven next to Christ. Ephesians 2:6 "And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus" And while metaphors can be helpful, just because you use one doesn't mean it makes the point you draw right. It seems rude to me to do that to people.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

What you may not understand, dear, is that many (most) people who identify themselves as "seated in heaven next to Christ" are in fact quite mistaken. People think they are close to the Almighty One when in fact they are merely fantasizing about some super-man-like deity that just so happens to agree with them 100%.

Only Landover Baptist Church can guarantee Salvation©, so until a legitimate pastor and personal friend of Jesus Christ says you're Saved©, you're still considered, spiritually and generally speaking, unsaved trash.

I hope that helps.

:)

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I think an Anti-Masturbation club is a great idea. Not masturbating is a lot more fun if you do it in a group.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

I'd also like to join.

I created a separate thread for male chastity devices.

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=86786

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Friend, it remains to be seen whether or not you know Jesus. We follow the Bible to the letter which absolutely instructs us to try the spirits, and that is exactly what we do.

1 John
4:1 Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.

We are True-Christians™ and we are never wrong.:innocent:

1 John
4:4 Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 4:5 They are of the world: therefore speak they of the world, and the world heareth them. 4:6 We are of God: he that knoweth God heareth us; he that is not of God heareth not us. Hereby know we the spirit of truth, and the spirit of error.

We abide in Him and He in us therefore, we are never guilty of the word that you used incorrectly. It is rude to come into a Church Forum, such as this Godly Church Forum®, and to accuse the Brethren of being rude; now that is rude(used correctly), friend.

1 John
2:27 But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.

Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!
 

Amen Brother, it is always more fun and Spirit Lead© when we can all lend a hand.

Psalm 118

118:15 The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tabernacles of the righteous: the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.
118:16 The right hand of the LORD is exalted: the right hand of the LORD doeth valiantly.

And where two or three of us are gathered together, there the Lord is in the midst of us.

Matthew

18:19 Again I say unto you, That if two of you shall agree on earth as touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall be done for them of my Father which is in heaven. 18:20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.

Little become much when Jesus is in it!

Isaiah
60:22 A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation: I the LORD will hasten it in his time.

Amen!

Ephesians
3:20 Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,