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-   Auntie Flo's Prayer Shack for Women (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/forumdisplay.php?f=14)
-   -   I hate going to the toilet (https://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=59945)

Mrs. Mary Whitford 02-17-2011 09:08 PM
I hate going to the toilet
 
I hate going to the toilet as I can't help but feeling that Jesus disapproves of such a filthy act. Surely it can't be pleasant for Him having to see something as disgusting as a person ur***ting or def**ating. :icon8:

Anyway, just a little thought for Thursday.

Nobar King 02-17-2011 09:12 PM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Do you and Mr. Whitford share the same bathroom?

Lycia The Repentant 02-17-2011 09:24 PM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Amen Sister!

I can't help but feel that if God is always watching us, then using the toilet is like making Him watch some sort of filthy pornography.

That's why I try to limit going to the bathroom as much as possible. I know secular doctors say this can cause infections, but to them I say:

"O Timothy, keep that which is committed to thy trust, avoiding profane and vain babblings, and oppositions of science falsely so called: Which some professing have erred concerning the faith. Grace be with thee. Amen." 1 Timothy 6:20-21

Palmer C. Eldrich 02-17-2011 09:36 PM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
I feel weird when I have to go to the bathroom near a woman. I would rather hold it until I get home and can relieve myself when I'm alone.

Grace K 02-17-2011 09:41 PM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria (Post 696941)
I hate going to the toilet as I can't help but feeling that Jesus disapproves of such a filthy act. Surely it can't be pleasant for Him having to see something as disgusting as a person ur***ting or def**ating. :icon8:

Anyway, just a little thought for Thursday.

I thought I was the only person who thought that! I feel so awful when I think about my Pure, Clean, and Perfect Lord seeing me in such a state! It almost makes me cry. :(

Titus Templeton 02-17-2011 09:48 PM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
I think this is also a male problem.
I feel watched while doing it and i am ashamed for doing it.

I have the same problem with showering. I try to do it fast and without emotions...

Felicity 02-17-2011 11:43 PM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
@Sister Mary Maria I always say a little prayer to ask Jesus forgiveness when I have to go. :innocent:

I also think the "For Women" sign here might be too small. :blink:

Rev. Jim Osborne 02-17-2011 11:51 PM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
God's eyes are upon you at all times. At all times. So, even when you're squatted on a toilet seat, straining, and filling up the bathroom with a shameful stink, He is right there, watching you.

Proverbs 15:3 The eyes of the Lord are in every place.
Jeremiah 16:17 For mine eyes are upon all their ways: they are not hid from my face, neither is their iniquity hid from mine eyes.
Jeremiah 23:24 Can any hide himself in secret places that I shall not see him? saith the Lord. Do not I fill heaven and earth?

SUV 02-18-2011 12:00 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Take heart, Sister. There's something about Jesus that makes me feel Sure that He has no interest in we Ladies whatsoever. Praise!

James Hutchins 02-18-2011 12:51 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
After an exceptionally large feast at the Hutchins home, our old style septic system is really taxed.
It simply flows out a very long pipe to the fishing pond the field workers use for food. Sometimes you can see things floating.

WilliamJenningsBryan 02-18-2011 01:01 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Landover's very own Judy O'Christian has some dire warnings about being unexpectedly caught in the toilet when the Rapture comes. Read more about it at the link below.

Quote:
Don't Get Caught On The Toilet When Jesus Comes Back!
BY LANDOVER LADY: JUDY O'CHRISTIAN

…
So let's not get caught on the devil's johnny when the Lord comes a' callin' friends! I really believe the only way to assure salvation while you are sitting on the toilet is if your bottom is planted firmly into one of my Rapture Ready Toilet® seats ($2,489.00 Sears Model). My Rapture Ready Toilet® (featuring "The Target," Hillary Clinton's face handpainted inside the bowl), was created by Christians FOR Christians! Not only does it have a stink proofer, so Jesus doesn't have to smell your sin deposits, but it also has an anti-masturbation mechanism, a giant picture of Jesus, a Bible rest, a stereo hooked up to Pastor's best sermons, and a self wiper! If you can't afford a Rapture Ready Toilet®, my advice (and this does not guarantee that you will be raptured) is to wear an adult diaper and keep a can of Glade nearby to hide the smell! I suggest that you wear that diaper to work, to school, to your seat in Congress (the White House has already implemented this solution to assure their ascendency to Heaven; GW Bush and Cheney love wearing their adult diapers and report extra "freedom" to perform their tasks). Even Ari Fleisher, the Jew, who insists he will wait until the very last minute to accept Jesus and stop being an unsaved Jew, is wearing Depends®. True Christians across the nation are dutifully following their example. Praise God! But I still suggest you purchase one of my toilets, just in case.

As a final word of caution, all True Christians®, take note! You will only join me and Jesus in Heaven if you stay away from the toilet and all its dirty business as much as Christianly possible. Even if it means holding it in for days on end! For the Lord tells us -- He will appear like a thief in the night! No one knows the day or the hour! Don't get caught with your trousers down by your ankles! Oh Heavens No! I couldn't bear the thought! Please show Jesus that you are a True Christian® Republican who doesn't lower himself and "go to the bathroom." I pray for you to be stench-less and worthy of entering the House of the Lord, where the only smell will be the sweet scent of the precious blood of Jesus!

http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news0802/toilet.html

Professor Bessemer 02-18-2011 03:12 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
I used to feel the same way, but my elective rectumectomy changed my life! As I have stated before, I praise Jesus every time I empty my colostomy bag! When I think of all the time I used to force Jesus to watch me pushing, straining, crying, wiping, scrubbing, and disinfecting myself down there I cannot help but feel sorry for our Lord. And the hours and hours I wasted using my bidet, such a pity.

Lately, I have also taken to using a self inserted catheter for my liquid waste as well. It drains into a convenient reservoir that is strapped to my right leg. Now, the Lord only ever has to watch me emptying plastic bags! Praise!

Albasha 02-21-2011 11:37 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sister Mary Maria (Post 696941)
I hate going to the toilet as I can't help but feeling that Jesus disapproves of such a filthy act. Surely it can't be pleasant for Him having to see something as disgusting as a person ur***ting or def**ating. :icon8:

Anyway, just a little thought for Thursday.
In my humble opinion, may I suggest investing in one of these to camouflage the dirty act.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...StTO-dmKcLma-f

Also I would point out that you should never sit like this as it may appear to God looking down from above, you are up to something dirty

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...RmhPh9aoIatONS

I suggest taking a bible so you can beg God for forgiveness while covering up anything that would bring the fury of God
http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...Eo1BRjnKvVUNPb

Lost Sheep McUinnean 02-21-2011 11:51 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Albasha (Post 698768)
In my humble opinion, may I suggest investing in one of these to camouflage the dirty act.

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...StTO-dmKcLma-f

Also I would point out that you should never sit like this as it may appear to God looking down from above, you are up to something dirty

http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...RmhPh9aoIatONS

I suggest taking a bible so you can beg God for forgiveness while covering up anything that would bring the fury of God
http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:A...Eo1BRjnKvVUNPb

I agree with this idea in principle brother, although the child in the last photo is NOT using a KJV.

(Although I suppose she might be reading through a non-approved false Bible as she's run out of....em.....paper.)

Albasha 02-21-2011 11:57 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Agreed.

Anyone who misuses the bible be warned

Ezekiel 23:26

They shall also strippe thee out of thy clothes, and take away thy faire iewels

Brother Helge 02-26-2011 01:19 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Albasha (Post 698777)
Agreed.

Anyone who misuses the bible be warned

Ezekiel 23:26

They shall also strippe thee out of thy clothes, and take away thy faire iewels
But why did you post a picture of a girl reading a false Bible? :(

TheHolySmighter 02-26-2011 01:36 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SUV (Post 697092)
Take heart, Sister. There's something about Jesus that makes me feel Sure that He has no interest in we Ladies whatsoever. Praise!
This made me chuckle
because it is saying that.u think that jezus is gay

... You guys hate gay people => u guys hate jezus? Lawl badass

Brother Helge 02-26-2011 01:44 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHolySmighter (Post 701193)
This made me chuckle
because it is saying that.u think that jezus is gay

... You guys hate gay people => u guys hate jezus? Lawl badass
No, Jesus is a white heterosexual protestant like the rest of us.

Had you've been a real man - you wouldn't have cared less for womens problems.
As you apparently do care - you must be a homer.

Burn in Hell! :sinner:

TheHolySmighter 02-26-2011 01:46 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Who did ever said that im not a woman?
I didnt.

Brother Helge 02-26-2011 02:05 AM
Re: I hate going to the toilet
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheHolySmighter (Post 701198)
Who did ever said that im not a woman?
I didnt.
Apology accepted.


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