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-   -   Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar? (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=13243)

Pastor Ezekiel 07-13-2008 05:00 AM

Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Brothers, I happened across THIS story about a Godless Mormon getting into hot water with the pope of the mormons (or whatever they have), when I was struck with the Holy Spirit and had an idea. I thought I might run it by you God fearing Manly Men and see who salutes it.

Quote:

Shirtless Mormons have Vegas man in hot water

SALT LAKE CITY - A Las Vegas man who devised a calendar that features shirtless Mormon missionaries is facing a disciplinary hearing and possible excommunication because of the project.

A lifetime member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Chad Hardy was summoned by letter to a Sunday meeting with a council of elders to discuss his "conduct unbecoming a member of the church."

A copy of the letter from Frank E. Davie, the senior leader over a group of Mormon congregations in the Las Vegas area, was provided to The Associated Press. It was sent early this week, days before the 2009 version of the "Men on a Mission" calendar went to press, Hardy said in a telephone interview.

A takeoff on calendars of firefighters and returned U.S. servicemen, Hardy's project debuted with a 2008 calendar featuring 12 returned church missionaries in mostly modest poses, minus their trademark white shirts, ties and black plastic name badges. It has sold nearly 10,000 copies.

"You see more in a JCPenney catalog," said Hardy, 31, who once worked for Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller and now has his own entertainment company. "I just feel like my right to free speech is being violated."

The calendar was designed to shake up Mormon stereotypes, Hardy said. The pages include photos of the men dressed in standard missionary garb. In biographical sketches each missionary talks about his beliefs.

A returned missionary himself, Hardy acknowledged he has not been an active member of the church since 2002. He said he's never been contacted by anyone from the church encouraging his return to the fold and he suspects the current inquiry was driven by the church's Salt Lake City headquarters.

"I'm still a good Mormon boy in many ways," said Hardy, who says he bears no animosity toward Latter-day Saints, but never felt he fit in. "I still want to hold onto my heritage."

Some of the missionaries in the calendar, many of whom were recruited by Hardy's friends at church events, have been asked by their church leaders about the project, but none has faced disciplinary action, Hardy said.

Church spokeswoman Kim Farah declined to comment on Hardy's specific situation, but said that "any church discipline is the result of actions not beliefs." Decisions are made at the local level and are based on individual circumstances and merits, she said.

"Because the fundamental purpose of church discipline has always been to help members, rather than simply punish, disciplinary councils are considered a necessary step in repentance on the way back to full harmony and fellowship in the church," she said.

Members have been excommunicated for reasons including criminal activity and scholarly works of history or theology that contradicted church claims.

An excommunicated person would be removed from official church rolls, although he or she would still be welcome at church services. Excommunicated members are prohibited from receiving the sacrament and can't perform church callings such as teaching or preaching during meetings. They also cannot enter church temples.

The 2009 calendar - which drew 100 inquiries from interested missionaries - will be released in September.
Now Brothers, hear me out...This could be a real money maker. You all know that I need a new jacuzzi in the west wing of my estate the main cathedral needs a new roof. A calendar like this could be just the ticket! And it would be VERY tasteful, of course! I've even got a few candid shots laying around that I might be persuaded to offer for publication...


Nobar King 07-13-2008 06:54 AM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
If we can raise some money for our overseas mission, I'm game, although I'm sure brother Santiago might be more appropriate for the assignment.

Brother Enoch 07-13-2008 07:04 AM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Now that's what I'm talkin about Pastor Ezekial!

Fabulous pic of you! It would surely inspire wetter than spring True Christian ladies to beg their middle-aged hubbies to create another teensy True Christian to add to the fold. Good stuff!

As you can see by my Avatar photo, I am also a strikingly handsome man. Sadly, though, my years as a Catlick have resulted in God leaving His mark of rebuke on me. In the form of not only a third, but a fourth nipple.

So I cannot volunteer for the calendar unless you have some good photoshop software.

Also God, knowing before my birth that I would spend years as a heretic, pre-punished me by having me born with nether equipment that would make a chink laugh. So there would be no manly bulge in my speedos to inspire the ladies to add to God's roster of True Christians. :sigh:

I apologize for my inadequacies but am comforted by the knowledge that there are many True Christian manly men at Landover who could easily fill a dozen calendars.

Pastor Isaac Peters 07-13-2008 12:18 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
I suppose that I could be persuaded to participate, since it is for the glory of God and the benefit of His favorite church. I have taken care of my body out of gratitude to the Creator Who gave it to me. In fact, my daughter's betrothed says that I have a very good body for a man of my age.

Ezekiel Bathfire 07-13-2008 03:13 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
I have a photo of my privately chastising a witch, I see it as Mr October.

Old Man Hatchet 07-13-2008 05:33 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
1 Attachment(s)
Here's a photo of me at the beach when I was a bit younger. Perfect for the month of July.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/45/17...5d19ed.jpg?v=0

By God, I was a handsome devil. I could scarcely walk ten feet without having a woman throw her bloomers in my face. I also received many a racy photo. Ladies worshiped the Hatchman©.

Comrade V 07-13-2008 07:33 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 209895)

You have a disturbingly long neck, Pastor....:o

Jacques Anape 07-13-2008 09:20 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Quote:

I need a new jacuzzi in the west wing of my estate

Someone seems to have forgotten how to use the ‘delete’ key.

I think that’s very telling.

Pastor Isaac Peters 07-13-2008 10:11 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet (Post 209976)
Here's a photo of me at the beach when I was a bit younger. Perfect for the month of July.

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/45/17...5d19ed.jpg?v=0

By God, I was a handsome devil. I could scarcely walk ten feet without having a woman throw her bloomers in my face. I also received many a racy photo. Ladies worshiped the Hatchman©.

Please, Brother, do you really want to throw Lumpy into fits of jealousy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jacques Mihoff (Post 210006)
Someone seems to have forgotten how to use the ‘delete’ key.

I think that’s very telling.

There's a certain book — not that you're ever going to get around to reading it — that addresses the issue of whether you should covet what belongs to one of our Godly senior pastors.

Roberta 07-13-2008 10:30 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
To be politically correct, I submit this cop for consideration.

Bob4God 07-23-2008 04:10 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
I think this could be a good idea.

We know ladies have minds that are weaker than ours, and thus more prone to lurid thoughts. We might as well give them something wholesome to look at, and associate them to Godly sex, instead of secular filth.

I have some youth group photos taken up at the lake I might be able to contribute.

Praise!

Rev. M. Rodimer 07-23-2008 05:14 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Avatar (Post 209906)
Also God, knowing before my birth that I would spend years as a heretic, pre-punished me by having me born with nether equipment that would make a chink laugh. So there would be no manly bulge in my speedos to inspire the ladies to add to God's roster of True Christians. :sigh:

I'm sure we could find you a sock somewhere. :thumbsup:

I have photos I could submit, but I'm not entirely sure how I feel about this calendar idea yet. I have some concerns about it falling into the hands of Homersexuals, in fact.

Every time I stop at a rest stop along the highway, I'm approached by Homersexuals. Some say they're just using the restroom, but I see how they are looking at me while touching themselves, and I decry their depravity. They usually run away, but sometimes, I'm forced to take them out back among the trees and administer a righteous pounding! Incredibly, I often see the SAME filthy sodomites showing up at the SAME rest stops, even after I've brutally hammered away at them in the woods. They just don't seem to learn. :wacko:

I admit that such experiences leave me completely drained; I sleep for hours when I get home!

Anyway, the point is that photos such as these, of manly Landover men, could tempt sodomites. They might start showing up trying to get into services, or hanging out at the rest stop on the highway nearest Freehold. Some of you may also experience the terrifying sexual advances to which I've been subject.

Is that a risk you're willing to take?

Nobar King 07-23-2008 05:31 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
That makes it sound less appealing, now.

Bob4God 07-23-2008 06:51 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
How could homos get a hold of it unless there are no homos at LBC???

Melbran 10-06-2008 02:58 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel (Post 209895)
Brothers, I happened across THIS story about a Godless Mormon getting into hot water with the pope of the mormons (or whatever they have), when I was struck with the Holy Spirit and had an idea. I thought I might run it by you God fearing Manly Men and see who salutes it.



Now Brothers, hear me out...This could be a real money maker. You all know that I need a new jacuzzi in the west wing of my estate the main cathedral needs a new roof. A calendar like this could be just the ticket! And it would be VERY tasteful, of course! I've even got a few candid shots laying around that I might be persuaded to offer for publication...


Thank you Ezekial, for confirming what I already knew....HOMO!!!!!!! What a gay suggestion, I bet you cannot wait to see your fellow pastors in their skivvies! :)

SUV 10-06-2008 03:47 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
I see this was first posted last July, long before Hitonmi 'came out' so to speak, wearing Gold Lame' :(

I wasn't in here - only threw a memo sheet in the door.

Ouch! ..... OUCH!!! :glare:

Melbran 10-06-2008 04:12 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by SUV (Post 245828)
I see this was first posted last July, long before Hitonmi 'came out' so to speak, wearing Gold Lame' :(

I wasn't in here - only threw a memo sheet in the door.

Ouch! ..... OUCH!!! :glare:

The post date does not change the homosexual undertone no less:thumbsup:

Pastor Billy-Reuben 10-06-2008 06:30 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
1 Attachment(s)
If it helps raise money for a Worthy cause, then here is a picture of me that Doreen took at the beach this summer.

Attachment 6383

Ezekiel Bathfire 10-06-2008 06:53 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Huh, mine, as Mr October privately chastizing a witch, has gone - here it is again:

Osambo 08 10-06-2008 06:58 PM

Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire (Post 245956)
Huh, mine, as Mr October privately chastizing a witch, has gone - here it is again:

Are you raping her?Why is she having an orgasm? :angry:


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