"Noobs" please read this before posting.
This is not a debate forum. The purpose of this site is to praise and glorify the Lord, Jesus Christ. It is a place for Christians to fellowship and worship. The goal of the Landover Baptist Church forum is to draw people to Jesus Christ because Scripture confirms that salvation comes only through Him.
Luke 6:22 tells us that because we preach the True doctrine of Jesus, men shall hate us and call us evil. So naturally, we expect that folks will get their feathers ruffled by some of the things they have to say, and they will come on here to argue with us. Perhaps we have said something that upset you. Maybe it was something I said. If so, then I am sorry that you are upset, but I do not apologize for what I have said. My words and thoughts come from the Holy Scriptures. I didn't write the Bible -- God did. So if my words upset you, then you don't have a problem with me -- you have a problem with God.
We tend to get two types of dissenters here. Some are calm and reasonable folks who are capable of rational discussion. I personally enjoy discussing religious topics with this sort of person. Others, however, are angry trolls who are just here to flame us. If you are here to flame us, please read this first.
Frequently Asked Questions:
Do you think we twist scripture?
If you consider yourself to be a Christian, and you are here because you think we are in error, then this section is for you.
We believe that the Bible is the literal inerrant Word of God. We understand the Bible by following the principle of "least scripture twisting". We believe that the best way to understand a passage is to read it as a child would read it. If you are in doubt as to what a passage means, ask a child to read it and tell you what he thinks it means. This method of understanding the Bible leads to the least amount of Scripture twisting. We read the words for what they say, rather than what we want them to say.
We also believe that the King James Bible is the only accurate English translation of God's Word. It is the only English language Bible based on the Textus Receptus. All others are based on the Alexandrian Manuscripts and the Latin Vulgate. The King James Bible is public domain, which means anyone can publish it. All other English language Bibles are copyrighted by Harper-Collins. Harper-Collins also publishes How-To gay sex manuals and the Satanic Bible. Matthew 7:16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?
Please read this link for more information: http://www.biblebelievers.com/jmelton/knowkjv.html.
Now, friend, if you have read all of this, and still believe that our doctrine is in error, we will be eternally grateful if you can demonstrate this to us, using in-context Scripture from the King James Bible, following the principle of "least scripture twisting".
You may be a liberal Christian, who believes that God's Word must be twisted and "interpreted" beyond recognition before it can be properly understood, and that we must rely on private interpretation. If you have an original argument as to why the book that appears to be an easy-to-follow instruction manual is actually a book of riddles that only a master Theologian can understand, we are all ears.
Do you think we are ignorant?
If you are an atheist, and you are here to debate the existence of God with us, or to correct our understanding of science, then this section is for you.
Let me give you the following protips:
Do you think we are intolerant?
If you are here because you think we are intolerant, and you are here to try to get us to change our "intolerant" ways, then this section is for you.
We have different definitions of tolerance and hate. You think that we hate someone when we show intolerance, and that to love someone means to tolerate his differences.
We believe that tolerance is the opposite of love. We believe that all nonbelievers are going to be tormented forever in Hell. To be tolerant would be to stand idly by and do nothing, while these folks approach certain doom. We believe that it is loving to rebuke and reproach these people, to save them from doom by any means necessary.
Are You Here for Interfaith Dialog?
If you are a Muslim, Catholic, Pagan, or other non-Christian, and you are here for some interfaith dialog, then this section is for you.
Welcome, friend. If you are here in a spirit of peace and wish to learn more about our religion, and want to teach us more about your religion, then you are welcome here. If you are here because you think we are intolerant of your religion, then please go back and read the previous section.
Keep in mind, however, that most of us are well educated. If your religion has been around for a while and has a large enough following, then it is likely that we have already studied your religion in depth.
Also keep in mind, that our religion tells us that salvation comes only through Jesus Christ, and that if you aren't a Christian, then you will be damned to the fiery pits of Hell for all eternity. We aren't gloating about this. We treat this fact with all of the solemnity that it deserves. We will not give up on you until we have saved you from this fate.
Do you think we are unnecessarily harsh?
If you agree that folks need to be saved, but think we are going about the business of getting them saved in the wrong way -- if you think we should not be insulting the unsaved heathens who darken our forum and telling them that they are going to Hell -- then this section is for you.
What follows here is a transcript of an earlier conversation I had with a seeker, where I convinced him of the soundness of our methods.
Matthew 10:28 And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.
That's Jesus talking there, friend.
1 Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples,
2 Saying The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat:
3All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.
4 For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
5 But all their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments,
6 And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues,
7 And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi.
8 But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren.
9A And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.
10 Neither be ye called masters: for one is your Master, even Christ.
11 But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.
12 And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.
13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.
14 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.
15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
16 Woe unto you, ye blind guides, which say, Whosoever shall swear by the temple, it is nothing; but whosoever shall swear by the gold of the temple, he is a debtor!
17 Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gold, or the temple that sanctifieth the gold?
18 And, Whosoever shall swear by the altar, it is nothing; but whosoever sweareth by the gift that is upon it, he is guilty.
19 Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gift, or the altar that sanctifieth the gift?
20 Whoso therefore shall swear by the altar, sweareth by it, and by all things thereon.
21 And whoso shall swear by the temple, sweareth by it, and by him that dwelleth therein.
22 And he that shall swear by heaven, sweareth by the throne of God, and by him that sitteth thereon.
23 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.
24 Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.
25 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.
26 Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.
27 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.
28 Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.
29 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! because ye build the tombs of the prophets, and garnish the sepulchres of the righteous,
30 And say, If we had been in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets.
31 Wherefore ye be witnesses unto yourselves, that ye are the children of them which killed the prophets.
32 Fill ye up then the measure of your fathers.
33 Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?
34 Wherefore, behold, I send unto you prophets, and wise men, and scribes: and some of them ye shall kill and crucify; and some of them shall ye scourge in your synagogues, and persecute them from city to city:
35 That upon you may come all the righteous blood shed upon the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel unto the blood of Zacharias son of Barachias, whom ye slew between the temple and the altar.
36 Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation.
37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!
38 Behold, your house is left unto you desolate.
39 For I say unto you, Ye shall not see me henceforth, till ye shall say, Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord.
PRAISE the sweet name of Jesus!
How DARE you judge me!
If you think Christians should not judge others, then this section is for you.
If you think the Bible forbids judging others, then you haven't read it. The Bible forbids superficial judgment based on appearances and it forbids hypocrisy, but it does not forbid judgment. On the contrary, the saved are commanded to pass judgment on others.
Lev 19:15 In righteousness shalt thou judge thy neighbour.
Jn 7:24 Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.
I Cor 2:15 But he that is spiritual judgeth all things, yet he himself is judged of no man.
I Cor 5:12-13 For what have I to do to judge them also that are without? do not ye judge them that are within? But them that are without God judgeth. Therefore put away from among yourselves that wicked person.
I Cor 6:2-3 Do ye not know that the saints shall judge the world? and if the world shall be judged by you, are ye unworthy to judge the smallest matters? Know ye not that we shall judge angels? how much more things that pertain to this life?
Liberal Christians frequently take Matthew 7:1 out of context by claiming that it is prohibition against judging others. The full context is Matthew 7:1-5, and it is a prohibition against hypocrisy.
1 Judge not, that ye be not judged.
2 For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.
3 And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?
4 Or how wilt thou say to thy brother, Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye?
5 Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye.
My job as a Pastor is to find folks who are lost and to try to get them saved. That job would be made a lot harder if I were unable to judge who is lost and in need of salvation.
How DARE you tell me I'm going to Hell!
If you think no person can know whether a person is going to Hell, then this section is for you.
Someone once said this to me, in all seriousness.
It doesn't matter what I or any other person thinks about you being Gay. Before I read the Bible, I never cared what anyone else's sexual orientation was. It doesn't hurt me that they are gay, as far as I could tell. I know several people who are gay. They are all creative and hard working members of society. Some of them even raised adopted children, and they turned out just fine.
The fact of the matter is, God is the one who doesn't like that you are gay. He is the one Who declared homosexuality to be a sin, not me.
First of all, God tells us that EVERYONE is a sinner (Ecc 7:20, Jn 8:34, Rom 3:10, Rom 8:7-8, I Cor 2:14), nothing anyone does is good enough to please God (Is 64:6), and EVERYONE therefore deserves to go to Hell (Rom 3:23, Rom 6:23, Rev 20:15).
The only way to saved is to be called by God (Mt 22:14, Jn 6:44, Rm 9:11), to be convicted of your sins by the Holy Ghost (Acts 2:38, Titus 3:5), and to be born again through Jesus Christ (John 3:3).
Since I have done all of that, I know for a fact that I am saved. If you haven't done all of that, then I know for a fact that if you were to die right now, you would go straight to Hell. You can tell me you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior and that you are saved, but if you are continuing to live a life of sin, I will know that you are lying and you aren't really saved (1 John 3:4-12, James 2:14-26). My job as a Pastor is to convince you of the need to get right with Jesus.
Do you think we are a false religion?
Perhaps you've heard that we are a joke, false religion or parody, and you came to our site for a few cheap laughs or "lulz", only to find people taking everything seriously. So now you have decided to be the first to "spill the beans" and let everyone in on your "knowledge". Friend, this has been done so many times that it isn't funny any more.
When an Atheist loses a debate to a fundamentalist Christian, it is a common tactic to accuse the Christian of being a parody. The Atheist is so full of pride, that he cannot imagine being outsmarted by a dumb God-Believer, so he thinks the Christian must be an Atheist like himself who is only pretending to be Christian. This is known as Tabor's Law.
Our situation is not helped by the fact that there is some atheist satirist who does an impression of our Pastor Deacon Fred at atheist conventions. People hear about him and start rumors that they are the same person and that the real Landover Baptist Church is also just a joke. Some Atheists go so far as to vandalize our church's Wikipedia page to say that we are a false religion.
Here is a link to the version of the Landover Baptist Wikipedia article before the vandals got a hold of it.
Re: "Noobs" please read this before posting.
If you're thinking about moving to Freehold Iowa, this section is for you:
Here is the City-Data Page for Freehold, Iowa
Note in particular:
Church is at most a few blocks away: It's the square building with the white squares on the roof, south across the steet from the southern end of 17th ct.
The metal-roofed section is the Gold and Platinum tither's garage/tin tithers seating.
The separate metal shack to the west is for women during their unclean time.
Are you in Des Moines?
NO! We are surrounded, besieged if you will, by the sin-filled urban area of Des Moines, but Freehold is a separate city with our own mayor and government/pastors.
Is the area bicycle-friendly?
No! The eco-terrorist groin-massagers known as bicycles are banned by local bylaw. Freehold Iowa is proud to be the city with the highest car-to-human ratio in the world. Look around for yourself.
What about those rumours about the FBI finding a mass grave for illegal immigrant laborers?
The discolored area of grass on the lawn south of the menstrating women's shack is due to an ancient Native American burial ground. Note the earthen pyramid to the south of the Church. Anyone caught desecrating the ancient Native American burial site by digging in it will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law! Also note that the FBI are sick of this rumor and anyone contacting the FBI about it will be charged with harrassing an Officer of the Peace.
Re: "Noobs" please read this before posting.
Is This Church a Racist Organization?
No. We believe that God has a special place in society for everyone, no matter how unintelligent and ugly they are.
What is the position in society of (insert race here)?
If your ancestors are: African
Your position in society is: Slave of slaves. Best segregated, as your curse might hurt others.
And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, [Father of Asians] and Ham, [father of blacks] and Japheth [father of Whites]: and Ham is the father of Canaan. These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread.
And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:
And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.
And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.
And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness.
And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.
And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants ("The lowest of slaves - New International Version) shall he be unto his brethren.
And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant. - Genesis 9:18-27
If your ancestors are: Unmarried (within 10 generations)
Your position in society is: Same as under secularism, but you can't enter church.
Because: A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD. - Deuteronomy 23:2
If your ancestors are: Greek
Your position in society is: Same as under secularism, but everybody knows you're literally a motherf*cker:
Because: It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. - 1 Corinthians 5:1 (there is sexual immorality among you...man has his father's wife - New International Version)
If your ancestors are: Greek (Cretian)
Your position in society is: Meat.
One of themselves, even a prophet of their own, said, The Cretians are alway liars, evil beasts, slow bellies. This witness is true. (Titus 1:12)
How do you know that the sons of Ham are blacks?
The Answers In Genesis Creation Museum says so:
What about interracial/intercultural marriage?
God commands us against them:
Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. - Deuteronomy 7:3
But why? And can I at least have a foreign girlfriend or mistress?
No. Your black mistress will end up converting you to her "black Jesus" and Kawanzaa heresies:
But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh (who is African), women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites;
Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love. -1st Kings 11:1-2
If they can even corrupt as Godly a man as King Solomon, the wisest man of all time (1 Kings 4:31), imagine what they'll do to you!
Do you support segregation or integration?
God says integration leads to heresy:
And the children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites:
And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods.
And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and forgat the LORD their God, and served Baalim and the groves. - Judges 3:5-7
So if I can't live in the same neighborhoods as non-W.A.S.P.S., can I at least visit?
No. Even looking at them will mess you up: Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things. - Proverbs 23:33
But black women are so attractive!
Some are, but that's rare:
I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.
Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: Song of Solomon 1:5-6
Is it even possible to re-segregate?
It is, and it's as important a part of Christianity as confessing your sins:
And the seed of Israel separated themselves from all strangers, and stood and confessed their sins, and the iniquities of their fathers. -Nehemiah 9:2
I'm of mixed-race, are my parents sinners?
Yes: The people of Israel, and the priests, and the Levites, have not separated themselves from the people of the lands, doing according to their abominations, even of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians, and the Amorites.
For they have taken of their daughters for themselves, and for their sons: so that the holy seed have mingled themselves with the people of those lands: yea, the hand of the princes and rulers hath been chief in this trespass. - Ezra 9:1-2
Why are white people's genes holy?
Because God says so. See Ezra 9:1-2 above.
I know Africa is a mess, but it can change, right?
The Bible says you can take the blacks out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the blacks: Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil. -Jeremiah 13:23
So what should our foreign policy towards Africa be?
Invade and exterminate. Also kill all the men of nations that are allied with African nations:
Ethiopia (old term for most of Africa), and Libya, and Lydia, and all the mingled people, and Chub, and the men of the land that is in league, (African Union etc.) shall fall with them by the sword. - Ezekiel 30:5
Does God listen the prayers of Christians who aren't white Americans?
No, He doesn't want to listen to non-whites and non-Americans because Jesus considers them dogs:
But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.
But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it to dogs - Matthew 15:24-26
But how do you know Jesus is white?
First let's agree on these definitions:
Ruddy: rosy-cheeked, sunburnt
fair countenence: white face and facial features (nose is not hooked or flat, for example)
Jesus was a Nazarite:
Her Nazarites were purer than snow, they were whiter than milk, they were more ruddy in body than rubies - Lamentations 4:7
Unless you're one of those perverts who believe that the Song of Solomon is pornography, you'll agree that the Song of Solomon is a prophecy predicting the love of Jesus. And here is Jesus described as being outstandingly ruddy among 10,000, that is, among the whitest 0.0001% of the population:
My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand - Song of Solomon 5:10
Jesus was descended from King David, also white, and who was a victim of anti-White racism:
And when the Philistine looked about, and saw David, he disdained him: for he was but a youth, and ruddy, and of a fair countenance. - 1 Samuel 17:42
God chooses prophets and rulers of nations by simply choosing the white person:
Again, Jesse made seven of his sons to pass before Samuel. And Samuel said unto Jesse, The LORD hath not chosen these.
And Samuel said unto Jesse, Are here all thy children? And he said, There remaineth yet the youngest, and, behold, he keepeth the sheep. And Samuel said unto Jesse, Send and fetch him: for we will not sit down till he come hither.
And he sent, and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, and withal of a beautiful countenance, and goodly to look to. And the LORD said, Arise, anoint him: for this is he. Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward. So Samuel rose up, and went to Ramah. - 1 Samuel 16:10-13
Note that Hussien Obama is not ruddy.
Re: "Noobs" please read this before posting.
Why am I labeled "Unsaved Trash" and "Under Investigation"? That's hurtful.
Everyone is labeled so until Our Lord Jesus Christ and the DOF determine that they should be labeled otherwise. As for whether it's hurtful, you should be grateful for the lesson in Christian humility:
Luke 14:7-11 KJV - And he put forth a parable to those which were bidden, when he marked how they chose out the chief rooms; saying unto them, When thou art bidden of any [man] to a wedding, sit not down in the highest room; lest a more honourable man than thou be bidden of him; And he that bade thee and him come and say to thee, Give this man place; and thou begin with shame to take the lowest room. But when thou art bidden, go and sit down in the lowest room; that when he that bade thee cometh, he may say unto thee, Friend, go up higher: then shalt thou have worship in the presence of them that sit at meat with thee. For whosoever exalteth himself shall be abased; and he that humbleth himself shall be exalted.
Re: "Noobs" please read this before posting.
Have YOU read this thread, n00bie? :rtfm:
Re: "Noobs" please read this before posting.
Hosana! Our God truly is an awesome God.
Re: "Noobs" please read this before posting.
What about my questions on other subjects?
With almost one million posts in this forum, odds are your question has already been answered. Here are some articles containing links organized by subject:
Click here if your question is about other religions and belief systems.
Click here if your question is about history.
Click here if your question is about geography, that is, a certain place or nationality.
Click here if your question is about science.
Click here if your question is about political ideas and controversies.
Click here if your question is about News, Current Events, or other signs of the apocalypse.
Click here if your question is about a particular politician.
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