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-   -   Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich? (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=97652)

Witch Hammer 03-11-2014 07:31 PM

Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Music to a father's ears, I tell you!

My 5 year old daughter asked me this today. I had somehow forgotten to give her a preemptive beating at 6:30 am, as is customary in our household. But she, the little dear, took it upon herself to remind me!

Potential sin, especially among females, is best nipped in the bud before it can blossom into full fledged wickedness. Correct the children betimes, the Good Book™ tells us.

So, my marginally thoughtful daughter, rather than try to flee from responsibility like most females, stepped up like a little trooper and took one in the teeth for Christ. God bless her heart!

Attila's Wife 03-11-2014 07:36 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Awww! Sweet! Bless her. And congratulations on raising such a splendid little girl.

JewPincher 03-17-2014 04:30 AM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
The fist is very effective. My two girls were raised on beatings through a wooden spoon. They are both very obedient young ladies. You are on the right track! Good job on raising a good American Christian girl! :thumbsup:

Chewer 03-17-2014 05:06 AM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Witch Hammer (Post 1072381)
Music to a father's ears, I tell you!

My 5 year old daughter asked me this today. I had somehow forgotten to give her a preemptive beating at 6:30 am, as is customary in our household. But she, the little dear, took it upon herself to remind me!

Potential sin, especially among females, is best nipped in the bud before it can blossom into full fledged wickedness. Correct the children betimes, the Good Book™ tells us.

So, my marginally thoughtful daughter, rather than try to flee from responsibility like most females, stepped up like a little trooper and took one in the teeth for Christ. God bless her heart!

Hats off to you Witch Hammer. You seem like a great father. Hopefully she will grow up to bear many sons for you.

Witch Hammer 03-17-2014 07:15 AM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dipper Man (Post 1074021)
Hopefully she will grow up to bear many sons for you.

What are you implying, wretch?

Cranky Old Man 03-17-2014 01:36 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
You are a better father than I am Brother Witch Hammer! I would never use my bare hands for educating children in the love of Jesus. Especially a worthless girl. You must love Jesus a lot and even your daughter a little to hurt your own hand for them.

Chewer 03-17-2014 09:25 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Witch Hammer (Post 1074037)
What are you implying, wretch?

I misspoke Sir. I did not mean with you, or anything of that nature. I meant I hope she will grow up to have many sons so you can be a good grandfather. No disrespect, or sin intended.

Orem Festus Jr. 03-17-2014 09:48 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Dipper Man (Post 1074130)
I misspoke Sir. I did not mean with you, or anything of that nature. I meant I hope she will grow up to have many sons so you can be a good grandfather. No disrespect, or sin intended.

Tarnation,boy! Is you plumb idgit? Sassin one of them true Christians is a shore way to git mre of them red sqares i seen up by your name there. Tread real careful like,son.id hate to see what what'd be left of you if you get in a tangle with one of them fellers!

Chewer 03-18-2014 03:33 AM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Orem Festus Jr. (Post 1074140)
Tarnation,boy! Is you plumb idgit? Sassin one of them true Christians is a shore way to git mre of them red sqares i seen up by your name there. Tread real careful like,son.id hate to see what what'd be left of you if you get in a tangle with one of them fellers!

Can anyone translate this from demon possessed 4th grader to Godly English please?

Witch Hammer 03-18-2014 04:30 AM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Why don't you two queers take your nasty little homersexual dance of seduction elsewhere, you've both tainted this thread with the stench of sin.

rolledupboob 04-30-2014 01:54 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Witch Hammer (Post 1072381)
Music to a father's ears, I tell you!

My 5 year old daughter asked me this today. I had somehow forgotten to give her a preemptive beating at 6:30 am, as is customary in our household. But she, the little dear, took it upon herself to remind me!

Potential sin, especially among females, is best nipped in the bud before it can blossom into full fledged wickedness. Correct the children betimes, the Good Book™ tells us.

So, my marginally thoughtful daughter, rather than try to flee from responsibility like most females, stepped up like a little trooper and took one in the teeth for Christ. God bless her heart!

All of you will rot to hell, after your children kill you of course.
Since it seems to me that i will banned soon for expressing my views, might as well tell you what i think .
Zechariah and witch hammer (sounds like a porn star) why don't you both take turns in whipping each other till you bleed and then proceed to piffle each other in the poopy holes. P.S Don't let your kids watch.
Pastor zeke and cranky old man can do the same on their own, after which they can join you both. Orgy baby !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :thumbsup:

Nobar King 04-30-2014 02:15 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
You need to beat this girl again until she learns how to ask correctly, "may I PLEASE have a knuckle sandwich?"

Titus Templeton 04-30-2014 08:10 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Glad to see everything works out for You and your family, Brother Witch Hammer.

Witch Hammer 04-30-2014 08:14 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by rolledup (Post 1085315)
All of you will rot to hell, after your children kill you of course.
Since it seems to me that i will banned soon for expressing my views, might as well tell you what i think .
Zechariah and witch hammer (sounds like a porn star) why don't you both take turns in whipping each other till you bleed and then proceed to piffle each other in the poopy holes. P.S Don't let your kids watch.
Pastor zeke and cranky old man can do the same on their own, after which they can join you both. Orgy baby !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :thumbsup:

Go take a cold shower, pervert...then shoot yourself in the face.:bye:

Witch Hammer 04-30-2014 08:32 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Nobar King (Post 1085320)
You need to beat this girl again until she learns how to ask correctly, "may I PLEASE have a knuckle sandwich?"

Come to think of it, Brother, she also pronounced "sandwich" as "sammitch"...She won't get away with this outrage!:angry:

Sometimes The Lord's vengeance is a dish best served cold...

I think a series of kidney punches followed by a roundhouse kick to the face should satisfy Jesus!:innocent:

AboBibleMocker 06-10-2014 04:48 AM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
She is only five. I'm sorry but she deserves a hug. Have you heard of a hug before?!?!?!?! :lol:

AshtonK 06-18-2014 08:47 PM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
If only my daughter were so persistent in her ways as yours.:thumbsup:

My family only does this weekly as there are so many of us that it is tiring on myself. (I question whether I should do it more often or less, if anyone has insight, i'd appreciate it) My daughter is the only one who resists and in the end she only makes it worse on herself.

Do you have any tips on helping her understand the necessity of this and in obedience?

Alvin Moss 06-19-2014 12:53 AM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
There is no substitute for a good beating, well laid on.

Luke J 11-01-2014 12:23 AM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
THIS IS CHILD ABUSE AND SHOULD BE REPORTED TO THE POLICE IMMEDIATLY.
HOW DO YOU PEOPLE ACCEPT THIS AS MORAL AND RIGHT?
SHE IS A PERSON WITH RIGHTS
HOW WOULD YOU LIKE A PUNCH BY SOMEONE BIGGER THAN YOU?
IN THE FACE?
thats what i thought.

Jim Farmer 11-01-2014 12:42 AM

Re: Daddy, Can I Have a Knuckle Sandwich?
 
How can it be child abuse? It's merely following God's instructions.

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: But he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; But the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.

Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: For if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.


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