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-   -   Babe in Christ Seeks Babe (http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=99147)

Morton Weinstein 05-11-2014 06:54 PM

Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
What more could you want, I ask?

No longer Jewish, but transformed through Christ's sacrifice, this adorable, cuddly, clean, drug and disease free lover of JESUS seeks a suitable companion to provide love, children (Sons ONLY, please), a clean home, hot meals, sewing, mending, delectable desserts and complete submission to God's will (and therefore MY will).

19, 5'11", 240#, winning smile. Masculinity exudes from every pore and oh, the knowledge! Such knowledge you will not find in any other man so young and eligible.

Ask your father to contact me! While I will respond to him promptly, your patience in awaiting my decision IS important, so sit down and be quiet, woman. No trolls, tramps, trannies or ex-lesbians, sorry. Must be able to put up with a mother in law that will hate you for not being Jewish and a father in law that will soon cut me off from my inheritance. But what the hey - we live once, and then eternally with Christ.

FATHERS: Feel free to send me photos of your princess for consideration. One look at my photo will tell you this offer won't last!

Mother Of Seven 05-11-2014 09:09 PM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
We used to have one who would be just right for you. She was 24 and getting desperate. But we haven't seen her around for a while. Oh yeah - just remembered - she was a bit of a feminazi. Would that bother you?

BaptistBethany 05-11-2014 09:32 PM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
Dear Morton, Yes, you certainly are a catch! I'll put the word out here in Richmond, Virginia with our Baptist friends. And, just a little FYI, I am a former Jew too. So if I can find a nice "Jew for Jesus Princess", that would be great, wouldn't it?!?!


Of course, I must ask (because I can't seem to get this part of the joo out of me), can I see the ring you are offering? Because we all know, that does make a difference sometimes.


Oh no! My husband caught me writing this! I guess I'll be getting a spanking tonight to "beat the joo out of me" again! And on Mother's Day too!

WWJDnow 05-18-2014 05:24 AM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
My goodness. At first I thought this was thread was started by one of those "Christian" lesbians!

Mary Thompson 05-18-2014 08:29 AM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven (Post 1087866)
We used to have one who would be just right for you. She was 24 and getting desperate. But we haven't seen her around for a while. Oh yeah - just remembered - she was a bit of a feminazi. Would that bother you?

The "femi" in feminazi is about the only thing that makes "her" seem remotely like a woman. Her pies have poisoned many. She's been a bit feral lately, I see her lurking around church, planning to kidnap the children that come out after Sunday service. I call the Freehold Police but she's always gone by then. She's a barren maid and rather old, so if you're really desperate, take her but be warned!
On another note, being an ex-joo :joo: might limit your chances with the pure, young True Christian ™ girls who are searching for husbands. So if you want a bit of a challenge, by all means, we'll catch her and see if you two can get married. :wub:

Walter Van Slyke 06-03-2014 10:45 PM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
With apologies to Morton for bogarting his thread (may you find the good Christian woman we all know God wants you to have soon!), I hope I may be permitted to point out that I'm in the same boat and ask for any advice you good folks can give.

I have acquired a rather large sum of money and need to find a woman who will bear me heirs without stealing and squandering my fortune on - well - woman stuff.

I know that I have two strikes against me because I live in Boston, where modest Christian women are as hard to find as a two dollar lobster.

Thanks to all.

Wally

knob polisher 06-22-2014 04:29 AM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
I'm single and looking for a good True Christian™ Woman to marry. Where they at????:wub: :wub::wub:

Kewlcat 06-22-2014 04:38 AM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bishop (Post 1095854)
I'm single and looking for a good True Christian™ Woman to marry. Where they at????:wub: :wub::wub:



How old are you? Where do you live?
I'm a 23 year old woman, looking for a good Christian man to marry. If you want a true Christian. Though, it would be best to find someone else, as an ex-atheist I am far from a true Christian. If you get desperate, or want wait a few years until I have hopefully become a true Christian, let me know and I would love to get to know you

Virginia D. Templeton 06-24-2014 08:57 PM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by WWJDnow (Post 1089501)
My goodness. At first I thought this was thread was started by one of those "Christian" lesbians!

So did I. I came right over to chew her out—rebuke her for polluting our forums with sin. Alas, it was not to be.

Walter Van Slyke 06-25-2014 03:10 PM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Kewlcat (Post 1095858)
I'm a 23 year old woman, looking for a good Christian man to marry.

I am a good Christian man (growing closer to Christ every day!), looking for someone to marry me and bear my sons. I have ample assets to provide my wife with all the cooking and cleaning and child-rearing resources she will ever need. Although you are a bit older than I was hoping for, I might have to adjust my standards a bit as my search has thus far been less than successful. Has the Lord finally answered my prayers?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kewlcat (Post 1095858)
If you want a true Christian. Though, it would be best to find someone else, as an ex-atheist I am far from a true Christian.

No worries!
Quote:

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God;
If you can bear to hear it, I can recount for you horrific stories of my life before I met the Lord. And besides,
Quote:

I Corinthians 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
...so, even if God is not happy with your faith, marry me and you're good!

I need to see a picture, though. I do not think you are a non-Caucasian but one can't be too careful.
Humbly,
Wally

Kewlcat 06-25-2014 03:21 PM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
Hello,

I would of love to provide you with a picture, but I would rather not do so on such a public forum. I have had troubles in the past with abiding by 1 Timothy 2:9 and would rather not send a picture of myself where large numbers of people could see it, for fear that I would relapse once again and try to make myself look better than I should worry about. If you are interested, you can email me at

[PORNOGRAPHIC MATERIAL REMOVED FOR DECENCY]

Yours in Christ

Kat

juliet 07-03-2014 05:56 PM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
It would be so nice if this True Christian gentleman would find his help meet right now.


At the age of 23 she can still give birth to at least 12 soldiers for Christ! I married at 21 and now i am mother of 9 and half!

bestman 07-07-2014 02:06 PM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by juliet (Post 1098432)
It would be so nice if this True Christian gentleman would find his help meet right now.


At the age of 23 she can still give birth to at least 12 soldiers for Christ! I married at 21 and now i am mother of 9 and half!

yes but do not forget your place women ,otherwise you get host ;)
I am also looking for a good woman i am 26




It is so nice to read about how people found their faith in Jesus

Pastor Ezekiel 07-08-2014 04:26 AM

Re: Babe in Christ Seeks Babe
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by bestman (Post 1099159)
yes but do not forget your place women ,otherwise you get host ;)
I am also looking for a good woman i am 26




It is so nice to read about how people found their faith in Jesus

Please make a thread of your own in the "Introductions" section of the forum, so that we can properly greet you. Tell us about yourself, your church, and how you came to find Jesus.

And if you're here to flame us, better take a look at THIS before making an even bigger ass out of yourself. :rtfm:

I will pray that the Holy Spirit enter you and chase the demons out of your rectum and let Jesus fill you with His Grace. If you use your God-given free will to reject Christ and His temporary death on the cross for my sins, then you are sending yourself to hellfire. :sinner:


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