Hey kids! Have you ever had to sit in your fifth grade class and listen to your atheist schoolmates drone on and on about how much they hate God and love making him angry by fornicating all the time? Did you then think to yourself "I hate how so many people in the world would rather spit on Baby Jesus than accept His gift of Salvation, but I don't know what I can do to stop it."? Well, I am pleased to announce the formation of a super-cool True Christian™ club that's dedicated to stopping all forms of sexual Godmockery and keeping kids pure until they enter a marriage that can only be left through the most byzantine of circumstances! I'm talking about the Junior Anti-Sex League!
So what is
the Junior Anti-Sex League? Why, we're a group of only the coolest
youths who are interested in stopping all fornication by attacking it at it's source; by banning birth control and any sexual education that isn't abstinence-only! Here's our mission statement:
"Our mission: To work towards a world where Biblical precepts regarding fornication are rigidly enforced, where marital sex is to be looked on as a disgusting minor operation, and where our children are protected from the corrupting message of any educational approach that doesn't view total abstinence before marriage as the ONLY correct answer!"
Shout Glory! Doesn't that just sound awesome
? I might even go so far as to say it's totally radical
Now, in addition to being a member of a group that's comprised of the coolest kids on the block
who like to pay special attention to the parts of the Bible mentioning the wickedness of fornicators (Proverbs 2, 5, 7 and 9 come to mind immediately!), every full member of the Junior Anti-Sex League will receive a red sash to wear around their waist so they can show the world not only how seriously cool they are, but how serious they are about saving it for marriage!
So what are you waiting for, kids? Join the Junior Anti-Sex League today