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Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
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Default Re: Autism - the New Gay - 04-15-2014, 10:48 PM

I have put together a help sheet, just in case you meet the parents of an autistic. Bear in mind that they will be terminally embarrassed, so you need to be careful.

1. Ask: “Is your child an artistic or musical genius? What special gifts does your child have?”
We’ve all seen the documentary “Rain Man” and know about the extraordinary artistic and musical gifts that some individuals on the "autism spectrum" (There's a couple of $20 words) possess. The kid’s bound to be able to do some tricks of some sort.

2. Ask: “You’d never know by looking at her that she has autism! She looks so normal.”
But don’t add anything like “… around the eyes.” Or “Well... her feet do.” These additions can be hurtful.

Don’t say: “Your daughter is adorable”
Any parent of an autistic will know that’s a lie.

3. Say: “God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle” or “Everything happens for the best.”
This sort of thing really helps. It is more than likely that the parent has never heard this before and will welcome your insight and go away smiling.

Do say: “Is there anything I can do to help you out?” or “I’m here if you need to talk.”
You should be quite insistent on this offer. Phone the owner of the autistic at regular intervals: you can also ask about any update – e.g. “Is it showing any signs of being normal?”

4. Ask: “I know exactly what you’re going through. My cousin has a friend whose neighbor’s sister has a child with autism.”
It’s human nature to try to show empathy for the family affected by autism, and God gave us an imagination to use, didn’t He?

5. Ask:Do you have other children and are they autistic, too?”
I think this is a helpful approach. It subtly reminds the parent that their child is punishment from God for something their own parents did and if they've got one normal one, they’ll realize it could be worse.

6. Ask: “Why don’t you just try…that new special diet I saw on TV? Or the latest and greatest treatment that was featured in the newspaper?
The parents will be desperate for any straw at which to grasp – you might also bring up the subject of Landover (although we would prefer not to have the “children” present, they can be very disruptive.)

7. Ask: “Don’t you think you’ve put him through enough treatment? Just let him grow out of it.” Or “Just accept him the way he is. Why use treatment to try to change him?”
This is a good way of introducing “Healing By Prayer.” Pastor Zeke has hundreds of letters testifying to his success through Jesus.

8. Ask: “It’s such a burden to have to drive my kids to soccer practice and ballet classes every day!”or “My kids are talking so much they’re driving me crazy!”
This gives the parents some perspective, something they probably lack as they have no idea what it is like to have a normal kid.

9. Ask: “You should really make time for yourself. You need to relax. Maybe take in a prayer meeting?”
Parents of these creatures need to take a break. Their kid’ll probably be completely unaware that they have gone for a few hours. If there is any chance it’d get hysterical, it could always be locked in a garage or somewhere safe. Parents need that break and speak to real people.

10. Ask: “How’s the marriage going? I hear the divorce rate is 80 percent among parents of kids with autism.”
These sort of statistics are really reliable: you can see how it works… five days without sleep and then the kid shits on the floor. It’s not going to be easy. Mind you, with such a high rate of divorce, it’s probably better just to ask, “When’s the divorce?” It’ll give the parent something “normal” to talk about.

11. Ask: “What caused your child’s autism?”
The parents will often come up with some garbage about vaccines, allergies, chemicals, illnesses, etc. You can let them go on for a while before saying, “Did you ever think that you upset Jesus? Can you think of the time you might have said or done something?”Then continue with examples from others with whom you have spoken or have read about.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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