Maybe some of you have seen the news...
God has sent the most powerful typhoon ever to finish off the Philippines, after giving them a warning last month with a devastating earthquake.
There are many good reasons why the Filipinos deserve this. First of all, they're Catholics. Secondly, some years ago they kicked out the US military and closed the bases - God will not forgive them for that! Third, my company set up a large sweatshop operation in that country, but those slant-eyed beaners went on strike to protest the 18-hour workdays and exposure to totally harmless chemicals like dioxin and arsenic. To add insult to injury, their commie guvmint refused to machine-gun the protesters when we requested it.
Well, that strike was the last straw, so we relocated our manufacturing operations to prisons in China, Vietnam and Cambodia. However, because Uranus Corporation is a patriotic caring-sharing company, we are starting to bring back jobs to America...as was widely reported in the media, our awesome privatized prisons
added 204,000 jobs just last month!
Needless to say, we're already hearing pleas from bleeding heart liberals who want to spend your hard-earned tax dollars on providing relief to those lazy welfare-cheating Filipino beaners. As if it wasn't bad enough that they already get food stamps and free Obamacare, now these freeloaders want us to give them new tents just because their tin shacks got blown away by a storm!
Filipino climbing border fence to get free Obamacare
Well, boo-hoo! I say that if they want to move out their cardboard boxes and upgrade to a tent, they ought to stop whining and get a job. Nobody ever gave me a hand-out, I earned my fortune the good old-fashioned way...through insider trading and lobbying Congress for subsidies and no-bid contracts. If I can do it, why can't everyone else?
If The Lord sent a storm to the Philippines to drown all those lazy salsa-sniffing Catylick drug dealers, then who are we to interfere with His will? That's a question those liberals just don't want to answer!
Hey Gringo, send us more food stamps!