Quote:
Originally Posted by Levi Jones
This darn Obama depression is affecting our family horribly. Since we moved to Freehold, we haven't been able to sell our beautiful six bedroom house on a 1/10th acre plot in Arizona. The bank is about to foreclose on it. I have already asked the church, but they are feeling the pinch too. Pastor Zeke's Christmas gift is only going to be in the 20 thousand dollar range this year.
It's fortunate that my daughter just turned 13. She needs to be betrothed anyway.
How much do you guys think I could get for her?
She, is of course a virgin. The tokens of virginity will be there on your wedding night or you can stone her as per Deuteronomy 22:20.
She is a decent cook, but lazy about cleaning. It's my wife's fault for that. I'm sure if you have a strong steady hand for keeping her in line, she can be encouraged to get better.
Any serious bids from True Christians™ will be considered.
God Bless,
Levi
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Bless you in Christ Pastor!
I will open the bidding at $1000. This may seem low, but she is only 13 and needs so much instruction. Of course, I am a happily married man and only offer my bid to help you keep your primary asset; your home. Female children are of little importance in God's plan as they are as common as kittens at a shelter.
She will be well cared for in the Porter home. Nutrition, Bible learning, aerobic workouts and swimming in our above ground pool.
What is her name? I'm thinking of calling her Emily. Is she well developed and with motor skills and stamina? Able to maintain vigorous routines in fluid repetition? Swimming requires skill.
I am prepared to bid higher if need be.
In Him!