Thread: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE!
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Alan Swallows Waiting for Email Confirmation Alan Swallows is offline
Preserving Freehold's dead for Christ's return

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Default Re: ASK SANTA! MAKE YOUR WISHES COME TRUE! - 12-23-2016, 01:04 PM
Have you given any thought to what you would like for Christmas, Mr Claus? I can see from your photo in the OP that your a man of advanced years and considerable girth. Have you given any thought as to how Mrs Claus would manage if something were ever to happen to you?

It just so turns out that at the moment I've got some great deals on prearranged funeral packages, given that business has been pretty slow since I moved to Freehold -- the life expectancy around here is, as you would expect, pretty high (Eph 6:2-3). I don't normally cater to the unsaved, but I would be willing to make an exception in your case.

You will no doubt be needing a rather substantial casket. Perhaps something in the Goliath range?



And what about a viewing? A chance for Mrs Claus and all the children you give toys to a chance to say their final goodbyes.

Give it some thought (not too much, though -- the big day isn't far away) and let me know. We can discuss prices later, but they are quite reasonable, ballpark $15,000-$30,000*, depending on certain factors.





* Strait Gate Funeral Parlor reserves the right to change pricing at any time and without notice.