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Default Re: Letters from the War on Christmas - 12-18-2010, 10:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wash O'Hanley View Post
Dearest Edith,

I write to you not as the once innocent man you kissed goodbye some three weeks ago, but as a hardened soldier in The War on Christmas. I've seen things too disgusting to describe to you and lost many friends along the way.

Yesterday my men and I were ambushed by a squad of atheist yuppies in what became The Battle of the Orlando City Hall Manger Display. As we stood in vigilant guard in front of that wooden statue of blessed Jesus we could hear in the distance the sound of a Dave Matthew's Band CD growing ever-louder. Soon the front of the City Hall was completely illuminated by the headlights of at least half a dozen Honda Priuses. We readied ourselves as the cigarette-legged, skinny-jean wearing, ironic lumberjack beard-wearing, 30-something-year-olds rushed as us with the intent of tearing down the scene of our Lord's birth.

We stood our ground and in Jesus' holy name bashed in every last one of their heads causing them to retreat and regroup at the local farmer's market to mend their wounds with organic fair-trade rubbing alcohol.

I'm proud to report that due to our efforts residents in the greater Orlando area will not have to drive by their City Hall without being reminded that Jesus is the reason for the season (in case they forgot).

We've lost a lot of good men in this fight, but on days like these I know that it's all worth it.

Send my warmest regards to mother and the children. Know that my heart aches for you on these long, cold nights.

Lovingly yours,
Washburn 'Big Tex' Rutherford O'Hanley III
Thank you Brother Wash. Your post brings back such warm memories of Orlando. It was such a wonderful spirit-filled Christian town of 35,000 people when I first arrived there at the beginning of the 1970s. It was a joy watching those fine Christian men in white sheets and hoods nailing up posters of uppity nigras and recommending a good tar and feathering or introduction to the working end of a shotgun before that satanic, evil, vile Walt Disney World ruined the fine city. Now look what you have. A frenetic cesspool of more than 3 million heathens devoted to the lord of the underworld, the prince of sulfur and brimstone.

I'll pray for you and your group as you fight to keep the Christmas scene on government property where it properly belongs. If there is anything I can do to help [I still have lots of Christian friends there though I've moved 1200 miles away.] please let me know. Unfortunately my assistance cannot be monetary as I have already paid my 10% tithe of $1.50 for this month. (We bible students don't make much money, you know.)


YiJC, BS

II Peter 1:4 -- Whereby are giuen vnto vs exceeding great and precious promises, that by these you might bee partakers of thy diuine nature, hauing escaped the corruption that is in the world through lust.