Ahem. Look guys, I know that a lot of you are upset about some recent bloopers, like the
Chinese drywall which contains toxic waste and kills people who built their homes with it. But look, most of that stuff was imported around the time of Hurricane Katrina and was used for rebuilding negro slums, so you know that those colored folks were the main recipients. Even if they don't die from sulfur and strontium poisoning, they'll probably drown in the next hurricane since New Orleans will surely wash away soon due to non-existent global warming. So lets not make too big a deal out of this, OK?
Alright, there was that little incident with
melamine-tainted food products, but hey, it was only pets that actually died from it, plus a few Chink kids - good healthy American adults like yourselves weren't affected at all.
Now the whining liberals are kicking up a fuss about the
Zhu Zhu Pets because they contain unsafe amounts of antimony. Look, these are furry toys, not food - tell your kids not to stick these things into their mouth, and to wear rubber gloves when playing with them. Plus putting on a surgical mask wouldn't be a bad idea either. It will be fine.
Sheesh, if these "consumer advocates" had their way, you'd be paying 10 times as much for shoddy products made at a Marxist unionized factory in San Francisco owned by Nancy Pelosi. The "workers," all of them gay, would be so stoned all day on "medical marijuana" that the only way they could produce anything would be for the union to subcontract the job to illegal Mexican day laborers. Yeah, if you want to pay $1000 for a laptop computer that we make for $40 in China, go ahead.
On the other hand, I am aware that all those "Made in China" labels are starting to annoy people. If you really want to buy something labeled "Made in USA," check out our
products from Saipan. We're actually planning on moving more production there anyway to get the FDA and EPA off our backs.
Praise Jesus, and Goldman Sachs,
Brother Fred