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Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance
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Default The Landover Santa v. Jesus Challenge! - 12-05-2018, 06:10 PM

The Landover Santa v. Jesus Challenge!

Several of the Pastors who are my age remember the great and lasting pleasure that this simple challenge brought in their childhood years and so it has been agreed that it will be re-introduced

All literate children up to the age of 10 years old may enter. The rules are simple.

  1. The child must, in secret, create a list of things they want from Santa, and a separate secret list of things they want from Jesus.
  2. The child must then go somewhere where they can be alone and read out the list.
  3. A copy of the list and the $50 entrance fee* should then be placed with the duty Pastor.
  4. The Santa list should start with “Dear Santa” and end politely “Thank you <insert name of child>.”
  5. The Jesus list should start with “Dear Jesus” and end politely “Hear my prayer <insert name of child>.”
  6. Both lists should contain items available in the mall or online that also comply with
Matthew 6:19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:
21For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
7. On Christmas Day, the child should compare his copy of both lists with what he has actually received, and then send the results to the duty Pastor.
For example, the lack of an iPhone 9 from the Santa list will show that Santa is not real, whereas the lack of an iPhone 9 from Jesus will merely mean that parental Christian instruction has been woefully inadequate.

A lack of “Humility” from the Santa list will show that Santa is not real, whereas a lack of “Humility” from Jesus will demonstrate (i) that Jesus has said “Yes” but is waiting until the child can fully comprehend its meaning, or (ii) that humility has been granted but “in secret” or (iii) that parental Christian instruction has been woefully inadequate.
8. The results of the Landover Santa v. Jesus Challenge (and your child’s position within that challenge) will be announced on Dec. 31st at all main Services.
The New Year will begin with an opportunity for failing parents who wish to remain members of the congregation to join the “Christian Parenting Classes”. The fees are “to be announced” but will be broadly in line with the actual costs.


*To go to good causes as defined in but not restricted to paragraphs 2278 – 4490 of the Church’s Constitution (as amended) where applicable and where State or National Law allows.





“We must reassert that the essence of Christianity is the love of obedience to God’s Laws and that how that complete obedience is used or implemented does not concern us.”

Author of such illuminating essays as,
Map of the Known World; Periodic Table of Elements; The History of Linguistics; The Errors of Wicca; Dolphins and Evolution; The History of Landover (The Apology); Landover and the Civil War; 2000 Racial Slurs.
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