[WilliamJenningsBryan]

I distinctly remember as a young child in grade school there being a category called "comportment" on my report card that was regularly delivered to my parents. Being curious, I asked what the word "comportment" meant and was told "plays well with others".

If there's one distinctive feature of the mooselimbs it is having low scores in the category of comportment - and unlike other groups where these low scores have provided incentives for improvement, the mooselimbs have declined and have continued to menace everyone else for over 1,400 years.

I too rejoice every time I hear of the Sunni and Shia mooselimbs warring with one another, and have heretofore applauded our government for at one time or another providing arms to each side to encourage it. I've been having second thoughts about this strategy recently as it seems that their burka-clad women are producing more soldiers for allah than the supply of arms can keep up with.

I'm fortunate to live in a community of True Christians™ here in Freehold that keep Holy the Sabbath - and that means not being bothered by a neighbor that wants to run his lawn mower, weed whacker, and leaf blower on a Sunday morning. If by chance I do encounter such an individual they are politely asked to leave, and due to the efficient administration of our very own Mayor Hold they can ultimately be removed without my having to go about stoning them to death myself.