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Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

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Old 07-13-2008, 05:00 AM
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Default Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Brothers, I happened across THIS story about a Godless Mormon getting into hot water with the pope of the mormons (or whatever they have), when I was struck with the Holy Spirit and had an idea. I thought I might run it by you God fearing Manly Men and see who salutes it.

Quote:
Shirtless Mormons have Vegas man in hot water

SALT LAKE CITY - A Las Vegas man who devised a calendar that features shirtless Mormon missionaries is facing a disciplinary hearing and possible excommunication because of the project.

A lifetime member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, Chad Hardy was summoned by letter to a Sunday meeting with a council of elders to discuss his "conduct unbecoming a member of the church."

A copy of the letter from Frank E. Davie, the senior leader over a group of Mormon congregations in the Las Vegas area, was provided to The Associated Press. It was sent early this week, days before the 2009 version of the "Men on a Mission" calendar went to press, Hardy said in a telephone interview.

A takeoff on calendars of firefighters and returned U.S. servicemen, Hardy's project debuted with a 2008 calendar featuring 12 returned church missionaries in mostly modest poses, minus their trademark white shirts, ties and black plastic name badges. It has sold nearly 10,000 copies.

"You see more in a JCPenney catalog," said Hardy, 31, who once worked for Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller and now has his own entertainment company. "I just feel like my right to free speech is being violated."

The calendar was designed to shake up Mormon stereotypes, Hardy said. The pages include photos of the men dressed in standard missionary garb. In biographical sketches each missionary talks about his beliefs.

A returned missionary himself, Hardy acknowledged he has not been an active member of the church since 2002. He said he's never been contacted by anyone from the church encouraging his return to the fold and he suspects the current inquiry was driven by the church's Salt Lake City headquarters.

"I'm still a good Mormon boy in many ways," said Hardy, who says he bears no animosity toward Latter-day Saints, but never felt he fit in. "I still want to hold onto my heritage."

Some of the missionaries in the calendar, many of whom were recruited by Hardy's friends at church events, have been asked by their church leaders about the project, but none has faced disciplinary action, Hardy said.

Church spokeswoman Kim Farah declined to comment on Hardy's specific situation, but said that "any church discipline is the result of actions not beliefs." Decisions are made at the local level and are based on individual circumstances and merits, she said.

"Because the fundamental purpose of church discipline has always been to help members, rather than simply punish, disciplinary councils are considered a necessary step in repentance on the way back to full harmony and fellowship in the church," she said.

Members have been excommunicated for reasons including criminal activity and scholarly works of history or theology that contradicted church claims.

An excommunicated person would be removed from official church rolls, although he or she would still be welcome at church services. Excommunicated members are prohibited from receiving the sacrament and can't perform church callings such as teaching or preaching during meetings. They also cannot enter church temples.

The 2009 calendar - which drew 100 inquiries from interested missionaries - will be released in September.
Now Brothers, hear me out...This could be a real money maker. You all know that I need a new jacuzzi in the west wing of my estate the main cathedral needs a new roof. A calendar like this could be just the ticket! And it would be VERY tasteful, of course! I've even got a few candid shots laying around that I might be persuaded to offer for publication...

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Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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Old 07-13-2008, 06:54 AM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

If we can raise some money for our overseas mission, I'm game, although I'm sure brother Santiago might be more appropriate for the assignment.
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Old 07-13-2008, 07:04 AM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Now that's what I'm talkin about Pastor Ezekial!

Fabulous pic of you! It would surely inspire wetter than spring True Christian ladies to beg their middle-aged hubbies to create another teensy True Christian to add to the fold. Good stuff!

As you can see by my Avatar photo, I am also a strikingly handsome man. Sadly, though, my years as a Catlick have resulted in God leaving His mark of rebuke on me. In the form of not only a third, but a fourth nipple.

So I cannot volunteer for the calendar unless you have some good photoshop software.

Also God, knowing before my birth that I would spend years as a heretic, pre-punished me by having me born with nether equipment that would make a chink laugh. So there would be no manly bulge in my speedos to inspire the ladies to add to God's roster of True Christians.

I apologize for my inadequacies but am comforted by the knowledge that there are many True Christian manly men at Landover who could easily fill a dozen calendars.
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Old 07-13-2008, 12:18 PM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

I suppose that I could be persuaded to participate, since it is for the glory of God and the benefit of His favorite church. I have taken care of my body out of gratitude to the Creator Who gave it to me. In fact, my daughter's betrothed says that I have a very good body for a man of my age.
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Old 07-13-2008, 03:13 PM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

I have a photo of my privately chastising a witch, I see it as Mr October.
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Old 07-13-2008, 05:33 PM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Here's a photo of me at the beach when I was a bit younger. Perfect for the month of July.



By God, I was a handsome devil. I could scarcely walk ten feet without having a woman throw her bloomers in my face. I also received many a racy photo. Ladies worshiped the Hatchman©.
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Old 07-13-2008, 07:33 PM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

You have a disturbingly long neck, Pastor....
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Old 07-13-2008, 09:20 PM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Quote:
I need a new jacuzzi in the west wing of my estate

Someone seems to have forgotten how to use the ‘delete’ key.

I think that’s very telling.
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Old 07-13-2008, 10:11 PM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Hatchet View Post
Here's a photo of me at the beach when I was a bit younger. Perfect for the month of July.



By God, I was a handsome devil. I could scarcely walk ten feet without having a woman throw her bloomers in my face. I also received many a racy photo. Ladies worshiped the Hatchman©.
Please, Brother, do you really want to throw Lumpy into fits of jealousy?

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Originally Posted by Jacques Mihoff View Post
Someone seems to have forgotten how to use the ‘delete’ key.

I think that’s very telling.
There's a certain book — not that you're ever going to get around to reading it — that addresses the issue of whether you should covet what belongs to one of our Godly senior pastors.
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Old 07-13-2008, 10:30 PM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

To be politically correct, I submit this cop for consideration.
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Last edited by Roberta; 08-25-2008 at 11:26 AM.
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Old 07-23-2008, 04:10 PM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

I think this could be a good idea.

We know ladies have minds that are weaker than ours, and thus more prone to lurid thoughts. We might as well give them something wholesome to look at, and associate them to Godly sex, instead of secular filth.

I have some youth group photos taken up at the lake I might be able to contribute.

Praise!
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Old 10-06-2008, 02:58 PM
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Brothers, I happened across THIS story about a Godless Mormon getting into hot water with the pope of the mormons (or whatever they have), when I was struck with the Holy Spirit and had an idea. I thought I might run it by you God fearing Manly Men and see who salutes it.



Now Brothers, hear me out...This could be a real money maker. You all know that I need a new jacuzzi in the west wing of my estate the main cathedral needs a new roof. A calendar like this could be just the ticket! And it would be VERY tasteful, of course! I've even got a few candid shots laying around that I might be persuaded to offer for publication...

Thank you Ezekial, for confirming what I already knew....HOMO!!!!!!! What a gay suggestion, I bet you cannot wait to see your fellow pastors in their skivvies!
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Old 10-06-2008, 06:30 PM
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Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

If it helps raise money for a Worthy cause, then here is a picture of me that Doreen took at the beach this summer.

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Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
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  #14  
Old 10-06-2008, 06:53 PM
Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
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Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Huh, mine, as Mr October privately chastizing a witch, has gone - here it is again:
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Amen Bathfire E
We are the pure and chosen few,
And all the rest are damned.
There’s room enough in hell for you—
We don’t want heaven crammed.

Last edited by Ezekiel Bathfire; 03-26-2010 at 05:21 PM.
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  #15  
Old 10-06-2008, 06:58 PM
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Osambo 08 Osambo 08 is offline
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Osambo 08 has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Osambo 08 has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Osambo 08 has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.Osambo 08 has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.
Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ezekiel Bathfire View Post
Huh, mine, as Mr October privately chastizing a witch, has gone - here it is again:
Are you raping her?Why is she having an orgasm?
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  #16  
Old 10-09-2008, 05:17 PM
Ezekiel Bathfire's Avatar
Ezekiel Bathfire Ezekiel Bathfire is offline
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Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Ezekiel Bathfire will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Osambo 08 View Post
Are you raping her? Why is she having an orgasm?
You have the most strange ideas of rape and organisms. Are you sure you're a nigra?
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Amen Bathfire E
We are the pure and chosen few,
And all the rest are damned.
There’s room enough in hell for you—
We don’t want heaven crammed.
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  #17  
Old 01-09-2014, 11:40 AM
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Pim Pendergast Pim Pendergast is offline
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

I think a calendar is a great idea. Here's me at the beach last weekend. Perhaps we could caption each picture with a Bible verse?

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Gen 6:6-7 And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. And the Lord said, I will destroy man whom I have created from the face of the earth; both man, and beast, and the creeping thing, and the fowls of the air; for it repenteth me that I have made them.
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  #18  
Old 10-06-2008, 07:00 PM
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SUV SUV is offline
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?



My GOD, Brother Bath, you so remind me of Vincent Price in....Witchfinder General!
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  #19  
Old 10-06-2008, 10:26 PM
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Jimmy-Roy Stewart Jimmy-Roy Stewart is offline
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Im' in pretty good shape from what i do for a living ill' bet id' be good in that calendar ill' do it if you say since its' important to submit to the pastors' and follow what they say.
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  #20  
Old 10-06-2008, 10:57 PM
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christain-goth christain-goth is offline
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Default Re: Should we produce a Manly LBC calendar?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

ewww just, ewww
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