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Pastor's Rules and Announcements Please read this. You are our guest. We will treat you like a jewel on the cushion of our hospitality. Or maybe not.

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  #1  
Old 11-24-2007, 06:24 AM
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Pastor Billy-Reuben Pastor Billy-Reuben is offline
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VP of Evangelical Outreach
On FIRE for Jesus
 

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Exclamation "Noobs" please read this before posting.

This is not a debate forum. The purpose of this site is to praise and glorify the Lord, Jesus Christ. It is a place for Christians to fellowship and worship. The goal of the Landover Baptist Church forum is to draw people to Jesus Christ because Scripture confirms that salvation comes only through Him.

Luke 6:22 tells us that because we preach the True doctrine of Jesus, men shall hate us and call us evil. So naturally, we expect that folks will get their feathers ruffled by some of the things they have to say, and they will come on here to argue with us. Perhaps we have said something that upset you. Maybe it was something I said. If so, then I am sorry that you are upset, but I do not apologize for what I have said. My words and thoughts come from the Holy Scriptures. I didn't write the Bible -- God did. So if my words upset you, then you don't have a problem with me -- you have a problem with God.

We tend to get two types of dissenters here. Some are calm and reasonable folks who are capable of rational discussion. I personally enjoy discussing religious topics with this sort of person. Others, however, are angry trolls who are just here to flame us. If you are here to flame us, please read this first.



Frequently Asked Questions:Thank you for reading this, and God bless you.
__________________
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Perry / Bachmann 2012 -- The Government We Deserve


Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 02-20-2014 at 02:27 PM. Reason: Added "What about all my other questions?"
  #2  
Old 11-24-2007, 06:26 AM
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Pastor Billy-Reuben Pastor Billy-Reuben is offline
Senior Pastor
VP of Evangelical Outreach
On FIRE for Jesus
 

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Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Do you think we twist scripture?

If you consider yourself to be a Christian, and you are here because you think we are in error, then this section is for you.

We believe that the Bible is the literal inerrant Word of God. We understand the Bible by following the principle of "least scripture twisting". We believe that the best way to understand a passage is to read it as a child would read it. If you are in doubt as to what a passage means, ask a child to read it and tell you what he thinks it means. This method of understanding the Bible leads to the least amount of Scripture twisting. We read the words for what they say, rather than what we want them to say.

We also believe that the King James Bible is the only accurate English translation of God's Word. It is the only English language Bible based on the Textus Receptus. All others are based on the Alexandrian Manuscripts and the Latin Vulgate. The King James Bible is public domain, which means anyone can publish it. All other English language Bibles are copyrighted by Harper-Collins. Harper-Collins also publishes How-To gay sex manuals and the Satanic Bible. Matthew 7:16 Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

Please read this link for more information: http://www.biblebelievers.com/jmelton/knowkjv.html.

Now, friend, if you have read all of this, and still believe that our doctrine is in error, we will be eternally grateful if you can demonstrate this to us, using in-context Scripture from the King James Bible, following the principle of "least scripture twisting".

You may be a liberal Christian, who believes that God's Word must be twisted and "interpreted" beyond recognition before it can be properly understood, and that we must rely on private interpretation. If you have an original argument as to why the book that appears to be an easy-to-follow instruction manual is actually a book of riddles that only a master Theologian can understand, we are all ears.
__________________
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Perry / Bachmann 2012 -- The Government We Deserve

  #3  
Old 11-24-2007, 06:31 AM
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Pastor Billy-Reuben Pastor Billy-Reuben is offline
Senior Pastor
VP of Evangelical Outreach
On FIRE for Jesus
 

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Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Do you think we are ignorant?

If you are an atheist, and you are here to debate the existence of God with us, or to correct our understanding of science, then this section is for you.

Let me give you the following protips:
  • First of all, I would like to encourage you to lurk a little more first. Read some old threads. See which arguments failed miserably before attempting them yourself. You might also find that we know far more about the nature of God than you give us credit for.
  • Remain calm and reasonable. As a proud atheist, you certainly don't want to make the "fundies" appear to be more reasonable than the atheists.
  • You are not going to convice us with appeals to science. We accept the Truth of the Bible over the findings of science. When the findings of science conflict with the teachings of Scripture, we will reject the findings of science every time.
  • If you must appeal to science, be sure you have your facts straight. We don't trust the findings of science, but that doesn't mean we don't understand them. We understand science better than you think we do. When you have your science facts all wrong, and we call you on it, that must be extremely embarrassing for your side.
  • Think for yourself. Don't just spout atheist propaganda that you have read on the internet. We have read it all already. We know all of the apologetics, counter-apologetics, counter-counter-apologetics, etc. If you don't have any original arguments for atheism, you have no business debating with seasoned fundamentalist Christians.
  • Don't just copy and paste from the Skeptics Annotated Bible. I'm not going to discourage you from reading it, because at least you are reading the Bible and thinking about God's Word, snide comments in the margins notwithstanding. However, if you are just copying and pasting from it, or any other source, you are not thinking for yourself, and you will be dumbfounded when we tell you why each and every one of Steve Wells' objections is nonsense. You can read it, but don't use it as a substitute for thinking for yourself.
__________________
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Perry / Bachmann 2012 -- The Government We Deserve

  #4  
Old 11-24-2007, 06:31 AM
Pastor Billy-Reuben's Avatar
Pastor Billy-Reuben Pastor Billy-Reuben is offline
Senior Pastor
VP of Evangelical Outreach
On FIRE for Jesus
 

One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year Saved 5 Years 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College Saved 10 Years 4th Year Bible College 2008 Witch Hunt Award Long service medal, 1st class Christian Love True Christian™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Tithing Manager True Christian Provider™ award Ribfest '02 Real American™ Senior Pastor Heaven Bound TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound Jailed for JESUS Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork True Republican Guns, Guts and GLORY! 

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Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Do you think we are intolerant?

If you are here because you think we are intolerant, and you are here to try to get us to change our "intolerant" ways, then this section is for you.

We have different definitions of tolerance and hate. You think that we hate someone when we show intolerance, and that to love someone means to tolerate his differences.

We believe that tolerance is the opposite of love. We believe that all nonbelievers are going to be tormented forever in Hell. To be tolerant would be to stand idly by and do nothing, while these folks approach certain doom. We believe that it is loving to rebuke and reproach these people, to save them from doom by any means necessary.
__________________
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Perry / Bachmann 2012 -- The Government We Deserve

  #5  
Old 11-24-2007, 06:35 AM
Pastor Billy-Reuben's Avatar
Pastor Billy-Reuben Pastor Billy-Reuben is offline
Senior Pastor
VP of Evangelical Outreach
On FIRE for Jesus
 

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Join Date: Sep 2006
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Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Are You Here for Interfaith Dialog?

If you are a Muslim, Catholic, Pagan, or other non-Christian, and you are here for some interfaith dialog, then this section is for you.

Welcome, friend. If you are here in a spirit of peace and wish to learn more about our religion, and want to teach us more about your religion, then you are welcome here. If you are here because you think we are intolerant of your religion, then please go back and read the previous section.

Keep in mind, however, that most of us are well educated. If your religion has been around for a while and has a large enough following, then it is likely that we have already studied your religion in depth.

Also keep in mind, that our religion tells us that salvation comes only through Jesus Christ, and that if you aren't a Christian, then you will be damned to the fiery pits of Hell for all eternity. We aren't gloating about this. We treat this fact with all of the solemnity that it deserves. We will not give up on you until we have saved you from this fate.
__________________
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Perry / Bachmann 2012 -- The Government We Deserve

  #6  
Old 11-26-2007, 12:36 AM
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Pastor Billy-Reuben Pastor Billy-Reuben is offline
Senior Pastor
VP of Evangelical Outreach
On FIRE for Jesus
 

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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Libertydale, NC
Posts: 5,981
Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Do you think we are unnecessarily harsh?

If you agree that folks need to be saved, but think we are going about the business of getting them saved in the wrong way -- if you think we should not be insulting the unsaved heathens who darken our forum and telling them that they are going to Hell -- then this section is for you.

What follows here is a transcript of an earlier conversation I had with a seeker, where I convinced him of the soundness of our methods.

Quote:
Ok, I can understand that. My only problem with that is that if you want them to be saved, I don't think that telling them that they're going to Hell is the way to go about it.
Friend, have you read any of Jesus's sermons? Do you think you know better than Him how to go about getting folks saved?

Matthew 10:28 And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.

That's Jesus talking there, friend.

Quote:
But NO ONE is going to listen to you if you attack them.
Again, Jesus would disagree with you. Please read Matthew 23, to see how Jesus went about winning souls.

1 Then spake Jesus to the multitude, and to his disciples,
2 Saying The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat:
3All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.
4 For they bind heavy burdens and grievous to be borne, and lay them on men's shoulders; but they themselves will not move them with one of their fingers.
5 But all their works they do for to be seen of men: they make broad their phylacteries, and enlarge the borders of their garments,
6 And love the uppermost rooms at feasts, and the chief seats in the synagogues,
7 And greetings in the markets, and to be called of men, Rabbi, Rabbi.
8 But be not ye called Rabbi: for one is your Master, even Christ; and all ye are brethren.
9A And call no man your father upon the earth: for one is your Father, which is in heaven.
10 Neither be ye called masters: for one is your Master, even Christ.
11 But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.
12 And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased; and he that shall humble himself shall be exalted.
13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.
14 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.
15 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.
16 Woe unto you, ye blind guides, which say, Whosoever shall swear by the temple, it is nothing; but whosoever shall swear by the gold of the temple, he is a debtor!
17 Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gold, or the temple that sanctifieth the gold?
18 And, Whosoever shall swear by the altar, it is nothing; but whosoever sweareth by the gift that is upon it, he is guilty.
19 Ye fools and blind: for whether is greater, the gift, or the altar that sanctifieth the gift?
20 Whoso therefore shall swear by the altar, sweareth by it, and by all things thereon.
21 And whoso shall swear by the temple, sweareth by it, and by him that dwelleth therein.
22 And he that shall swear by heaven, sweareth by the throne of God, and by him that sitteth thereon.
23 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.
24 Ye blind guides, which strain at a gnat, and swallow a camel.
25 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess.
26 Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also.
27 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men's bones, and of all uncleanness.
28 Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.
29 Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! because ye build the tombs of the prophets, and garnish the sepulchres of the righteous,
30 And say, If we had been in the days of our fathers, we would not have been partakers with them in the blood of the prophets.
31 Wherefore ye be witnesses unto yourselves, that ye are the children of them which killed the prophets.
32 Fill ye up then the measure of your fathers.
33 Ye serpents, ye generation of vipers, how can ye escape the damnation of hell?
34 Wherefore, behold, I send unto you prophets, and wise men, and scribes: and some of them ye shall kill and crucify; and some of them shall ye scourge in your synagogues, and persecute them from city to city:
35 That upon you may come all the righteous blood shed upon the earth, from the blood of righteous Abel unto the blood of Zacharias son of Barachias, whom ye slew between the temple and the altar.
36 Verily I say unto you, All these things shall come upon this generation.
37 O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, thou that killest the prophets, and stonest them which are sent unto thee, how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!
38 Behold, your house is left unto you desolate.
39 For I say unto you, Ye shall not see me henceforth, till ye shall say, Blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord.

PRAISE the sweet name of Jesus!

Pastor Billy-Reuben
__________________
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Perry / Bachmann 2012 -- The Government We Deserve

  #7  
Old 03-11-2009, 01:23 AM
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Pastor Billy-Reuben Pastor Billy-Reuben is offline
Senior Pastor
VP of Evangelical Outreach
On FIRE for Jesus
 

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Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Billy-Reuben will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Billy-Reuben View Post
If you are here because you think we are intolerant, and you are here to try to get us to change our "intolerant" ways, then this section is for you.

We have different definitions of tolerance and hate. You think that we hate someone when we show intolerance, and that to love someone means to tolerate his differences.

We believe that tolerance is the opposite of love. We believe that all nonbelievers are going to be tormented forever in Hell. To be tolerant would be to stand idly by and do nothing, while these folks approach certain doom. We believe that it is loving to rebuke and reproach these people, to save them from doom by any means necessary.
If you persist in the heretical notion that Christians should be tolerant, then we exhort you to check this thread.
__________________
Upon request I will cite scripture for all these facts in God's Holy Word.

✝ This is a Christian community and we worship GOD of the Holy bible, the only Living GOD. We worship Jesus Christ, Son of GOD and Savior. Anything else is absurd. ✝
Perry / Bachmann 2012 -- The Government We Deserve

  #8  
Old 05-31-2009, 02:52 PM
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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

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Default Re: "Noobs" please read this before posting.

If you're thinking about moving to Freehold Iowa, this section is for you:

Here is the City-Data Page for Freehold, Iowa

Note in particular:

Quote:
Percentage of foreign born residents: 0.8%
Hint, hint. (The 0.8% are staff only, and not members of Landover Baptist Church.)

Church is at most a few blocks away: It's the square building with the white squares on the roof, south across the steet from the southern end of 17th ct.

The metal-roofed section is the Gold and Platinum tither's garage/tin tithers seating.

The separate metal shack to the west is for women during their unclean time.

Are you in Des Moines?

NO! We are surrounded, besieged if you will, by the sin-filled urban area of Des Moines, but Freehold is a separate city with our own mayor and government/pastors.

Is the area bicycle-friendly?

No! The eco-terrorist groin-massagers known as bicycles are banned by local bylaw. Freehold Iowa is proud to be the city with the highest car-to-human ratio in the world. Look around for yourself.

What about those rumours about the FBI finding a mass grave for illegal immigrant laborers?

The discolored area of grass on the lawn south of the menstrating women's shack is due to an ancient Native American burial ground. Note the earthen pyramid to the south of the Church. Anyone caught desecrating the ancient Native American burial site by digging in it will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law! Also note that the FBI are sick of this rumor and anyone contacting the FBI about it will be charged with harrassing an Officer of the Peace.
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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 02-20-2014 at 02:18 PM.
  #9  
Old 04-12-2010, 05:40 PM
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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
Didn't write the Bible, just obeys it
 

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Join Date: Jun 2007
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Default Re: "Noobs" please read this before posting.

Is This Church a Racist Organization?

No. We believe that God has a special place in society for everyone, no matter how unintelligent and ugly they are.

What is the position in society of (insert race here)?

If your ancestors are: African
Your position in society is: Slave of slaves. Best segregated, as your curse might hurt others.
Because:
And the sons of Noah, that went forth of the ark, were Shem, [Father of Asians] and Ham, [father of blacks] and Japheth [father of Whites]: and Ham is the father of Canaan. These are the three sons of Noah: and of them was the whole earth overspread.
And Noah began to be an husbandman, and he planted a vineyard:
And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and he was uncovered within his tent.
And Ham, the father of Canaan, saw the nakedness of his father, and told his two brethren without.
And Shem and Japheth took a garment, and laid it upon both their shoulders, and went backward, and covered the nakedness of their father; and their faces were backward, and they saw not their father's nakedness.
And Noah awoke from his wine, and knew what his younger son had done unto him.
And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants ("The lowest of slaves - New International Version) shall he be unto his brethren.
And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
God shall enlarge Japheth, and he shall dwell in the tents of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant.
And he said, Cursed be Canaan; a servant of servants shall he be unto his brethren. And he said, Blessed be the LORD God of Shem; and Canaan shall be his servant. - Genesis 9:18-27

If your ancestors are: Unmarried (within 10 generations)
Your position in society is: Same as under secularism, but you can't enter church.
Because: A bastard shall not enter into the congregation of the LORD; even to his tenth generation shall he not enter into the congregation of the LORD. - Deuteronomy 23:2

If your ancestors are: Greek
Your position in society is: Same as under secularism, but everybody knows you're literally a motherf*cker:
Because: It is reported commonly that there is fornication among you, and such fornication as is not so much as named among the Gentiles, that one should have his father's wife. - 1 Corinthians 5:1 (there is sexual immorality among you...man has his father's wife - New International Version)

If your ancestors are: Greek (Cretian)
Your position in society is: Meat.
One of themselves, even a prophet of their own, said, The Cretians are alway liars, evil beasts, slow bellies. This witness is true. (Titus 1:12)

How do you know that the sons of Ham are blacks?

The Answers In Genesis Creation Museum says so:
AiG's

What about interracial/intercultural marriage?

God commands us against them:

Neither shalt thou make marriages with them; thy daughter thou shalt not give unto his son, nor his daughter shalt thou take unto thy son. - Deuteronomy 7:3

But why? And can I at least have a foreign girlfriend or mistress?

No. Your black mistress will end up converting you to her "black Jesus" and Kawanzaa heresies:

But king Solomon loved many strange women, together with the daughter of Pharaoh (who is African), women of the Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Zidonians, and Hittites;
Of the nations concerning which the LORD said unto the children of Israel, Ye shall not go in to them, neither shall they come in unto you: for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods: Solomon clave unto these in love. -1st Kings 11:1-2

If they can even corrupt as Godly a man as King Solomon, the wisest man of all time (1 Kings 4:31), imagine what they'll do to you!

Do you support segregation or integration?

God says integration leads to heresy:

And the children of Israel dwelt among the Canaanites, Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites:
And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods.
And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD, and forgat the LORD their God, and served Baalim and the groves. - Judges 3:5-7

So if I can't live in the same neighborhoods as non-W.A.S.P.S., can I at least visit?

No. Even looking at them will mess you up: Thine eyes shall behold strange women, and thine heart shall utter perverse things. - Proverbs 23:33

But black women are so attractive!

Some are, but that's rare:

I am black, but comely, O ye daughters of Jerusalem, as the tents of Kedar, as the curtains of Solomon.
Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: Song of Solomon 1:5-6

Is it even possible to re-segregate?

It is, and it's as important a part of Christianity as confessing your sins:

And the seed of Israel separated themselves from all strangers, and stood and confessed their sins, and the iniquities of their fathers. -Nehemiah 9:2


I'm of mixed-race, are my parents sinners?

Yes: The people of Israel, and the priests, and the Levites, have not separated themselves from the people of the lands, doing according to their abominations, even of the Canaanites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Jebusites, the Ammonites, the Moabites, the Egyptians, and the Amorites.
For they have taken of their daughters for themselves, and for their sons: so that the holy seed have mingled themselves with the people of those lands: yea, the hand of the princes and rulers hath been chief in this trespass. - Ezra 9:1-2

Why are white people's genes holy?

Because God says so. See Ezra 9:1-2 above.

I know Africa is a mess, but it can change, right?

The Bible says you can take the blacks out of the jungle, but you can't take the jungle out of the blacks: Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil. -Jeremiah 13:23

So what should our foreign policy towards Africa be?

Invade and exterminate. Also kill all the men of nations that are allied with African nations:

Ethiopia (old term for most of Africa), and Libya, and Lydia, and all the mingled people, and Chub, and the men of the land that is in league, (African Union etc.) shall fall with them by the sword. - Ezekiel 30:5

Does God listen the prayers of Christians who aren't white Americans?

No, He doesn't want to listen to non-whites and non-Americans because Jesus considers them dogs:

But he answered and said, I am not sent but unto the lost sheep of the house of Israel.
Then came she and worshipped him, saying, Lord, help me.
But he answered and said, It is not meet to take the children's bread, and to cast it to dogs - Matthew 15:24-26

But how do you know Jesus is white?

First let's agree on these definitions:

Ruddy: rosy-cheeked, sunburnt
fair countenence: white face and facial features (nose is not hooked or flat, for example)

Jesus was a Nazarite:

Her Nazarites were purer than snow, they were whiter than milk, they were more ruddy in body than rubies - Lamentations 4:7

Unless you're one of those perverts who believe that the Song of Solomon is pornography, you'll agree that the Song of Solomon is a prophecy predicting the love of Jesus. And here is Jesus described as being outstandingly ruddy among 10,000, that is, among the whitest 0.0001% of the population:

My lover is radiant and ruddy, outstanding among ten thousand - Song of Solomon 5:10

Jesus was descended from King David, also white, and who was a victim of anti-White racism:

And when the Philistine looked about, and saw David, he disdained him: for he was but a youth, and ruddy, and of a fair countenance. - 1 Samuel 17:42

God chooses prophets and rulers of nations by simply choosing the white person:

Again, Jesse made seven of his sons to pass before Samuel. And Samuel said unto Jesse, The LORD hath not chosen these.

And Samuel said unto Jesse, Are here all thy children? And he said, There remaineth yet the youngest, and, behold, he keepeth the sheep. And Samuel said unto Jesse, Send and fetch him: for we will not sit down till he come hither.
And he sent, and brought him in. Now he was ruddy, and withal of a beautiful countenance, and goodly to look to. And the LORD said, Arise, anoint him: for this is he. Then Samuel took the horn of oil, and anointed him in the midst of his brethren: and the Spirit of the LORD came upon David from that day forward. So Samuel rose up, and went to Ramah. - 1 Samuel 16:10-13

Note that Hussien Obama is not ruddy.
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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 02-20-2014 at 02:17 PM.
  #10  
Old 12-05-2007, 10:43 PM
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Pastor Billy-Reuben Pastor Billy-Reuben is offline
Senior Pastor
VP of Evangelical Outreach
On FIRE for Jesus
 

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Default Do you think we are a false religion?

Perhaps you've heard that we are a joke, false religion or parody, and you came to our site for a few cheap laughs or "lulz", only to find people taking everything seriously. So now you have decided to be the first to "spill the beans" and let everyone in on your "knowledge". Friend, this has been done so many times that it isn't funny any more.

When an Atheist loses a debate to a fundamentalist Christian, it is a common tactic to accuse the Christian of being a parody. The Atheist is so full of pride, that he cannot imagine being outsmarted by a dumb God-Believer, so he thinks the Christian must be an Atheist like himself who is only pretending to be Christian. This is known as Tabor's Law.

Our situation is not helped by the fact that there is some atheist satirist who does an impression of our Pastor Deacon Fred at atheist conventions. People hear about him and start rumors that they are the same person and that the real Landover Baptist Church is also just a joke. Some Atheists go so far as to vandalize our church's Wikipedia page to say that we are a false religion.

Here is a link to the version of the Landover Baptist Wikipedia article before the vandals got a hold of it.
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The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions.


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