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Bible in a Year KJV with Brother V

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Old 09-21-2011, 08:33 PM
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Default Day 281. Malachi 1-2

Malachi 1-2

Malachi 1

1 The burden of the word of the LORD to Israel by Malachi.

Not much is known of Malachi. He's either a prophet named Malachi who lived around 420 BC, after the second return of Nehemiah from Persia, or it's a generic term that was applied to a guy and the name means "messenger of Yahweh". Two articles I've read said he was either after Haggai and Zechariah, or between those two. The main assumption is that the temple is rebuilt. Which would put it after Zechariah.

2 I have loved you, saith the LORD. Yet ye say, Wherein hast thou loved us? Was not Esau Jacob's brother? saith the LORD: yet I loved Jacob,

3 And I hated Esau, and laid his mountains and his heritage waste for the dragons of the wilderness.


Jacob I have loved... Esau I have hated. (Romans 9:13)

Anyone who says God is love, and love alone, hasn't read the bible. These people of course will say that "hated" means loved less. But if you still kind of love someone, but not as much as another, do you really lay their mountains to waste, along with their heritage? Then leave them to be eaten by dragons? No, if you hate someone, feeding them to dragons is a pretty acceptable thing to do.

4 Whereas Edom saith, We are impoverished, but we will return and build the desolate places; thus saith the LORD of hosts, They shall build, but I will throw down; and they shall call them, The border of wickedness, and, The people against whom the LORD hath indignation for ever.

Edom doesn't exist anymore; Israel is right there.

6 A son honoureth his father, and a servant his master: if then I be a father, where is mine honour? and if I be a master, where is my fear? saith the LORD of hosts unto you, O priests, that despise my name. And ye say, Wherein have we despised thy name?

God thinks his people don't respect him.

7 Ye offer polluted bread upon mine altar; and ye say, Wherein have we polluted thee? In that ye say, The table of the LORD is contemptible.

8 And if ye offer the blind for sacrifice, is it not evil? and if ye offer the lame and sick, is it not evil? offer it now unto thy governor; will he be pleased with thee, or accept thy person? saith the LORD of hosts.


God is supposed to get the best, but instead the people are giving him crap. He probably even got the shits from ecoli from the crappy offerings they were giving him. And God doesn't like getting the shits.

10 Who is there even among you that would shut the doors for nought? neither do ye kindle fire on mine altar for nought. I have no pleasure in you, saith the LORD of hosts, neither will I accept an offering at your hand.

So, think of it like God was going to a restaurant in Israel. There are several places he could go, there's that Jordanian place next door, or the Iranian place, or the Iraqi, heck, he could have even had some Greek (but he hasn't developed a taste for feta yet) but he had his favorite restaurant. He really liked it when Moses was the head chef with Aaron as the Sous-chef; but after a while, they had to move on to the big kitchen in the sky. The family recipe's were passed down from generation to generation, but God still liked the first chef's best. Over time the recipe got lost. Sometimes, people would pick up spices from the neighbors, (God really hates having bizarre spices on his lamb chops), sometimes, they would bring other entertainment into the restaurant (hey, this is supposed to be a family place, why are there half naked girls serving me food?). One time, God just didn't like it so much that he allowed a new developer to come in and tear down the building. Then, after some time of not having his favorite restaurant, he allows the previous owners to come in and rebuild it. For a while, the food is good, but then they stop using the best ingredients (even Papa John's knows that "better ingredients means better pizza") and start skimping on the portion size. So, he has the place torn down. He allows various other restaurants to go up in the spot, there was once an Italian eatery, and he got to eat a lot of pizza and pasta, and currently there's a place that sells halal gyros. But eventually, he's going to go back to his favorite family owned restaurant. He's getting tired of the falafel sandwiches.

11 For from the rising of the sun even unto the going down of the same my name shall be great among the Gentiles; and in every place incense shall be offered unto my name, and a pure offering: for my name shall be great among the heathen, saith the LORD of hosts.

He's like a restaurant reviewer giving out Michelin stars. He used to give them to just the Jewish restaurants, but now he's expanded his palate, and he wants some variety.

12 But ye have profaned it, in that ye say, The table of the LORD is polluted; and the fruit thereof, even his meat, is contemptible.

I think I saw that in a review once on YELP.

Malachi 2

1 And now, O ye priests, this commandment is for you.

God is going to lay the smack down.

2 If ye will not hear, and if ye will not lay it to heart, to give glory unto my name, saith the LORD of hosts, I will even send a curse upon you, and I will curse your blessings: yea, I have cursed them already, because ye do not lay it to heart.

God is tired of your shit.

3 Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.

He's probably going to wait until you pass out and draw pictures of penises on your face too.

4 And ye shall know that I have sent this commandment unto you, that my covenant might be with Levi, saith the LORD of hosts.

A covenant with Levi? Perhaps they mean the sons of Levi, not necessarily Levi himself, because I don't remember a specific covenant with Levi.

5 My covenant was with him of life and peace; and I gave them to him for the fear wherewith he feared me, and was afraid before my name.

6 The law of truth was in his mouth, and iniquity was not found in his lips: he walked with me in peace and equity, and did turn many away from iniquity.


Hmmm, that sounds like he's talking about one person. That also doesn't sound like Levi. Remember, he was one of the brothers (along with Simeon) who killed everyone in the city where Dinah was ... raped... even though she might have been in love with Shechem.

8 But ye are departed out of the way; ye have caused many to stumble at the law; ye have corrupted the covenant of Levi, saith the LORD of hosts.

Ok, it's just the covenant with Aaron.

11 Judah hath dealt treacherously, and an abomination is committed in Israel and in Jerusalem; for Judah hath profaned the holiness of the LORD which he loved, and hath married the daughter of a strange god.

That would be Shuah, the Canaanite (negro). She was the mother of Er and Onan.

12 The LORD will cut off the man that doeth this, the master and the scholar, out of the tabernacles of Jacob, and him that offereth an offering unto the LORD of hosts.

This is a lot like the teaching of Nehemiah, where he made everyone divorce their non-Jew wives, and disown their non-Jew children. That is the seed corruption, that the Jew's won't be pure.

14 Yet ye say, Wherefore? Because the LORD hath been witness between thee and the wife of thy youth, against whom thou hast dealt treacherously: yet is she thy companion, and the wife of thy covenant.

God wants people to stick with their first love. And that definitely isn't with a negro.

16 For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously.

God is against two things here, inter-racial marriage, and divorce. But it's probably better to divorce than be married to someone who is a darkie.

So what have we learned today?

1. Israel has lost it's Michelin star. The temple doesn't serve the prime cuts of lamb anymore.

2. God is against interracial marriage.

3. God hates divorce. (Even though he did abandon both of his wives earlier).

YIC
V
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Old 09-21-2011, 08:40 PM
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Default Re: Day 281. Malachi 1-2

well piffle my ass... it brings a tear of pride to the end of my penis to see so many fellow nazi biggoted piffles here... god hates fags except closet homosexuals like us rite? 4chan biiiatch u jus got served your own ass with a rhasberry jous...
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Old 09-21-2011, 08:41 PM
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Default Re: Day 281. Malachi 1-2

Quote:
Originally Posted by godhatesbaptists View Post
with a rhasberry jous...
Thank you for keeping with the food theme of this thread.

YIC
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Old 09-21-2011, 10:36 PM
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Default Re: Day 281. Malachi 1-2

Quote:
Originally Posted by godhatesbaptists View Post
well piffle my ass... it brings a tear of pride to the end of my penis to see so many fellow nazi biggoted piffles here... god hates fags except closet homosexuals like us rite? 4chan biiiatch u jus got served your own ass with a rhasberry jous...
There an't no Japanese school girl pron in HELL sinner! Repent of you anime SELF POLLUTING ways and turn towards Jesus before you are face first into Lucifer's crotch! Turn or burn Photoshop homer.
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Old 09-21-2011, 10:39 PM
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Default Re: Day 281. Malachi 1-2

My GOD, Brother V, I thought that perhaps Job had finally gotten a Job!

Dang old economy anyway
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