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Old 03-06-2014, 09:31 PM
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Default Antique Battle-Axe For Sale



The mother-in-law just can't pull the cart anymore. She tries to help the wife in the kitchen, God bless her, but frankly, beating her for leaving spots on the drinking glasses isn't nearly as satisfying as it was a couple years ago when she was only 98.

I am only asking $10.00 American for her. I'm sure she could probably be of some use still, maybe as a practice dummy for young Christian man-children to hone their wife-correction techniques on, or you could just roll her wheel-chair in the corner and let her draw off flies from the rest of the house during the summer, if she lasts that long.

If anyone is interested, let me know. I am not firm on the price, and am open to negotiation. Serious offers only, please.
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Old 03-06-2014, 09:41 PM
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Default Re: Antique Battle-Axe For Sale

The price is a bit steep. If it could be reduced to, say, absolutely nothing, I would consider it. My neighbor Mrs. Johnson keeps buying dogs faster than I can shoot those annoying creatures and your mother-in-law looks like she would be great at scaring dogs away. She would of course have to build her own place to sleep, grow her own foot and pay rent.
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Old 03-06-2014, 10:14 PM
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Default Re: Antique Battle-Axe For Sale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
grow her own foot
Brother Hammer, you didn't state she only had one foot! You should be paying the new owner to take her from you!
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  #4  
Old 03-06-2014, 10:34 PM
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Default Re: Antique Battle-Axe For Sale

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Originally Posted by Mother Of Seven View Post
Brother Hammer, you didn't state she only had one foot! You should be paying the new owner to take her from you!
The foot was removed by me in accordance with Mark 9:45, a few years back. She tripped over a copy of the KJV Bible that she had carelessly left on the floor, provoking my righteous fury. I amputated the offending foot before Christ could cast her into eternal flame, since back then I still had hopes that she would die any day now, and mightn't have time to repent properly...yet she lingers on...

I gave her an iron-boot from my inquisition chamber, but she refuses to wear it. I'll throw that in, too. Maybe someone else will have better luck persuading her.
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Old 03-06-2014, 10:21 PM
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Default Re: Antique Battle-Axe For Sale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
The price is a bit steep. If it could be reduced to, say, absolutely nothing, I would consider it. My neighbor Mrs. Johnson keeps buying dogs faster than I can shoot those annoying creatures and your mother-in-law looks like she would be great at scaring dogs away. She would of course have to build her own place to sleep, grow her own foot and pay rent.
I'm afraid she attracts feral dogs rather than repel them, on account of the fell odor wafting from her long-wilted birth-hole. Her arthritis makes it impossible for her to scrub out the demons of uncleanliness, and even my wife is loath to do it for her. We hung a pine scented air freshener around her neck, which helps a bit. I will throw that in on the deal, and reduce her price to $2.50.
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  #6  
Old 03-06-2014, 11:43 PM
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Default Re: Antique Battle-Axe For Sale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
I'm afraid she attracts feral dogs rather than repel them
That is disappointing to say the least. As is the still too high price of $2.50. I assume she is too slow to be of any use for target practice?
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Old 03-07-2014, 12:00 AM
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Default Re: Antique Battle-Axe For Sale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cranky Old Man View Post
That is disappointing to say the least. As is the still too high price of $2.50. I assume she is too slow to be of any use for target practice?
She's not very spry, but you could purposefully misalign your gun sights to make it more sporting for you. $.99?
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Old 03-07-2014, 12:07 AM
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Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
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Default Re: Antique Battle-Axe For Sale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
She's not very spry, but you could purposefully misalign your gun sights to make it more sporting for you. $.99?
$.99 is way more than I would want to spend on a slow moving dog magnet. I just realized one of my grandchildren has a birthday next week. A slowly moving target might be useful for some proper Christian stoning festivities. Is the cake in the picture part of the deal?
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Old 03-17-2014, 12:58 AM
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Default Re: Antique Battle-Axe For Sale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post


The mother-in-law just can't pull the cart anymore. She tries to help the wife in the kitchen, God bless her, but frankly, beating her for leaving spots on the drinking glasses isn't nearly as satisfying as it was a couple years ago when she was only 98.

I am only asking $10.00 American for her. I'm sure she could probably be of some use still, maybe as a practice dummy for young Christian man-children to hone their wife-correction techniques on, or you could just roll her wheel-chair in the corner and let her draw off flies from the rest of the house during the summer, if she lasts that long.

If anyone is interested, let me know. I am not firm on the price, and am open to negotiation. Serious offers only, please.
My youngest son will be 8 next month. Maybe I ought buy her as a practice target for him. Do you think you could do 7.50?
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Old 03-17-2014, 02:19 AM
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Default Re: Antique Battle-Axe For Sale

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dipper Man View Post
My youngest son will be 8 next month. Maybe I ought buy her as a practice target for him. Do you think you could do 7.50?
You need to ask Cranky Old Man that question. He owns her now. Based on his remarks, though, I suspect he might be open to your offer.

(If she's still breathing).

Unless, of course, Brother Witch Hammer has another grandmother on sale.
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