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Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

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  #361  
Old 08-10-2013, 12:14 AM
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James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is? Free ham.
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Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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  #362  
Old 08-10-2013, 06:17 AM
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Donovan A. Mordecai Donovan A. Mordecai is offline
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Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Manly Jokes

Why do Jews have big noses?

Air is free.
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Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.



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  #363  
Old 08-21-2013, 11:54 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Father Thomas Martin View Post
Q: Who will introduce Landover Baptist Church to national broadcast TV?
A: John Walsh-he hosts America's Most Wanted.
Why don't you read the and , you worthless worshiping calflick?
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  #364  
Old 08-22-2013, 01:41 AM
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Donovan A. Mordecai Donovan A. Mordecai is offline
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Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alan Roberts Jr. View Post
Why don't you read the and , you worthless worshiping calflick?

As much as we all hate the cathlics, that's not a very funny joke.

Try something like this:

For a catholic priest, what's the worst part about having sex with 8yr olds?


A) getting the blood out of their clown suits
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Psalm 137:8-9 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.



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  #365  
Old 08-22-2013, 10:44 AM
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Billy Bob Jenkins Billy Bob Jenkins is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Why do women bleed from their cooters?

Because they are inferior to men according to the KJV Bible, God's Holy Word.



(If I was a woman I would totally kill myself!)
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  #366  
Old 08-24-2013, 09:14 AM
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WilliamJenningsBryan WilliamJenningsBryan is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Hitler and Stalin are sitting at the bar. A patron walks up to the bar and asks the barman if that's Hitler and Stalin sitting over there. He says yes. The man goes over to Hitler and Stalin and asks what they are doing. "We're planning world war 3" says Stalin. "We're going to kill 14 million jews and 1 bike repair man" says Hitler "Why the bike repair man?" The patron asks. Hitler says to Stalin "See? I told you no one would ask about the jews."
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  #367  
Old 08-25-2013, 02:47 AM
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Alvin Moss Alvin Moss is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

I have a friend who is tainted with Jew blood, though he is saved. Praise God!

He says he's just a little bit Jew. He just got the guilt and, of course, he doesn't pay retail.

Here is a manly joke, though it is a bit risque:

Man and wife, married for 30 years, sitting and having coffee on a beautiful morning.

She asks him if he would get married again if she died. He is shocked and says "Why do you have to bring something like that up?" and he won't talk about it at all. Later she asks again. Same response.

For days she brings it up and finally he "Yes, OK, if you die I'll get married again". Well, Ok, she says, would you sell the house? No, No, of course not, he says. Would you sell our bed? No, it's our bed, he says. Oh!, she said. Would she drive the car? I guess so, he says, sounding a little impatient. Well, would you let her use my golf clubs? No, no, of course not, he says........she's left handed.
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  #368  
Old 08-25-2013, 03:41 AM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Here is manly Joke

Obama has stolen the presidency TWICE and destroying the country.

What is the punch line; there is none.
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Time to come clean on Benghazi Mr Obama!
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  #369  
Old 08-26-2013, 07:22 AM
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WilliamJenningsBryan WilliamJenningsBryan is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Q: Why don't Italians like Jehovah's Witnesses?

A: Italians don't like any witnesses.
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  #370  
Old 08-31-2013, 05:59 AM
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Alphonse Alban Alphonse Alban is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

How do you call an arab with a goat and a camel?

-bisexual
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  #371  
Old 08-31-2013, 02:15 PM
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Donovan A. Mordecai Donovan A. Mordecai is offline
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Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Donovan A. Mordecai is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Manly Jokes

Whats the difference between a porcupine and a catholic church?

The porcupine has its pricks on the outside
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Psalm 137:8-9 O daughter of Babylon, who art to be destroyed; happy shall he be, that rewardeth thee as thou hast served us.
Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones.



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  #372  
Old 09-01-2013, 01:03 PM
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Thomas Taylor Thomas Taylor is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

What's the similarity between a priest and a pint of guiness?

If you get a bad one of either you end up with a sore ass.
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  #373  
Old 09-05-2013, 06:18 AM
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Paragon of virtue Paragon of virtue is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

NAG NAG NAG

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution.
His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.

As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, 'What time of night to
be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it'. And on and on and on.

Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed
off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.

While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Wright,
had been granted a stay of execution after all. Wright would not be hanged tonight.

Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.

As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.

'They're not hanging Wright tonight,' she said.

He whirled around and screamed, 'FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?!'



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  #374  
Old 09-07-2013, 05:24 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

There's a company in Texas getting harassed for making these decals for manly pick-up trucks. I'm going to send away for a few dozen to had out as Christmas gifts this year. The liberals and feminazis are trying to shut them down.



I think it's pretty funny.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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  #375  
Old 09-07-2013, 09:43 PM
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James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

My eyes must be failing me as I was unable to make out the ropes or cement blocks on her ankles.
__________________
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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  #376  
Old 09-17-2013, 12:43 AM
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James Hutchins James Hutchins is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . . She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"


Typical slopes
__________________
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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  #377  
Old 09-18-2013, 01:58 PM
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Nobar King Nobar King is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

A man on his Harley
A man on his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, 'because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'

God replied, 'Your request is materialistic; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'

The biker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy.

.
.
.
God replied: 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
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  #378  
Old 09-18-2013, 10:04 PM
Joshua The Repentant Joshua The Repentant is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Q: Why do women have periods?

A: Because they deserve them.


Q: What is loud and obnoxious?

A: A woman.
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John 16:33


"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
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  #379  
Old 09-19-2013, 05:57 AM
godslefthand godslefthand is offline
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godslefthand is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.godslefthand is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Care to back that up with Scripture, boy?

And who asked for your unsaved opinion anyway?
Mathew 7: 1-3 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2*For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. I've read a lot of quotes where you judge people to be hellbound. I hope Jesus gives you the same judgment you have given so many. DO YOU THINK JESUS LIKES YOU PLAYING GOD? PREPARE TO RECIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GIVEN. GOD BLESS TRUE FOLLOWERS OFF CHRIST NOT THESE "CHRISTIAN" HIPPOCRITS. THIS SITE IS NOTHING BUT RIGHT WING BULLSHITERS PUSHING THEIR OWN AGENDA. REST IN HELL
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  #380  
Old 09-19-2013, 06:04 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by godslefthand View Post
Mathew 7: 1-3 Judge not, that ye be not judged. 2*For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again. I've read a lot of quotes where you judge people to be hellbound. I hope Jesus gives you the same judgment you have given so many. DO YOU THINK JESUS LIKES YOU PLAYING GOD? PREPARE TO RECIEVE EVERYTHING YOU HAVE GIVEN. GOD BLESS TRUE FOLLOWERS OFF CHRIST NOT THESE "CHRISTIAN" HIPPOCRITS. THIS SITE IS NOTHING BUT RIGHT WING BULLSHITERS PUSHING THEIR OWN AGENDA. REST IN HELL
You need to take a close look at my sermon on the subject, HERE.

Jesus doesn't say that nobody should cast stones.
He says that he who is without sin may cast stones.

And friend, he who abides in Jesus Christ is made sinfree (as 1 John 3:5-9 says).
Thus, Jesus expects True Christians to cast stones. Glory!
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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