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THE WAR ON CHRISTMAS! Open for the CHRISTmas Season only.

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  #21  
Old 11-25-2010, 07:14 PM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!



I think this willl show my son the true power of the Lord.
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  #22  
Old 11-26-2010, 02:56 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by despising david View Post
As we all know satan is pushing sugar plumbs and candy and other devices down our childrens stockings for them to be distracted from God. However there is one gift that keeps on giving for eternity! SLIPS!!!!!
Especially great for that child who's just learning to read, Slips not only can give the kid's a great fun time but they can start to learn to fear God at the same time they learn to read!! If you have not seen one before here are a few examples of the good times that await your child!


Here is one for a new age of love!!!


and one that especially brings home the bacon!!!


I am giddy with joy waiting for Jesus's birthday to give these to my nephews!
Your nephews are learning to read? How about a nice pocket Bible?
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  #23  
Old 11-26-2010, 03:02 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phebe Carlyle View Post
I know that my nieces and nephews will be getting nothing from me in their stockings! God has already given enough and given all they will EVERY truly need and that is JESUS!!

So rather than giving them materialistic nonsense, I will sit them all down and do a lovely relevant Bible Study, explaining the prophecies of both Daniel and Isaiah of the coming of The Lord and show them just how accurate God's word is ,by cross referencing these vital Old Testament scriptures with the Books of Matthew, John and Luke. Then, if they have been good and listened, I may give each of them Chick Tracts;one of my favorites being :The Word Became Flesh"

Here are just a few from it as I don't want to spoil the full surprise

YIC

Sister Phebe.
Sister Phebe, I admire your great wisdom.
Who needs gifts when you have the wonderful gift of Jesus?
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  #24  
Old 12-01-2010, 03:05 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Well, I am a softie and I do love to spoil my kids.

As soon as a child is one year old, they get a plastic coated KJV Bible.
After that, the boys get guns or dirt bikes, the girls, vacuums or brooms.
When the boys reach 15, they get their first car, always a fixer-uper, like a '78 Porsche whale tail (that is little Esiah's present this year - shhhh) or some other oldie but goodie. I'll never forget little James Jr. (little, he is 37 now) , we got him an old all alloy Speedster. Many a fun night was spent in the shop boring and stroking.
The girls get ironing boards and floor buffers.
There are plenty of other things to buy the girls. Those gifts you give are good and useful but you seem to be concentrating on floors a little too much. May I suggest you expand your list with dish towels, clothespins, feather dusters, aprons, and cooking utensils.
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  #25  
Old 12-15-2013, 12:19 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

For a daughter, what about this lovely cleaning trolley?
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  #26  
Old 12-15-2013, 05:02 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Stockings should be filled with Christian candy.

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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #27  
Old 12-15-2013, 05:40 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

I'm giving these inflatable Jesus figures to my nephews:


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  #28  
Old 12-15-2013, 06:21 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by IreneS View Post
Would Jesus hold His AK-47 by the magazine?
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  #29  
Old 12-15-2013, 06:28 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

I think he's replacing the magazine.
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  #30  
Old 12-15-2013, 10:29 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

If I had children id put Halos in their stockings. To let them know they are my little angels.
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  #31  
Old 12-15-2013, 10:52 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

You blasphemer!
Any children from your asexual loins cannot be angels. Humans cannot be angels. 1 Corinthians 4:9
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  #32  
Old 12-15-2013, 10:54 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by IreneS View Post
You blasphemer!
Any children from your asexual loins cannot be angels. Humans cannot be angels. 1 Corinthians 4:9
Well at least with my loins you get strength, smarts, and good looks.
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  #33  
Old 12-15-2013, 01:04 PM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

I put Chick Tracts and individually wrapped bullets of various calibers in all 40 something stockings.
After breakfast, we have a bullet swap where all the kids trade the bullets they got with the other kids to get the ones that fit their guns.
Then they get on the flat bed and we go for a ride. The kids shoot out all the blasphemous inflatable 'Santa's and Snowmen' in peoples yards from the truck as we pass by at 30 mph.
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Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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  #34  
Old 12-15-2013, 02:18 PM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

My grandchildren have asked for improving t-shirts this year, bless them! Isn't this a pretty design?



And my youngest son, who is teaching Theogeography, will be giving this to each child in his class.

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  #35  
Old 12-15-2013, 03:03 PM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Our congregation has been feeling somewhat nostalgic for the good old days of late and we have all decided to give the youth bows and arrows.

The area has become infested with cats and cats are known to serve as familiars for witches and other satanic incarnations. We feel that an ongoing hunt will rid the place of possibly evil creatures and make the area safe from cat dung, which is quite smelly if you step on it and track it in the house. Also, our youth will develop new skills which may become handy if ammunition continues to be made scarce by the Democrats.
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  #36  
Old 12-18-2013, 11:30 PM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Last year, I gave my nephews a 'My First Rifle' from crickett.com
My 3 year old niece is extremely jealous. What do you think about this for her?

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  #37  
Old 12-19-2013, 04:06 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

I think your niece should be forced encouraged to play with gender appropriate toys. Would you allow a boy to play with a doll?

Her desire for a male appropriate toy could be a sign that demons are nesting in her little rectum.
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And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

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  #38  
Old 12-19-2013, 05:38 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Dr Snyde, I tend to agree, which is why I asked for opinions. I shall instead get her a diaper washing kit, so she can learn about her little brother's rectum and the filth of all that embodies.
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Old 12-19-2013, 05:52 AM
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Default Re: what to place in your child's stockings this year!!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by IreneS View Post
Dr Snyde, I tend to agree, which is why I asked for opinions. I shall instead get her a diaper washing kit, so she can learn about her little brother's rectum and the filth of all that embodies.
That's an excellent idea...this will give her some experience for when she's pushing forth little soldiers of her own for Christ.
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I Kings 7:23

And he made a moulten Sea, ten cubites from the one brim to the other: it was round all about, & his height was fiue cubits: and a line of thirtie cubites did compasse it round about.

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