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Old 01-31-2014, 11:18 AM
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Default Chink New Year

Hello fellow True Christians! I know that I haven't checked in for awhile, but I've been very busy over here in Hong Kong due to the run-up to the Chinese New Year, which is today. The Chinks got this strange calendar which they brought with them from whatever planet they came from, so their New Year is at least a month after the Godly Christian one, but the exact date changes every year - go figure.

I understand that most of you rely on Fox News to keep informed, and since Fox never covers foreign news - except when the USA is bombing some pissant country back to the Stone Age - I realize that you might not even be aware of what's going on over here on the gook-occupied side of the world. Maybe you don't care either - and not that I'd blame you - except that these slant-eyed aliens keep multiplying and spreading, taking over whole neighborhoods in America. There are Chinktowns in big cities like San Francisco and New York, and even out in Flyoverland a Chink restaurant is never far away.

To make matters worse, the Chinks got all the money. As ya'll have no doubt noticed, everything at Wal-Mart is Made in China. Even worse, the Chink government is pressuring my company to raise wages, improve worker safety and clean up pollution in their country. I'm as outraged about this as the rest of you are - such extortion would be good enough reason to "liberate" China with our awesome military, except that now all our military hardware and ammo is made in Chinkland too. But I assure you that my company has a plan - we're working hard to return all dangerous and polluting factory jobs to American inmates at our privatized prisons in Texas. Unfortunately, it's a slow process, and in the meantime all we can do is lure Chink tourists to my company's casinos in Las Vegas to win back some of the money they stole from American workers.

Anyway, in keeping with the holiday spirit and in the interests of diversity, I just thought I'd share some of my worldly knowledge about the Chink New Year. You see, I've been living in Hong Kong for over 20 years now in order to look after my company's factories in China, and thus I've become a bit of an expert in Chink culture.

So let's start our cultural tour! To begin with, they got signs plastered all over Hong Kong right now with Chinese characters and the Romanized Cantonese words Gong Hey Fat Choy. I don't know what that means - the only Chink words I've learned in 20 years are chow mein, chop suey and egg rolls, but anyway it's got something to do with the New Year. Also, they got these men running around in yellow costumes with dragon thingies - if you ask me, it looks very homo.


Chink Gay Pride Festival (note the dragon's tongue stud)

Another custom - one which I find particularly disturbing - is that the job creators like me are expected to give all the employees bonuses. That's right, not just CEO bonuses which are richly deserved, but even bonuses to lowly factory workers, including children! But hey, we gotta be culturally sensitive, so we go ahead and pay the bonuses - an extra heaping portion of meat for all our workers.


New Year's Bonus - All you can eat!

Any leftovers are frozen and shipped off to our subsidiary in the USA that supplies school lunches under contract to the US Department of Education.

During the Chink New Year, you are also expected to show your generosity by helping the needy. Now of course, I don't want to encourage panhandling, but my company's marketing department just recently came up with a brilliant program to help starving beggars earn extra cash. As you may be aware, some company's will pay for "product placement ads" where they slip their company's product or logo into a photo that is not actually a direct advertisement. For example, Coca-Cola might pay for a movie to have all the actors drinking Coke. Taking a cue from Hollywood, we've instituted a pilot program with Hong Kong's begging community, and so far I'm pleased with the results.


Product placement advertising


Finger-licking good!

In return for the product placement ads, participating beggars get first crack at picking through the garbage dumpsters - there's almost always some good cans and bottles in there!

Just one more example of how Uranus is a caring, sharing company and a good global citizen.
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Old 01-31-2014, 01:34 PM
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Default Re: Chink New Year

Quote:
Originally Posted by Free Market Fred View Post
the Chinese New Year, which is today
Those Chinastanians sure are slow. There are advantages to their calendars being behind though. McDonalds sells all their expired products there making a nice profit for America. And those people there don't even notice because those products are not yet expired according to their local calendar!
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Old 01-31-2014, 01:37 PM
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Default Re: Chink New Year

That's so retarded, celebrating New Year's Day a month late. When do they celebrate the 4th of July, in August?

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Old 01-31-2014, 02:06 PM
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Default Re: Chink New Year

The slants can't get anything right, trust me.





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Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Old 02-01-2014, 01:24 AM
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Default Re: Chink New Year

A lot of evil superstition is involved in this "chinese new year"-nonsense Every "chinese year" they chose an animal to worship, be it a rat or a cockroach. Now in 2014 we enter the year of the "Wood Horse". Why don't the chinks chose the "golden calv" right away?

God hates all kinds of chinese idolatry and anyone who celebrates chinese new year will be cast into the lake of fire (Revelation 20:11-15) Hell will be full of idol worshipping chinks.


And Moses returned unto the Lord, and said, Oh, this people have sinned a great sin, and have made them gods of gold. - Exodus 32:31

And ye have seen their abominations, and their idols, wood and stone, silver and gold, which were among them. - Deuteronomy 29:17

Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me. - John 14:6
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Old 02-01-2014, 02:49 AM
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Default Re: Chink New Year

This seems like more of Obama giving more special privileges to minorities. It's not enough that the chinks get the regular new year, they get an extra one a month later. How come white people don't get any extra holidays just for white people? We should celebrate white people new year in Freehold.
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Old 02-01-2014, 03:23 AM
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Default Re: Chink New Year

When will they realize that there is only one true calendar? These Chinese are sinners condemnable by DEATH for astrology! Deuteronomy 4:19; 17:3-7; Isaiah 47:13,14; Acts 7:42; Ezekiel 8:16
So you see, it's only a matter of time before they burn and die in Hell for astrology.
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