The Landover Baptist Church
Like us or burn

Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Landover Today! > Pastor Zeke's News Wire

Pastor Zeke's News Wire Keep up to date with an ever-changing world from an even more Godlier perspective than FOX News.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-08-2014, 07:11 PM
Naomi Ruth Lamb's Avatar
Naomi Ruth Lamb Naomi Ruth Lamb is offline
By Appointment to Hon. Mayor of Freehold, Purveyor of Moist Baked Goods
True Christian™

Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Pro-Life Best Pie True Christian™ Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady Prayer Warrior True Christian Homemaker Most Obedient Best stoning bucket True Christian Beauty Paula Deen Negro Support Group TC Bravery Early riser Proud Niglet Sponsorer In Love With Zeke Persecuted Real American™ The Lord’s Witness Wound TC Bravery Touched by Jesus Heart of compassion True Republican Christian Love Kirk Cameron Fan Club Stamp of Approval 

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Apostle's Park Court, Freehold USA
Posts: 777
Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Praise God for Kentucky and Guns!

The Kentucky Baptist Convention wants to “point people to Christ” by giving away guns at Second Amendment Celebrations hosted across the state.

In the words of spokesman Chuck McAlister the strategy is “outreach to rednecks,” and 1,000 people are expected to attend the next event. To lure the nonreligious into the fold, the churches are offering a handgun, shotgun, or long gun as door prizes. Winners attend church for a photo-op with their new gun, but they must pass a background check before collecting their prize.
McAlister boasted that “unchurched men” in particular will show up because of the gun giveaways, which will in turn offer evangelism opportunities.

And it’s not just in Kentucky. The Rev. John Koletas, pastor of Grace Baptist Church in upstate New York, is raffling off an AR-15 assault rifle at an upcoming service.

“We’re honoring gun owners and hunters,” Koletas told the New York Daily News. “And we’re being a blessing and a help to people who have been attacked, viciously attacked, by socialists and anti-Christian people – the politicians and the media.”

Koletas is perhaps best known to locals as the pastor who’s been arrested seven times “on disorderly conduct charges for loud and incessant street-corner preaching.” In each instance, the charges were either dropped or dismissed. Proof that you can't keep God out of courts, schools, or our hearts. SHOUT GLORY!
__________________
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in Iowa, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas and soon near YOU!

Our pie is endorsed by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-08-2014, 07:48 PM
Attila's Wife's Avatar
Attila's Wife Attila's Wife is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Most Obedient True Christian™ True Christian Lady Best stoning bucket Touched by Jesus True Christian Beauty Ex-eurotrash Real American™ In Love With Zeke One Year/1000 posts 

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: c/o Kent Community Mental Health Team
Posts: 1,942
Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Praise God for Kentucky and Guns!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
The Kentucky Baptist Convention wants to “point people to Christ” by giving away guns at Second Amendment Celebrations hosted across the state.
Thank you Sister Naomi Ruth, for sharing the good news.

Now I have to say that in Godless Europistan, or at least in my little corner of it, we have never thought of Kentucky as the most progressive of states. (I use progressive here in a non-pejorative, conservative sense, if that is possible?) There's a lot of offensive nonsense talked here about the good people of Kentucky breeding with close blood-relatives, which is frankly cheeky coming from a country where the Scots routinely breed with farm animals. At last I have some evidence to prove this slander wrong.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
And it’s not just in Kentucky. The Rev. John Koletas, pastor of Grace Baptist Church in upstate New York, is raffling off an AR-15 assault rifle at an upcoming service.
Now this is even more surprising, though I guess upstate New York is more civilized than New York City? Forgive my ignorance.

Praise the Lord — and pass the ammunition!


YiC
AW
__________________
2 Timothy 3:16

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-08-2014, 08:02 PM
Naomi Ruth Lamb's Avatar
Naomi Ruth Lamb Naomi Ruth Lamb is offline
By Appointment to Hon. Mayor of Freehold, Purveyor of Moist Baked Goods
True Christian™

Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Pro-Life Best Pie True Christian™ Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady Prayer Warrior True Christian Homemaker Most Obedient Best stoning bucket True Christian Beauty Paula Deen Negro Support Group TC Bravery Early riser Proud Niglet Sponsorer In Love With Zeke Persecuted Real American™ The Lord’s Witness Wound TC Bravery Touched by Jesus Heart of compassion True Republican Christian Love Kirk Cameron Fan Club Stamp of Approval 

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Apostle's Park Court, Freehold USA
Posts: 777
Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Praise God for Kentucky and Guns!

One only has to look at Rand Paul or Mitch McConnell to dispute those rumors. Does Brother Rand resemble an animal in any way? Does Mitch? I defy anyone to find a picture to prove otherwise. Oh, to live in such a Christian place. In fact, I may look into opening a pie store in Frankfort or Louisville.

Sister Mrs. Attila, I still urge you to convince your husband to apply for immigration to the US. What can possibly keep him there? I will personally pay for the cost of moving you to Freehold.

NRL
__________________
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in Iowa, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas and soon near YOU!

Our pie is endorsed by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-08-2014, 08:59 PM
Attila's Wife's Avatar
Attila's Wife Attila's Wife is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Most Obedient True Christian™ True Christian Lady Best stoning bucket Touched by Jesus True Christian Beauty Ex-eurotrash Real American™ In Love With Zeke One Year/1000 posts 

Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: c/o Kent Community Mental Health Team
Posts: 1,942
Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Attila's Wife will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Praise God for Kentucky and Guns!

You are very kind, Sister Naomi Ruth. But even if Mr Hun is still alive (which certain recent events suggest may be true - you will understand that I prefer not to go into too much detail here), then I am afraid that there are certain mlsunderstandings over his WW2 war record which might cause problems with the US authorities. It is a shame, not least because I am (quite unfairly) tarred with the same brush.
__________________
2 Timothy 3:16

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 03-08-2014, 09:10 PM
Naomi Ruth Lamb's Avatar
Naomi Ruth Lamb Naomi Ruth Lamb is offline
By Appointment to Hon. Mayor of Freehold, Purveyor of Moist Baked Goods
True Christian™

Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Pro-Life Best Pie True Christian™ Cleanest Kitchen True Christian Lady Prayer Warrior True Christian Homemaker Most Obedient Best stoning bucket True Christian Beauty Paula Deen Negro Support Group TC Bravery Early riser Proud Niglet Sponsorer In Love With Zeke Persecuted Real American™ The Lord’s Witness Wound TC Bravery Touched by Jesus Heart of compassion True Republican Christian Love Kirk Cameron Fan Club Stamp of Approval 

Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Apostle's Park Court, Freehold USA
Posts: 777
Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Naomi Ruth Lamb will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Praise God for Kentucky and Guns!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Attila's Wife View Post
You are very kind, Sister Naomi Ruth. But even if Mr Hun is still alive (which certain recent events suggest may be true - you will understand that I prefer not to go into too much detail here), then I am afraid that there are certain mlsunderstandings over his WW2 war record which might cause problems with the US authorities. It is a shame, not least because I am (quite unfairly) tarred with the same brush.
Isaiah 54:17: No weapon that is formed against thee, shall prosper, and euery tongue that shall rise against thee in iudgement, thou shalt condemne. This is the heritage of the seruants of the Lord, and their righteousnesse is of me, saith the Lord.

JESUS will protect you (and, if located, Mr. Hun) from any of the ill-will that you fear, my precious friend. The gates of Freehold are a strong erection that will not be penetrated or pierced. I know a great little place that the realtor recommended when I was looking to move recently! It is small (only 8 bedrooms and 6 baths) but surely adequate for your needs - and if not, we can remodel together. Pray about it, at least.

You can stop by Kentucky and grab a 38 on the way!
__________________
1 Samuel 8:13 "And he will take your daughters to be confectionaries, and to be cookes, and to be bakers."
Naomi Ruth Lamb, Proprietress:
Naomi's Moist Pie - Unsaved Unwelcome!
Locations in Iowa, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas and soon near YOU!

Our pie is endorsed by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson!
Once you've tasted Naomi's pie, you'll crave it again and again and again and again.
Baptist pastors always receive a 50% discount.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 03-11-2014, 01:55 AM
Freddy Osborne's Avatar
Freddy Osborne Freddy Osborne is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Porn Resistant True Christian™ Christian Love True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Tell her once Touched by Jesus Porn Resistant 

Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Love Child of Pastor Osborne
Posts: 419
Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™Freddy Osborne is a True Christian™
Default Re: Praise God for Kentucky and Guns!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
In fact, I may look into opening a pie store in Frankfort or Louisville.
NRL
This is great news. My wife's cousins need work and have been known for serving a few pies in The Bluegrass State! Maybe they are worthy candidates for certain positions.
__________________
"He that is wounded in the stones, or hath his privy member cut off, shall not enter into the congregation of the Lord."(Deuteronomy 23:1)

"Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)

Last edited by Freddy Osborne; 03-30-2014 at 12:01 AM.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here

The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions.


All times are GMT. The time now is 03:57 PM.


Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1999, 2014 all rights reserved