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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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  #1  
Old 03-18-2014, 05:29 AM
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Default Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Not that I would necessarily consider it personally, but should I - um - someone - date a vertically challenged man? Let's say this dwarf is striving to find JESUS? Let's say that he could be healed like our darling Midge?


This is purely hypothetical and I want no one to question that (especially 2 or 3 nosey women I know).


Pastor Ezekiel and other True Christian™ friends, please add your thoughts to this discussion.


(Elijah, dear, did you get the pie I sent you?)


Surely the um, friend - for whom I write this will find someone else soon. Surely the LORD won't see fit to make her an OLD MAID and DIE ALONE, LOVELESS, and FRUSTRATED. Surely JESUS cares enough to listen to her PRAYERS - hello, Lord - are you there? But it would be good to have an answer just in case.


Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow (Here I am, Lord!)
NRL
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Old 03-18-2014, 06:30 AM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Hello Naomi Ruth Lamb.

I am not a True Christian™ so do not take my word as the final say-so I was watching a move called The Station Agent and it had a small man named Finn but his real name is Peter Dinklage here is a picture of him:

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He looks like a normal person but his legs are only as long as a loaf of bread I cropped the picture I did not want to scare you. There is a verse in the KJV Bible that talks about dwarves I do not have it marked with a Post-It Note they can not go to church and people who believe in genetics think dwarves will spawn dwarves.

Pastor Ezekiel told me that if a man and a woman are trying to have a baby they should look at a picture of Ronald Reagan and then they will have a great American baby boy he is very smart he is helping me with my estate planning I am getting on in years.

Thank you.

Rusty

P.S. I forgot to tell you about the movie the dwarf was very kind to everyone and he was sweet to children I am sorry he will not go to Heaven he seemed very nice.
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Old 03-18-2014, 11:27 AM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

I suppose dating a midget is Ok for a lark. Why not provide the midget a glimpse of hope even though you and I both know it would never amount to anything. God wants us to enjoy our liives every now and then.

Of course, no decent woman would ever marry one. God has stricken the man with being a lepercaun, and no doubt, the punishment will carry on for many more generations. If the midget is unable to plant his seed, think of the misery you will save the unborn. Besides, if he were to marry a normal woman, he'd have to uses a ladder to procreate. What kind of a real job could he get other than midget wrestling or tumbling? I do not know where you'd be able to live where they allow them, certainly not in Freehold.
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Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Old 03-18-2014, 12:53 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

This thread is ridiculous.
Why on earth would a True Christian™ Lady even think of dating one of God's freaks?
They are obviously only kept around by God for us to point at and laugh, just like folk with ginger hair.
Point him in the direction of the nearest Circus and forget this nonsense.

Even those that find Jesus and become ex-midgets will still be laughed at.

Yours with compassion as ever.
Tali
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  #5  
Old 03-18-2014, 02:59 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Sister Lamb, you are a kind generous True Christian woman. Do not be tempted. These sprites will try to steal your hot pie and produce little halfling babies. God has warned us about defiling ourselves with them:

Leviticus 21:20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;

And do not let Satan trouble you by using your pure unmarried childless body as leverage. Two wrongs do not make a right.

Romans 12:16 Be of the same mind one toward another. Mind not high things, but condescend to men of low estate. Be not wise in your own conceits.

Yours in Christ,
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  #6  
Old 03-18-2014, 04:18 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

17 Speak unto Aaron, saying, Whosoever he be of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God.
18 For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
19 Or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,
20 Or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
21 No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God. Leviticus 21:17-21
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  #7  
Old 03-18-2014, 04:37 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

As long as his proportions are okay, I don't see a problem with it. A few things to consider is that you might need to lift him up betimes, so he comes as close to heaven as you are. In addition, dwarfs do often feel lonely on their altitude, so don't forget to pat on his head to show appreciation and reassuring him of your caring.
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Old 03-18-2014, 04:41 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?
No.

True Christian Ladies shouldn't date at all. Dating tempts small brained ladies (which means all of them) to premarital sex resulting in eternal damnation.

Just marry whomever your father selects and start making soldiers for Christ. Those terrorists aren't going to kill themselves.
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Old 03-18-2014, 09:49 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Not that I would necessarily consider it personally, but should I - um - someone - date a vertically challenged man? Let's say this dwarf is striving to find JESUS? Let's say that he could be healed like our darling Midge?


This is purely hypothetical and I want no one to question that (especially 2 or 3 nosey women I know).


Pastor Ezekiel and other True Christian™ friends, please add your thoughts to this discussion.


(Elijah, dear, did you get the pie I sent you?

Surely the um, friend - for whom I write this will find someone else soon. Surely the LORD won't see fit to make her an OLD MAID and DIE ALONE, LOVELESS, and FRUSTRATED. Surely JESUS cares enough to listen to her PRAYERS - hello, Lord - are you there? But it would be good to have an answer just in case.


Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow (Here I am, Lord!)
NRL
Unequivocally YES!
I am only dwarfed on the vertical axis, not the horizontal

If your "friend" also has any pie she would like a humble dwarf to sample, I am more than willing - as long as she can supply a bib and booster seat!
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Old 03-18-2014, 09:53 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

1 Samuel 16:7 "But the LORD said unto Samuel, Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; because I have refused him: for the LORD seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the LORD looketh on the heart."

I suppose that dating a dwarf is OK so long as he is a Godly dwarf.
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Old 03-18-2014, 10:15 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dipper Man View Post

I suppose that dating a dwarf is OK
No son,datin dwarfs aint OK by a longshot.what is OK is datin my boy Wheezer.me an my kin is stuck in what some folk might call a genetic bottle-neck,i reckon. We needs some fresh blood else wheezers youngins is likely To be born with 6 testicles,which might or may not be a good thing.so stop pushin miss lambs friend into fornicatin with migits. Move over dwarf, there be somthin meatier....his name be Wheezer!
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Old 03-18-2014, 10:44 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dipper Man View Post
I suppose that dating a dwarf is OK so long as he is a Godly dwarf.
How exactly is a dwarf going to protect a decent Christian white woman from rape by an enraged Nigra buck?

Answer that, smart guy

God bless.
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Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
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Old 03-18-2014, 11:39 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr Laurence Niles View Post
How exactly is a dwarf going to protect a decent Christian white woman from rape by an enraged Nigra buck?

Answer that, smart guy

God bless.
I didn't think of that Dr.Niles. I suppose I was wrong. Deepest apologies.
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Old 03-18-2014, 11:58 PM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Not that I would necessarily consider it personally,
No dear, of course not. No one ever thought such a vile thing about you.



Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
but should I - um - someone - date a vertically challenged man?
No.

Let me explain.

1.) Ew
2.) Uh, no.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Let's say this dwarf is striving to find JESUS? Let's say that he could be healed like our darling Midge?
One can tell the tree by it's fruit, not by what its fruit might be.

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Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
(Elijah, dear, did you get the pie I sent you?)
Actually, he won't stop talking about it.



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Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Surely the um, friend - for whom I write this will find someone else soon. Surely the LORD won't see fit to make her an OLD MAID and DIE ALONE, LOVELESS, and FRUSTRATED. Surely JESUS cares enough to listen to her PRAYERS - hello, Lord - are you there? But it would be good to have an answer just in case.
The True Christian™ woman will recall that Sarah was barren and ancient, withered and saggy and smelling like Old Lady when the LORD saw to it that Adam's seed would find bountiful harvest in her otherwise dried up old womb (Genesis 21:2). Surely the True Christian™ woman would do no less than to pray and wait in faithful anticipation, without stooping (ahem) to such pathetic measures like dating a midget.

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Originally Posted by Naomi Ruth Lamb View Post
Praise God, from whom ALL blessings flow (Here I am, Lord!)
NRL
Amen, dear! THAT's the spirit! Perhaps the LORD is calling you to a different ministry: Hot Women: Dating to Save People from Hell

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Christian Dating Tips for Effective Missionary Dating
1. If he tells your that you are hot...
Tell him God made you hot.
2. If he wants to hold your hand...
Give him a Bible.
3. If he tries to get closer...
Tell him the Holy Spirit is wooing him.
4. If he asks to pay for dinner...
Remind him that Jesus also paid a debt He did not owe!
5. If he reaches his arm around you...
Tell him that nobody will ever be as close to you as Jesus is.
(or ask him if you instead could "lay hands" on him in prayer)
6. If he tries to kiss you...
Remind him that a kiss killed your Savior.
(and you're not ready to "speak in tongues")
7. If he asks to come inside...
Ask him if he has asked Jesus to come inside his heart.
8. If he tells you he loves you...
Tell him that Jesus loves him.
9. If he gets angry that you won't put out...
Clarify to him that W.W.J.D. does NOT mean "Who would Jesus Do."
10. After you dump him...
Tell him that Jesus Christ will never leave or forsake him
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  #15  
Old 03-19-2014, 02:42 AM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

One of the best things about being married is being able to go to church together. If you married a dwarf, he wouldn't be able to come to Sunday services with you.

Leviticus 21:18-23
For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous,
or a man that is brokenfooted, or brokenhanded,
or crookbackt, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken;
no man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the Lord made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.
He shall eat the bread of his God, both of the most holy, and of the holy.
Only he shall not go in unto the vail, nor come nigh unto the altar, because he hath a blemish; that he profane not my sanctuaries: for I the Lord do sanctify them.
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II Thessalonians 1:7-9
And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels,
In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ:
Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power



The man who is being progressively sanctified will inescapably sanctify his home, school, politics, economics, science, and all things else by understanding and interpreting all things in terms of the Word of God and by bringing all things under the Dominion of Christ the King. -R.J. Rushdoony
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  #16  
Old 03-20-2014, 03:32 AM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

Christian woman do not date! My Grandfather would rollover in his grave. On top of that "dating" a midget ooopsss "small person"

They are a blemish on God's wonderful creation and are certainly a spawn of the Satan. I often wonder what the midgets parents did to cause God to curse them with such a "child".

Leviticus 21:18
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Old 03-20-2014, 05:06 AM
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Default Re: Should a True Christian Date a Dwarf?

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Originally Posted by TaraAnne View Post
I often wonder what the midgets parents did to cause God to curse them with such a "child".
They were both registered Democrats

BTW, have you reconsidered my proposal? I'm always here for you!
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