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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

View Poll Results: What results did you get from the quiz?
I am a perfect Christian and am going to Heaven! Praise Jesus! 782 93.32%
I am filthy unsaved scum who deserves to burn in Hell. 56 6.68%
Voters: 838. You may not vote on this poll

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  #301  
Old 01-12-2014, 03:40 AM
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MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
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MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!MitzaLizalor will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Well, I don't do any preaching but am happy to post Scripture occasionally (I haven't been brave enough to take the quiz yet). At night I'm able to witness locally by handing out tracts and doing what I can since this is a particularly heathen environment with wretches lurking in the forest and rear of any disused buildings. There is street lighting and I like to wear nice cheerful clothes so as not to be confused with the scumbags for whom I pray. I think they read the tracts, but suspect they are mocking me. Well, more than suspect. They laugh openly, leering horribly.

The Bible is such a comfort
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  #302  
Old 01-12-2014, 03:43 AM
see_the_light see_the_light is offline
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see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.see_the_light is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
I think they read the tracts, but suspect they are mocking me. Well, more than suspect. They laugh openly, leering horribly.

The Bible is such a comfort
Don't despair, if they are darkie ones they probably cannot read and laugh at your innocence in thinking they might.

And yes the KJV is the one good hard comfort that we feel deep inside.

PRAISE THE LORD!
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  #303  
Old 03-12-2014, 05:39 PM
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John Allen has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.John Allen has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.John Allen has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.John Allen has got mom and a couple of family members to click the rep button.
Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever

Wow! That was close! But I got a 100 so apparently I am going to Heaven. I still believe that only time will tell and I should not take this for granted, but I will do my best to remain on the right path.
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Here is proof that homosexuality is indeed a sin, for all those out there saying otherwise. Got a problem with it? Romans 9:20
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  #304  
Old 03-13-2014, 11:53 PM
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Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Scary stuff there! I was one point away from being damned!
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  #305  
Old 03-20-2014, 01:26 PM
CrusaderIntel CrusaderIntel is offline
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CrusaderIntel is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.CrusaderIntel is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Unhappy Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

I am a Catholic. I have been a Catholic for a majority of my life. The teachings of Jesus have guided me through my life, and not once have they ever spoken to me as hateful. I hope -- no, I pray -- that everyone who has an account here is being sarcastic. I can't stand to read this forum.

Alright, listen up. You're probably already aware by the tone of this post that I'm aiming to get banned, but I'd like to say something to anyone here who actually takes this website seriously: What God are you worshiping? The God that I know has not ever told me that it's acceptable to beat my girlfriend because she doesn't obey me. In fact, I openly welcome her free thought. It goes so far as to say that I like it when she acts dominant on occasion. I'm pretty sure God's okay with that, seeing as I haven't been fried with any lightning bolts yet. Functional, Godly relationships are not created through the submission of one party to the other, at the risk of punishment by the other. That's BDSM culture. I really, really hope that all of you are being entirely satirical. And I'm not posting this to argue or to troll or anything of the like. I'm legitimately concerned for the state of Christianity based on what I've seen here, and since I've seen things similar stated in complete sincerity by other sects of the Baptist church, I don't doubt for a moment that at least one of you didn't get the memo and is taking all this completely seriously. God does not want us to hate others. He does not want us to treat women as inferiors. He created us all equal, yes? Should we not then treat all people equally? It seems as though that would be the Godly thing to do. If this is true, it would mean that racism (treating other races as inferior in some way or another), sexism (inequality of the sexes), and all the other bigoted views I have seen supported here would all be ungodly. He would consider them to be sinful. I suggest any of you who truly take the words on this forum seriously should take a while alone to pray, without your King James Bible. Just pray and talk to God for a while. You need it badly.

Additionally, while there are a lot of questions on this specific post that angered me, there were a couple in particular that pissed me off. "Christians cannot sin"? Excuse me? We are all sinners. Each and every single one of us. Just because we have accepted Jesus Christ as our lord and savoir does not save us from being sinners. This is why we must repent. Every one of us does wrong in our lives, some more so than others. God will forgive us if we just ask Him. Ask an ye shall receive, no? "Women should shut up" I have a problem with in the first place. I have met many a woman who vastly surpasses the intelligence of the majority of men I have met. My girlfriend is among them. She is an absolutely brilliant mind, with more things to say and more valid points than many a theologian in this world. And she's younger than I am. I treat her as my equal. She is not better than me, she is not inferior to me. In fact, I actually believe her to be a better person than I most of the time. But when you've saved a handful of people from suicide like I have, you're allowed a little pride in your achievements. I would never tell her to shut up. I would never be angry with her for disobeying me. I don't expect her to obey me at all. I'm not her lord. That's Jesus Christ, just the same as it is for me. THIS IS WHAT GOD WANTS OF US. DO NOT ABUSE WOMEN. DO NOT TREAT THEM, OR ANY OTHER TYPE OF PEOPLE, AS INFERIOR TO YOU. DO NOT ACT AS THOUGH YOU CANNOT SIN. IF YOU BELIEVE YOURSELF TO BE TRULY PERFECT AND RIGHTEOUS IN EVERY WAY, THAT MIGHT JUST BE YOUR UNDOING AND YOUR TICKET TO HELL. Although I sincerely believe that few, if any at all, make it into Hell. I think I've said enough now. Feel free to nail me to the cross over this. You'd simply be acting as the Romans did before toward Jesus Christ, your supposed "Lord".

tl;dr I really hope that you're not as bigoted as you seem.

inb4 persecution for my beliefs. If you're going to reply to me at all, let's actually have a rational discussion rather than everyone on this God-forsaken forum condemning me to Hell.
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  #306  
Old 03-20-2014, 01:35 PM
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Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Hello dear and welcome. Well, you said it yourself:

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrusaderIntel View Post
tl;dr
But before you intrude off-topic to berate us, why not start your own thread on our Introductory Forum? That is where we get to know you. Please follow the instructions at the top of the page, which I will paste below.

Quote:
Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.
I look forward to getting to know you.

YiC
AW
__________________
2 Timothy 3:16

All scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:


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  #307  
Old 03-20-2014, 01:43 PM
CrusaderIntel CrusaderIntel is offline
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CrusaderIntel is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.CrusaderIntel is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Fine. Done. You'll have to forgive my urgency, I'm quite honestly unnerved by this.
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  #308  
Old 04-13-2014, 02:20 AM
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DemonThinker96 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.DemonThinker96 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

More like, 0-10: Heaven

10-100: Hell


God doesn't love close minded hypocrites
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  #309  
Old 04-13-2014, 02:25 AM
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Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by FreeThinker96 View Post
More like, 0-10: Heaven

10-100: Hell


God doesn't love close minded hypocrites
Which is exactly why all non-believers are going to burn in hellfire for all eternity. GLORY!
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #310  
Old 04-23-2014, 05:57 AM
Landon Hunter Landon Hunter is offline
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Landon Hunter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Landon Hunter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Landon Hunter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Landon Hunter is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
Phew!

I just squeaked by with a 100!
Rev. Osborne, a test of faith like this is a scary thing but I suppose God wants us to prove our commitment.
here's a link to another one (it's Heaven or Hell to)http://www.answerbuddy.com/heaven-or-hell-test just if you want to take it.
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  #311  
Old 04-23-2014, 08:54 AM
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Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

How about making an introduction of yourself in the appropriate section of the forum?
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  #312  
Old 04-23-2014, 10:09 AM
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WWJDnow WWJDnow is offline
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Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrusaderIntel View Post
I am a Catholic. I have been a Catholic for a majority of my life. The teachings of Jesus have guided me through my life, and not once have they ever spoken to me as hateful.
In Matthew 11:21-24, Jesus told the cities of Chorazin and Bethsaida and Capernaum that He would bring His wrath down upon them because they scoffed at His miracles. So, as you imitate Christ, how do you put those verses into effect?

Quote:
The God that I know has not ever told me that it's acceptable to beat my girlfriend because she doesn't obey me. In fact, I openly welcome her free thought. It goes so far as to say that I like it when she acts dominant on occasion.
So you're a Catholic and, it sounds like, a queer. You're almost certainly beyond redemption.

Quote:
Functional, Godly relationships are not created through the submission of one party to the other
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22

It's tedious explaining Christianity to Catholics, because you study useless rituals and saint worship in catechism instead of reading the Bible. For once in your life, would You just stop eating the pablum that your priests feed you and use your brain?

Quote:
He created us all equal, yes?
Where in the name of all that's Holy did you get that notion?

For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren. Romans 8:29

Quote:
"Christians cannot sin"? Excuse me? We are all sinners. Each and every single one of us. Just because we have accepted Jesus Christ as our lord and savoir does not save us from being sinners. This is why we must repent.
Yes, we are all sinners, because Adam and Eve disobeyed God. That doesn't mean that we can keep on sinning after we are saved. I have not committed a single sin since Jesus spread His sweet-smelling blood on me. Of course, Catholics can sin, because you aren't Christians.

Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin.... 1 Peter 4:4

Quote:
I have met many a woman who vastly surpasses the intelligence of the majority of men I have met. My girlfriend is among them.
Then why is she still with you?

Quote:
In fact, I actually believe her to be a better person than I most of the time.
That we all believe. Not that you've set that bar especially high.
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  #313  
Old 05-04-2014, 09:28 AM
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Beast666 Beast666 is offline
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Beast666 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Beast666 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Beast666 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

This is odd. I never knew you guys believed in secular law!:t humbdown:
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  #314  
Old 05-04-2014, 12:32 PM
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MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
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Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

well. I didn't think for a moment you'd have complied with the signup requirement (to post an introduction)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beast666 View Post
odd. I never knew you guys believed in secular law!
..and you haven't. Then when you've done that, perhaps you'd like to read this:
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  #315  
Old 05-04-2014, 04:44 PM
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Beast666 Beast666 is offline
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Location: I live in Hell. Nice place. You should come visit me.
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Beast666 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Beast666 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Beast666 is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Busy day for me. LBC, please Please PLEASE try to convert more sinners, my job tires me like hell...oh wait.
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  #316  
Old 05-20-2014, 02:54 PM
TrueChristianNotFake's Avatar
TrueChristianNotFake TrueChristianNotFake is offline
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Angry Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

You people should be ashamed of yourselves for insulting true Christians and God. You people will be the ones burning in hell. I dont care if you really believe and this is a joke, or if you dont believe you need to stop with this hate.
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  #317  
Old 05-20-2014, 03:03 PM
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Pastor Isaac Peters Pastor Isaac Peters is offline
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Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueChristianNotFake View Post
You people should be ashamed of yourselves for insulting true Christians and God. You people will be the ones burning in hell. I dont care if you really believe and this is a joke, or if you dont believe you need to stop with this hate.
Dear friend:

I trust that you can back up what you say with Scripture.
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This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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  #318  
Old 05-20-2014, 03:11 PM
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TrueChristianNotFake TrueChristianNotFake is offline
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Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Isaac Peters View Post
Dear friend:

I trust that you can back up what you say with Scripture.
One show Jesus you love him by liking landover baptist church on facebook is not in revelations. And as well you say Jesus said that most people will go to hell, not once did the Lord say this. Jesus loves everyone and if I know my God he would be hurt by this site. Save your daughter the Christian way have her raped. ARE YOU JOKING!!! Black people were not put here to be the white mans slaves. Im reporting this site.
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  #319  
Old 05-20-2014, 03:19 PM
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Alphonse Alban Alphonse Alban is offline
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Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueChristianNotFake View Post
Im reporting this site.
Oh, not the report!

What are you going to tell to the infamous Internet Police? That there is this group of Christians that follows the Bible?
Good luck with that report.
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  #320  
Old 05-20-2014, 03:22 PM
Pastor Isaac Peters's Avatar
Pastor Isaac Peters Pastor Isaac Peters is offline
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Ex-liberal; converted to True Christianity™
Always Biblically correct
 

1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts Saved 1 Year True Christian™ Publisher's Choice True Heterosexual™ The Al E. Pistle Award for Excellence in Rebuking Tithing Manager Christian Love Ex-Mary Worshipper Long service medal, 2nd class Senior Pastor Heaven Bound Tagging for Jesus TC Bravery Protected by JESUS Pastor of GOD Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Ready for the Rapture Ex-liberal True Christian Caucasian Teabag Patriot Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork Outreach preacher True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus 

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Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Isaac Peters will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: QUIZ: "Am I going to HEAVEN or HELL?" Most accurate test ever!

Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueChristianNotFake View Post
One show Jesus you love him by liking landover baptist church on facebook is not in revelations. And as well you say Jesus said that most people will go to hell, not once did the Lord say this.
Yes, He did:

[Matthew 7:13-14 KJV] 13 Enter ye in at the strait gate: for wide [is] the gate, and broad [is] the way, that leadeth to destruction, and many there be which go in thereat: 14 Because strait [is] the gate, and narrow [is] the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.

Quote:
Jesus loves everyone
Jesus is God, and God hates all workers of iniquity:

[Psalm 5:4-5 KJV] 4 For thou [art] not a God that hath pleasure in wickedness: neither shall evil dwell with thee. 5 The foolish shall not stand in thy sight: thou hatest all workers of iniquity.

Quote:
and if I know my God
You evidently don't.

Quote:
Im reporting this site.
I'm so scared! People routinely make threats like that, and yet we're still here. Would you like to guess why?
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This church is dedicated to preaching True Christianity™ and the King James Bible exactly as they are, with no alterations to make them more politically correct for modern liberals. If you think that we've misquoted or twisted Scripture or quoted any verse out of context, please explain in detail how we've done so. Otherwise, if what you read on this site offends you, then you're offended by Almighty God and His Word, not by us.

Questions to ask liberal "Christians"Things that the Bible doesn't sayTolerance

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