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  #461  
Old 06-10-2014, 06:59 PM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Perhaps ndrew777 has an idea?

We've installed cameras in teh women's restrooms in case of terrorism, so maybe we could set up cameras in each of our bedrooms/bathrooms at our homes. This would be on a voluntary bases of course. And we'd promise to remain handsfree, if you get my meaning.

It'd be like a buddy system -- you'd never know if someone was watching, so you wouldn't do it. That way, if anyone relapsed, everyone would or could see it.

I dont see how this could go wrong!
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  #462  
Old 06-11-2014, 12:23 AM
AboBibleMocker AboBibleMocker is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alphonse Alban View Post
Oh, no. You got it all wrong. It's not just because we dislike it, it's because God hates it.

WELL LORD SHIVA HATES YOU BUDDY!
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  #463  
Old 06-11-2014, 12:50 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleLover29 View Post
WELL LORD SHIVA HATES YOU BUDDY!


I'm sure you can find a cow-molesting elephant-worshiping forum more to your liking if you want to.
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  #464  
Old 06-11-2014, 01:00 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleLover29 View Post
WELL LORD SHIVA HATES YOU BUDDY!
Unsupported claims are not welcome here.

You should have quoted the appropriate Veda (in English please, not Sanskrit [Brother Alphonse is multilingual, but we all have limits]) or whatever and specified which exact incarnation of Shiva is displeased (afaik, Hindu gods don't bother actually hating individual humans, because we're so insignificant).

Why don't you just toddle right along and set up your own website for True Hindus™ listing all the things Shiva, Hanuman, Ramalamadingdong, and the rest of that ridiculously bloated panoply hate (mostly each other, and as there are like 800 of them it keeps them too busy to bother dealing with this mortal plane, from what I've heard)?
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  #465  
Old 06-11-2014, 02:28 PM
nDrew777 nDrew777 is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by JustGotSaved View Post
Perhaps ndrew777 has an idea?

We've installed cameras in teh women's restrooms in case of terrorism, so maybe we could set up cameras in each of our bedrooms/bathrooms at our homes. This would be on a voluntary bases of course. And we'd promise to remain handsfree, if you get my meaning.

It'd be like a buddy system -- you'd never know if someone was watching, so you wouldn't do it. That way, if anyone relapsed, everyone would or could see it.

I dont see how this could go wrong!
I agree, that would be great.
But if someone hasn't camera yet, he/she still can join the Accountability group, based upon faith. If someone really wants to be free, he/she will admit, even if nobody sees him/her.

I write down again, because nobody hasn't added me to Skype.
My skype name is: [SALES OF PERSONAL INFORMATION ARE NOT ALLOWED ON GOD'S FAVORITE FORUM]
If you want to start an "anti-masturbation" Accountability group with me, just add me and we can speak about it.

Last edited by Mary Etheldreda; 06-11-2014 at 03:09 PM. Reason: removal of personal spam
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  #466  
Old 06-12-2014, 01:39 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.

Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.
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  #467  
Old 06-12-2014, 02:03 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by lesdong chingchong View Post
Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.
Of course you do. You probably use kittens for sling-shot practice, too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by lesdong chingchong View Post
Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.
Impossible. A True Christian™ neither rapes, nor gets raped. Since m**********n is naught but self-rape, no self-respecting True Christian™ would be even remotely interested. Sin holds no temptation over us.
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  #468  
Old 06-15-2014, 07:27 AM
nDrew777 nDrew777 is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by lesdong chingchong View Post
Masturbation isn't a sin. I take great pleasure in rubbing one out, ripping the head off it etc etc.

Masturbation us enjoyed by many True Christians worldwide.
Masturbation is:

  • Genocide: killing millions of cells, which may have become humans.
  • Selfishness: doing it for your own pleasure
  • Fornication: "That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart" (Matthey 5,28)
  • It may cause weak vision or blindness
  • It may cause hairy hands
  • It may cause acnes
  • and anyway, its is Disgusting, and separates from God.
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  #469  
Old 08-21-2014, 03:48 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION


Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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  #470  
Old 08-25-2014, 03:38 PM
nDrew777 nDrew777 is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.


That is great Pastor Ezekiel.
How much does it cost, and how to order it?
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  #471  
Old 08-26-2014, 02:21 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
I'll take the lot!

When used in conjunction with one of these anti-sodomy barriers:



We might just be able to cure perversion once and for all, God willing.

The only downside to the anti-sodomy barrier, I have found, is that once inserted it protrudes conspicuously, forcing one to wear a spandex unitard to accommodate it. Even then, passers by may shout rude things like, "hey, papa smurf! How's it hangin'? HaHaHahahahaha!!!"

Jesus will laugh last, and He will laugh best!
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  #472  
Old 08-26-2014, 03:53 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
The only downside to the anti-sodomy barrier, I have found, is that once inserted it protrudes conspicuously, forcing one to wear a spandex unitard to accommodate it.
You might not be inserting it the right way.
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  #473  
Old 08-26-2014, 05:54 AM
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post

Good news, boys! The LBC Men's Supply Store just got a new shipment of Dr. Abernathy's Anti-Masturbation Harness And Genital Pouches in.
Glory! That is the very device that my parents used to help me kick my habit. It's a great alternative to castration or amputation.

Does anyone in here happen to know how to remove an Abernathy device without the razor blades snapping shut?
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  #474  
Old 08-26-2014, 05:55 AM
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WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!WWJDnow will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

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Originally Posted by WWJDnow View Post
Glory! That is the very device that my parents used to help me kick my habit. It's a great alternative to castration or amputation.

Does anyone in here happen to know how to remove an Abernathy device without the razor blades snapping shut?
I figured it would just rust away after 10 years or so, but old Doc Abernathy made a very high quality product.
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  #475  
Old 09-04-2014, 09:32 PM
nDrew777 nDrew777 is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Brothers.

I don't know, how to proove it, but I haven't been masturbating for more years now.
Priase Jesus, I am clean.

I didn't ask this before, but ...

If you agree with me ...

Can I get "ex-masturbator" title?
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  #476  
Old 09-05-2014, 04:11 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by nDrew777 View Post

Can I get "ex-masturbator" title?
I'm not sure you can afford it.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #477  
Old 09-05-2014, 12:17 PM
nDrew777 nDrew777 is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I'm not sure you can afford it.
I had a dream last night.
God told me, that I am ex-masturbator now.
And He told me, that I ask you for this title.

So, please, Give me "ex-masturbator" title, this is God's will.

I'm sure, you are obedient, true christian, who always does God's will perfectly.
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  #478  
Old 09-05-2014, 01:04 PM
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Nobar King Nobar King is offline
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
I'm not sure you can afford it.
He has a lot of extra commas, maybe he can sell those.
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  #479  
Old 09-05-2014, 06:20 PM
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Basilissa Basilissa is online now
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Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by nDrew777 View Post
I had a dream last night.
God told me, that I am ex-masturbator now.
And He told me, that I ask you for this title.

So, please, Give me "ex-masturbator" title, this is God's will.

I'm sure, you are obedient, true christian, who always does God's will perfectly.
Dear Andy (may I call you Andy? Or should I say András instead?). Let me explain something to you. God spoke directly to people when the Bible was still being written, simply because the Bible was not complete yet. Nowadays we have the Bible, which contains everything that God wants us to know. He doesn't speak to people anymore, He has the Bible for that. Well, I'm sure He speaks to important people like Pastor Zeke , but He definitely does not speak to such an insignificant human being like you.

Did you understand, or should I use Google translate, sweetie?
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  #480  
Old 09-05-2014, 06:43 PM
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Didymus Much Didymus Much is offline
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Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: STEPS IN OVERCOMING MASTURBATION

Quote:
Originally Posted by Basilissa View Post
...I'm sure He speaks to important people like Pastor Zeke , but He definitely does not speak to such an insignificant human being like you...
Or you?

A more interesting thing would be to hear nDrew's explanation for why God tells him one thing (that he is an ex-mastubator and a True Christian™) but tells someone else (Zeke) something completely different.
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1 Corinthians 1:27 "But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;" The Bible confounds me; does that mean...
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