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Landover Baptist Lounge Relax, Kick your shoes off. Praise Jesus!!! (Blacks and Homosexuals strictly prohibited!)

View Poll Results: Which Module do you want to play?
Escape from the Synogogue of Satan 6 40.00%
Deep in the depths of StarbucksStan 1 6.67%
The Campus of Doom 2 13.33%
Journey to the Ghetto of Terrors 6 40.00%
Other (See comments) 0 0%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 15. You may not vote on this poll

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  #21  
Old 07-06-2014, 12:53 PM
Jeb Stuart Thurmond's Avatar
Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Didymus Much View Post
Did she pick me back up before that? Do I take another 1d6?
No, you passed a saving roll. You must have landed on a non-vital bodypart, like your head.

Anyway, Zeke has loaned the party his old Learjet, and after a very long pat-down of Alphose, (should we make up names or would that just be too confusing?) you lift off, on your quest to the Synogogue of Satan. It's a very long flight, since we live in the middle of Real America, where salt-of-the earth patriots live by the sweat of their brow, unlike Jew York with it's slick, swindling elitist conspiracy. Time to teach those parasitic intellectuals, those unpatriotic, rootless cosmopolitans, that work will set you free.

TheLittleBoy (who is not actually a zombie, Jesus is the only undead creature in the game) seems to like fresh air, he thought he could sit on the wing. He falls on the runway, losing 20 hit points, which should kill him but a successful constitution saving roll means he survives, paralized, on the runway.

I guess he thought all those fancy items could save him. But they were cheap Chinese knock-offs, since of course no first-level character would be able to afford that stuff. And don't say you inherited them, under Obama's communist dictatorship, the enterprising American dream of inheriting a fortune rugged-individual-style has been killed by death taxes.

By swallowing ants that crawl into his mouth, he recovers one hit point. But here come the crows....

Meanwhile at JFK International Airport, named after a previous president guilty of treason, the party is split up, lost in a crowd formed by the uncontrollable flood of muslim immigrants.

What do you do? What do you do?
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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 07-10-2014 at 03:54 PM.
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  #22  
Old 07-06-2014, 01:56 PM
Elmer G. White's Avatar
Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
Meanwhile at JFK International Airport, named after a previous president guilty of treason, the party is split up, lost in a crowd formed by the uncontrollable flood of muslim immigrants.

What do you do? What do you do?[/I]
We are stronger together. I must find by brethren. I am armed with my KJV and I seek for advice there.

John 13:35
By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.


Now I know! I ask the men of Jew York if they love me, and those who love must be my Brethren.

Matthew 7:7
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:


I must knock at doors. My Brethren must be behind them.

I am also worried. I try to munch a ham sandwich while walking the mooslimed corridors. The adversary is a cunning one.

Revelation 2:9
I know thy works, and tribulation, and poverty, (but thou art rich) and I know the blasphemy of them which say they are Jews, and are not, but are the synagogue of Satan.


There are too many mooselimbs. I am waning. I wave my KJV and the ham sandwich frantically.

Yours in Christ,

Elmer
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  #23  
Old 07-07-2014, 02:43 PM
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Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

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  #24  
Old 07-07-2014, 03:59 PM
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Alphonse Alban Alphonse Alban is offline
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
What do you do? What do you do?[/I]
I do my best to hide all the fruits and cutlery from airport security I pickpocketed (as per my racial features) from the modest pastoral Learjet.

Immediately I start looking for opportunities to satisfy my 2 basic needs, getting my semen fix and to steal an apple pie from a window sill.

(I'm fine by being Nigra Alphonse for the means of the game)
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  #25  
Old 07-07-2014, 04:41 PM
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
Due to his ever-diligent application of top-quality antiperspirant, no, but around his neck is a cross so impressive it makes Flava-Flav's neckware look downright dainty. It's made from a metal so valuable, the place that mines it uses platinum as packing peanuts.

With a voice like thunder, he says:

"Patriots, in the far away land of the People's Republic of DesMoinstan, in that sweltering urban jungle, deep in that moist and humid nether-region, lurks a secret that must be uncovered. Hidden in ACORN HQ is a stolen Ballot Box that proves Sarah Palin, and therefore Jesus, won the 2008 election. Also Obama's Kenyan birth certificate. And his Iraqi birth certificate also. These artifacts must be recovered, if you fail the world will be destroyed. By which I mean America will be destroyed, and probably also some parts of Canada, since they're mostly downhill from us. Win and the universe is saved. Also, you'll get 200 Experience points, so you'll probably level up."

Edit: A note about races: Dwarves are not allowed, because God hates them. (Leviticus 21:17-23) Oompa-Loompas are okay, I guess. Monsterous races are okay, but until I get used to this game let's stick to monsters that are Biblically proven to exist in real life.

A note about classes: You don't have to be wealthy to be an adventurer. A level 1 "Blue Collar" gets $50 an hour or whatever minimum wage is, plus you get extra thief skills (because you've gotten practise stealing from your employer).

Can i be a post apolypitic mutant? I always wanted to play a mutant! Or some other kind of cross-breed. Maybe a nephalim? They're biblically true!
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  #26  
Old 07-07-2014, 04:48 PM
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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elmer G. White View Post
There are too many mooselimbs. I am waning. I wave my KJV and the ham sandwich frantically.
A darkie sees your ham sandwich, and, thanks to the powers in his Nike Sneakers of Uncanny Dexterity +2, grabs it from you and swallows it whole.

"That ain't enough!" he hollars.

The crowd starrts chanting. "Just say no to inadequate welfare payments!"

"You call this reparations, bee-eye-atch?" A mob starts to form, as they use noise to work themselves into a frenzy.

The Mob will probably deal 2d6 of damage per round if someone doesn't stop them. But where is everybody? What are they doing?

Nigra Alphose is probably in the crowd somewhere, but it's hard to tell since they all look the same.

A crow has landed a critical hit on The LittleBoy's left eyeball, picking it right out. Another crow fights with it, inflicting 1 hit point of damage on crow #1. It drops the eyeball, which rolls onto an anthill.
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Last edited by Jeb Stuart Thurmond; 08-21-2014 at 09:09 AM.
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  #27  
Old 07-07-2014, 05:01 PM
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Elmer G. White Elmer G. White is offline
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jeb Stuart Thurmond View Post
A darkie sees your ham sandwich, and, thanks to the powers in his Nike Sneakers of Uncanny Dexterity +2, grabs it from you and swallows it whole.

"That ain't enough!" he hollars.

The crowd starrts chanting. "Just say no in inadequate welfare payments!"

"You call this reparations, bee-eye-atch?" A mob starts to form, as they use noise to work themselves into a frenzy.
I shall NOT surrender. The ham sandwich failed me but I have the final weapon.



I start to PRAY that my enemies scatter!

Psalms 59:9
Because of his strength will I wait upon thee: for God is my defence.

Psalms 59:11
Slay them not, lest my people forget: scatter them by thy power; and bring them down, O Lord our shield.


At least I am at peace, come what may!

Yours in Christ,

Elmer
__________________
Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
2 Kings 18:25 Am I now come up without the LORD against this place to destroy it? The LORD said to me, Go up against this land, and destroy it.

How to teach children FACTS instead of FICTION! Show them how God CREATES new animals all the time!
Never EVER
allow life support or CPR if you do not want to lose your place in HEAVEN!

Follow my adventures in Godless France: Day 1 (cavities), Day 2 (cat licks), Day 3 (Turd of France), Day 4 (Answered prayers).
Dolphins may be 'cute' but they are also HOMOSEXUALS CORRUPTED by SATAN!
Do you think God is not 'nice'? Check HERE and LEARN what the difference between human 'good' and GOD's RIGHTEOUS is!
Find out the TRUTH about 'homeopathy'.
See for yourself: mathematics proves homosexuality SATANIC!
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  #28  
Old 07-08-2014, 09:04 AM
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MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
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Default Journey to the Ghetto of Terrors

Quote:
Having checked out what happens in a ghetto (& noted how shininess is often almost always invariably not associated with dissociated from antipong) I now feel able to tick-a-box in the poll and to be honest it's probably best not to look at the heads during research in this area.
Race:.......... Human-hybrid.............. Genesis 6:2
Class:......... 0......................... Galatians 3:28
Alignment:..... Costumes and adornment.... II Kings 22:14
Profession:.... Good before many witnesses I Timothy 6:12
Powers:........ Taste..................... Hebrews 6:5
Items of Power: ...........................Job 6:30
Weapons:....... Paddles................... Deuteronomy 23:13
Armor:......... Non-carnality............. II Corinthians 10:4





Emerging from the ghetto and failing to identify Mr Alban by behavioural profile I spot a trustworthy face.

Although frightened by the noise and some unusual herbal fragrances (especially in the light of my recent enquiries where ideas never occurring to me before were explained in excessive detail) I manage to crawl unnoticed towards this [possible] rock through an ocean of unexpected vigour.

Just as I'm about to stand up, having identified my quarry by footwear, a most peculiar aroma suffuses the air at ground level and I feel as though I am falling.

..A descent into The Maelström.

. . Electric shocks and echoes.
In desperation I cling to the solidly contructed boot hoping that it leads me like the gentle zephyr out from this abyss and sails me to the light once more.

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  #29  
Old 08-21-2014, 09:07 AM
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Jeb Stuart Thurmond Jeb Stuart Thurmond is offline
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

Sorry for not keeping up, I might have bitten off more than I can chew. If anyone else wants to be SM, please volunteer now.

I think I've lost inspiration due to the negativity, all the focus on, well, sleasepits and sinners.

Anyone want to play Heavenhalls And Halos? It's basically the same, only set in heaven, and similar heavenly places. A good starting campaign is Zeke's Summer Retreat, and I'm willing to lend the hardcover edition. Be sure to bring a lugguge lifter when you come get it, because it's pretty heavy. It's got as many pages as the actual bible, after all. Here's the map:

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  #30  
Old 08-22-2014, 01:11 AM
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Godfly Godfly is offline
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

I want in!


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Old 09-11-2014, 12:49 PM
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Default Re: Let's play Sleasepits And Sinners, the Christian alternative to Dungeons and Dragons

The idea is to stay as far from Hell as possible
Not to see how close we can get without being burned
It could be that a 'good' RPG is plausible
Yet, not likely from the lessons that I've learned
There's too much danger in these games for the likes of me
I'm afraid from all such wicked things the only answer is to flee



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