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Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

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Old 04-21-2010, 02:30 AM
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Angry Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

THINK ABOUT THAT next time you are feeling randy and want to molest yourself.

For 30 seconds of pleasure you will spend an ETERNITY in HELL. If you are a male (as most masturbators are) All the the souls in the sperm you spilled will ALSO SPEND ETERNITY IN HELL. Yes, that is right! All your unborn sperms souls go to HELL too!

DON'T DO THE CRIME IF YOU CAN'T DO THE TIME!

1 Corinthians 6:18
"Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body."





Next time you feel the urge to molest yourself, the Bible says you are better off cutting off that part of your body than to risk going to HELL.

Matthew 5:30


30And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into HELL.






THINK ABOUT THAT PERVERTS. JESUS IS WATCHING YOU!


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  #2  
Old 04-21-2010, 02:37 AM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth and Eternity in HELL?

Being an ex-masturbater myself, I know the pain of breaking the cycle of self abuse. Your bottom parts feel sooooo full and you're sure even a breeze will send you over the edge.

That's why I turned to lucid dreaming. I learned that nocturnal emissions weren't my fault.
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:02 AM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

I never saw the point in partaking of an activity that leaves you dirty and ashamed afterward. The fact that it's a SIN makes it all the more reason to put it out of your mind.

Gal. 5
[16] This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
[17] For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.


Heaven and Hell are certainties. Why risk your eternal soul for a few moments of unsatisfying and unnecessary work?
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:04 AM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

I found that the 6 years I have spent not touching myself "down there" or thinking impure thoughts not only saves me from God's mighty and bountiful vengeance on my soul, it also makes the word of God so much easier to understand.

Praise to Jesus!!
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:27 AM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
If you are a male (as most masturbators are) All the the souls in the sperm you spilled will ALSO SPEND ETERNITY IN HELL. Yes, that is right! All your unborn sperms souls go to HELL too!
This is an important point. Masturbation is not just a sin against yourself and God, but others, in this case, sperm souls. Each time you masturbate, you are killing upwards of 600 million human souls! That's 10x the amounts of deaths of everyone in World War II....each time you ejaculate.

Masturbators are literally worse than Stalin. Masturbation is murder and unless you repent of your sins, you will go to Hell.

Revelation 21:8 But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.

But some people are confused about this. Why would sperm souls go to Hell? They are innocent, right? Wrong. The Bible makes it clear that the only way to get to Heaven is to accept Jesus Christ as your savior. Since sperm have not accepted Christ, they automatically go to Hell. Just like unborn babies and retarded people.

Psalm 51:5 Behold, I was shapen in iniquity; and in sin did my mother conceive me.

The Bible says even before we are born we are worthless sinners deserving of Hell. Since sperms have not accepted Christ as their savior, the only place they can go is straight to Hell.

Something else to think about is this: The majority of souls in Hell are sperm souls. There are more sperm than adult people in Hell. If the average ejaculation is 500 million sperm, and a sinning hellbound man on averages 5,000 ejaculations in his lifetime, that is a total lifetime sperm count of 2.5 Trillion Sperm Souls sent to Hell. Per adult male human.

For every male sinner in Hell there are 2.5 trillion sperms. That is why it is called Hell. Because there is nothing but sperm everywhere.
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Old 04-21-2010, 04:12 AM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

OMG Rev Jim!!! Do you suppose that all the sperm souls are causing Global Warming because they are taking up so much space in HELL and causing it to overflow by seeping out of lava tubes and causing volcanic explosions?

Have the Icelanders wanked sooooo much and sent soooo many unborn sperm souls to HELL that HELL Sperm is literally being spewed out in to the air we breath? Just think of all the poor Brits who are choking in Icelander Sperm by inhaling the sperm soul cloud and all the planes that have been grounded because they are covered in Icelandic sperm souls.

Maybe all these sperm souls causing Global Warming will soon bring upon the RAPTURE!

It could happen!!!


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Old 04-21-2010, 11:09 AM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
OMG Rev Jim!!! Do you suppose that all the sperm souls are causing Global Warming because they are taking up so much space in HELL and causing it to overflow by seeping out of lava tubes and causing volcanic explosions?
I fear Sister that it is worse than that; every time someone touches themselves "down there" and spills his seed they commit the vicious murder of thousands upon thousands of souls! Just to think of what we hear happens in "Adult" video stores just makes me sick. Those places are such vile businesses celebrating this deplorable practice while millions of unborn souls are disposed of on their floors. Oh Jesus! Let your wrath flow on the masturbator!!!!

Glory Be!!
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Old 04-21-2010, 11:50 AM
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Unhappy Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Purge the Unfaithful View Post
Just to think of what we hear happens in "Adult" video stores just makes me sick. Those places are such vile businesses celebrating this deplorable practice while millions of unborn souls are disposed of on their floors.
Mr.Purge, i be cryings for all them pore liddle unborned souls that not get no christain burials, i thinks they needs to be wipeds up off of them floors an tooked to a cemeterys where they each get puts into a liddle tiny coffins an burieds
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:13 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Hand View Post
I never saw the point in partaking of an activity that leaves you dirty and ashamed afterward. The fact that it's a SIN makes it all the more reason to put it out of your mind.

Gal. 5
[16] This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
[17] For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.


Heaven and Hell are certainties. Why risk your eternal soul for a few moments of unsatisfying and unnecessary work?

Well Duh ...No wonder YOU feel this way... With your screen name it's obvious somebody following Biblical instruction, cut you off and threw you away.

Praise Be Amen.
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Old 04-21-2010, 03:50 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

As noted by the infraction.... I have shamed myself by insulting a True Christian. I apologize to Mr.The Hand. I prostrate myself before this hallowed assemblage so that ye may let the spittle,slings and arrows fly as they so righteously should. I'll then take my upstart , lowly self and slink off to a darkened corner where I shall contemplate and reflect upon the error of my ways and seek the resolve to sin no more.

Amen.

P.S. I also apologize to Bible Thumpin' Blonde for besmirching her thread with my presence on it.
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Old 04-21-2010, 05:02 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Sperm is literally being spewed out in to the air we breath?
I have just been stricken by a frightening thought: What if this means that the large, billowing clouds of gas and ash are full of AIDs?

Of course most people in Europe already have AIDs, but what if it drifts over to America? We won't be able to go outside or run air conditioners for months!

What if that volcano was actually set off by Icelandic extremists to infect the world with AIDs? We need to contact the FBI about this!
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Old 04-21-2010, 08:47 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

All I can say is consider these facts by well known medical professionals regarding Onanism.

Quote:
Testimony of Eminent Authors. -- Says a medical writer, "In my opinion, neither the plague, nor war, nor small-pox, nor similar diseases, have produced results so disastrous to humanity as the pernicious habit of Onanism; it is the destroying element of civilized societies, which is constantly in action, and gradually undermines the health of a nation."
Quote:
"The sin of self-pollution, which is generally considered to be that of Onan, is one of the most destructive evils ever practiced by fallen man. In many respects it is several degrees worse than common whoredom, and has in its train more awful consequences, though practiced by numbers who would shudder at the thought of criminal connection with a prostitute."[15] [15] Dr. Adam Clarke.
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Old 04-21-2010, 09:02 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
If you are a male (as most masturbators are)

This is not true. EVERYBODY does it. Both men AND women, same frequency, no difference. Other than bleeding problems once a month, which gives men a bit of advantage. But everybody does it, and it's completely natural thing to do.
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Old 04-21-2010, 09:05 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by qamarun View Post
This is not true. EVERYBODY does it. Both men AND women, same frequency, no difference. Other than bleeding problems once a month, which gives men a bit of advantage. But everybody does it, and it's completely natural thing to do.
i agree on the part that everybody does it not just MOSTLY males.. in fact i think women might do it more than men..
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Old 04-21-2010, 09:09 PM
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by qamarun View Post
This is not true. EVERYBODY does it. Both men AND women, same frequency, no difference. Other than bleeding problems once a month, which gives men a bit of advantage. But everybody does it, and it's completely natural thing to do.
What an absolute lie! You will not find one TrueChristian™ who would
ever partake in an such abomination.

Genesis 38:9-10

And Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and it came to pass, when he went in unto his brother's wife, that he spilled it on the ground,lest that he should give seed to his brother:

And the thing which he did displeased the LORD: wherefore he slew him also.
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  #16  
Old 04-21-2010, 09:12 PM
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qamarun qamarun is offline
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Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleThumpinBlonde View Post
Matthew 5:30 30
And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into HELL.
There's something off with this sentence... If you have already sinned, isn't it too late to cut your hand off? Aren't you going to Hell anyway?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Robert Jones View Post
What an absolute lie! You will not find one TrueChristian™ who would
ever partake in an such abomination.
Correction: I will not find one "true Christian" who would ever ADMIT doing so, but everybody does that, mate, everybody does that.
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  #17  
Old 04-21-2010, 09:14 PM
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Bruno Bruno is offline
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Bruno is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Bruno is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Bruno is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Bruno is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by qamarun View Post
There's something off with this sentence... If you have already sinned, isn't it too late to cut your hand off? Aren't you going to Hell anyway?




Correction: I will not find one "true Christian" who would ever ADMIT doing so, but everybody does that, mate, everybody does that.
dude get ready to be flamed out of your mind.. for some reason some of the people here dont take well to criticism
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  #18  
Old 04-21-2010, 09:15 PM
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Robert Jones Robert Jones is offline
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Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™Robert Jones is a True Christian™
Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by qamarun View Post
Correction: I will not find one "true Christian" who would ever ADMIT doing so, but everybody does that, mate, everybody does that.
I suppose you have a habit of going door to door, climbing trees, and hiding the water closets while observing onanistic practices to make such outrageous claims?
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Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. Proverbs 23:13



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  #19  
Old 04-21-2010, 09:22 PM
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qamarun qamarun is offline
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qamarun is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bruno View Post
dude get ready to be flamed out of your mind.. for some reason some of the people here dont take well to criticism
Yea, I figured as much, and got used to it. It won't stop me from speaking my mind, though. Nothing could ever stop me from speaking my mind, loud and clear
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  #20  
Old 04-21-2010, 09:29 PM
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Oompa-loompa Oompa-loompa is offline
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Oompa-loompa is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oompa-loompa is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oompa-loompa is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oompa-loompa is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oompa-loompa is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Oompa-loompa is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Is Touching Yourself Worth an Eternity in HELL?

Quote:
For 30 seconds of pleasure you will spend an ETERNITY in HELL.
30 seconds? More like 15 minutes (at least).
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