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  #1  
Old 08-20-2009, 05:39 AM
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Default Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I have been very concerned about the amount of masturbation "M" threads here and the amount of "M" talk that goes around in this Satan filled World.

All True Christians know you will go to HELL for it and unsaved trash thinks it is "cool".

I wanted to do something to make a stand against "M'ing" and wanted to make a subtle statement that says it isn't cool and yet doesn't mention the "M" word.

So, folks I came up with this T-shirt. Hands off! This shirt will quietly and confidently set you apart from HELLBOUND "M'ers". When you see another True Christian with this T-shirt on in a crowded mall or even in another State while on vacation you will instantly know that he or she is part of the Anti-M club AND a True Christian (you can also give them a knowing wink because you will know you are part of thisv ery special HEAVENBOUND elite club ).

I have a feeling this T-shirt will really take off among the young adults.

Place your orders today.

SIZE:
__ XL (Qnty___) ____ L (Qnty___) M____(Qnty___) S___(Qnty___)

(Please keep in mind that these will be made in Brother Worthington's Malasian factory and may run small or contain lead.)


Please PM me with your Credit Card information and any special shipping instructions.
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  #2  
Old 08-20-2009, 05:43 AM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Since they run small, you better put me down for a Men's Medium.
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  #3  
Old 08-20-2009, 05:54 AM
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Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor Bessemer View Post
Since they run small, you better put me down for a Men's Medium.
I'll put you down for one Mens size medium.

Thanks for joining the club!
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  #4  
Old 08-20-2009, 06:14 PM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Ahh, if they only had a running shorts version of this! Such a Godly message that would be, front AND back.

I'll take a shirt anyway, and please make it XL. I like to wear one while swimming so that I don't attract the attention of homers. But if it too tight then it defeats the purpose.
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  #5  
Old 08-20-2009, 06:24 PM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Oh Sister Thumper is starting up her "Stop Ming for men series". GLORY!

Brothers, if you haven't seen Sister Thumper do this special ministry of hers you are really missing a truly Godly moment. Trust me listing to Sister Thumper's witnessing and your mind will be purged of any sinful thoughts of secular harlots and homors.
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  #6  
Old 08-20-2009, 10:15 PM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Sister, I am curious about this. I want to help you promote your Godly cause in any way possible, but of course the Mary Claire and Mary Therese keep me awfully busy in that area, so of course there is no temptation (and no energy) left to "M." May we still buy some T-Shirts?

If so, we would like a Men's XL, a women's L and a womens' M. Come to think of it, perhaps it should be a womens' M and a womens' S. Have you laundered these yet? How do they look wet?

In Christ,
Warren
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  #7  
Old 08-20-2009, 10:33 PM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I blame women for this whole Onanism problem. If they didn't dress like sluts, guys wouldn't constantly feel the need to violate God's will like this. Hell, if Eve hadn't tricked Adam into eating the forbidden fruit, men wouldn't even know that naked women were naked:

And the LORD God called unto Adam, and said unto him, Where art thou? And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself. And he said, Who told thee that thou wast naked? Hast thou eaten of the tree, whereof I commanded thee that thou shouldest not eat? And the man said, The woman whom thou gavest to be with me, she gave me of the tree, and I did eat. Genesis 3:9-12

Luckily, you'll never find me spanking the monkey over some woman.
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  #8  
Old 08-20-2009, 10:51 PM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Sign me up, Sister Thumper! I would personally like to order two t-shirts for me (that way I can wear one while the other is being washed). However, I see you don't have XXXL size available. Is there a way you can pre-order some special sizes from maybe a "Big and Husky" vendor? Thank you.
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  #9  
Old 08-22-2009, 04:22 PM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Those are some ugly shirts.
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  #10  
Old 08-22-2009, 05:08 PM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by swartkrans View Post
Those are some ugly shirts.
They're supposed to make you not masturbate, not sex you up.
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  #11  
Old 08-23-2009, 06:08 AM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
They're supposed to make you not masturbate, not sex you up.
Mission accomplished!
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  #12  
Old 03-02-2012, 07:56 AM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Dear Miss Johnson

I would join this Anti-Masturbation Club.
How to do it ?
Is there any term and condition, or something ?

thanks

blessings.
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  #13  
Old 03-02-2012, 08:17 AM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

put me down for ˝ dozen size 8's.

I have a question which you might be able to help me with. As you know, I have not always been a Christian and I'm still obliged to witness numerous perversions in connection with work. Recently at an "art" festival there were the usual M'ing kiosks but there was a new one this year: BODY ART.

One of the "adornments" on offer was a Prince Albert (some sort of piercing, I gathered) but what concerns me is that the picture in this heathen's poster was very similar to the one you posted.

In particular, this bit:

Name:  Prince Albert.jpg
Views: 1265
Size:  10.4 KB

What is a Prince Albert, and why would anyone want one?
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  #14  
Old 03-02-2012, 09:04 AM
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Daisy Mae, are the T shirts restricted to potential masturbators? A friend of mine is spreading the good news of Jesus among lepers in India. I was thinking that the T shirts would be great for the children. Maybe 'hands off' could be a fun Bible club for amputees?

YIC

Jack
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  #15  
Old 03-02-2012, 09:23 AM
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Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Roberta is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

How to spot a wanker:

There are people who claim they can identify a masturbator with one glance. It’s not magic, but solid human observation. Up to a half an hour after the act, the perpetrator’s face has several telltale signs. Facial muscles are far more relaxed than they normally are, minimizing the depth of creases and fine lines. On the other hand, the flesh of the cheeks and forehead is puffy and pink, flush with heightened circulation. There is evidence of fatigue everywhere, from a low hanging jaw to glassy eyes. This is compounded by a general guilt or nervousness as seen in the eyes and posture. It is the apparent contradiction of these characteristics– physically relaxed but psychologically bubbling with a shameful secret– that is the greatest indicator that someone has just masturbated.

More helpful information at:
http://christwire.org/2010/05/how-to...a-masturbator/
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  #16  
Old 03-02-2012, 04:22 PM
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Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
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Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
put me down for ˝ dozen size 8's.

I have a question which you might be able to help me with. As you know, I have not always been a Christian and I'm still obliged to witness numerous perversions in connection with work. Recently at an "art" festival there were the usual M'ing kiosks but there was a new one this year: BODY ART.

One of the "adornments" on offer was a Prince Albert (some sort of piercing, I gathered) but what concerns me is that the picture in this heathen's poster was very similar to the one you posted.

In particular, this bit:

Attachment 18405

What is a Prince Albert, and why would anyone want one?
Isn't Prince Albert one of the Queen of England's children with rather large ears?

I've heard they are all sex craved perverts, whores and adulterers.
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Old 03-02-2012, 04:52 PM
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Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
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Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Hello Brethren and Sistren,

Please join our Anti-Masturbation Group - Handz Off for JESUS!

http://www.landoverbaptist.net/group.php?groupid=31

http://nerdapproved.com/wp-content/u...m-2.jpg?cb5e28

Please be sure to share your stories about how you were able to refrain from self molesting while you are there!

GLORY!

Sister Thumper
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  #18  
Old 03-02-2012, 08:10 PM
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Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
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Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I have joined your group, and I will definitely as the fellows from G.A.P.E. if they'd be interested in holding a fundraiser in support of it.

Also, regarding these tee shirts, I'm a bit stocky, and have strangely gained a lot of weight since I quit m-ing. Do you think it might be possible to custom order one in a 3XL for me?
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  #19  
Old 03-02-2012, 08:24 PM
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Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
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Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
Daisy Mae, are the T shirts restricted to potential masturbators? A friend of mine is spreading the good news of Jesus among lepers in India. I was thinking that the T shirts would be great for the children. Maybe 'hands off' could be a fun Bible club for amputees?

YIC

Jack
Brother, how very thoughtful of you to think of these little sinners. I would be glad to donate a box of size small to them because it's the Christian thing to do.

However, does your friend know he is wasting his time because cripples can't go to Heaven?

Anyway, let me know where to send the T-shirts.

Kind, generous and helpful,

Sister Thumper
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  #20  
Old 03-02-2012, 08:38 PM
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The Lord's Sword The Lord's Sword is offline
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The Lord's Sword has bribed people to get these reputation points.The Lord's Sword has bribed people to get these reputation points.The Lord's Sword has bribed people to get these reputation points.The Lord's Sword has bribed people to get these reputation points.The Lord's Sword has bribed people to get these reputation points.The Lord's Sword has bribed people to get these reputation points.The Lord's Sword has bribed people to get these reputation points.
Default Re: Join the Anti-Masturbation Club Today!

I need to join this club immediately. While viewing Faith Machine's post: Bachelors, I've found some suitable brides for you! I took my pants off, the shorts I wear under my pants off, and had the key to my underwear out, before I realized God was watching me. I've been praying for the last 20 minutes. Please say a prayer for me also.
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20And if a man smite his servant, or his maid, with a rod, and he die under his hand; he shall be surely punished. 21Notwithstanding, if he continue a day or two, he shall not be punished: for he is his money.
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