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Old 04-11-2012, 07:31 PM
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Lightbulb A trick for converting secular-raised children

You know how the catholics converted the pagans by borrowing pagan concepts and gradually subverting them? Like how they took pagan gods and replaced them with nearly indentical "saints"? We could use this tactic on people who have been raised by secular parents.

You see, converting someone from another religion isn't so hard. Replace submission to "allah" with submission to God. Replace Sharia law with Biblical law (other than being allowed to eat pork I can't think of any changes there). But secular-raised children have no conceptual foundation upon which to build, right?

Wrong! You see, even the most militant atheist still lets their kid read "fairy tales".

We can explain how the invisible spiritual armor of Christ stops invisible demons just like bedding keep the closet-monsters at bay. The only difference is that you can't suffocate when you're being smothered by Jesus.

And what kids hasn't had an invisible friend? An invisible friend who agrees on everything and loves you no matter what - that's what Jesus is for us!

I'm sure we can come up with more.

On a sort-of-related note, the game "Simon says" is a good illustration of how false religions work. Replace "simon" with "Jesus". Mormon:"Jesus says this! Jesus says that! Give me your wife!" Sane person: "Hey, Jesus didn't say!"
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Old 04-11-2012, 08:04 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

Surely even secular children have heard of Santa Claus.

I tell them that Jesus is just like Santa Claus, in that He sees you when you're sleeping and He knows when you're awake, and always watching everything you do. But He is better than Santa, because if you're "good" and obey all His commands, instead of presents you get to spend all of eternity praising Him for being perfect! And if you don't, then instead of coal in your stocking, you get to be burned alive for all time in His Lake of Fire!

This discussion is usually followed up about a week later when the parent brings the child to me and tells me that she's having nightmares about being on fire every night and begs me to fix the problem. (Or, more often from atheists, threatens me if I don't.) I take the child aside and help her become a True Christian™. No more nightmares about Hell!

Usually within a month, the child has convinced her parents to bring her to church and stay through the services, because the child is terrified Mommy and Daddy will go to Hell.
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Old 04-12-2012, 11:43 AM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

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Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Usually within a month, the child has convinced her parents to bring her to church and stay through the services, because the child is terrified Mommy and Daddy will go to Hell.
Ah... fear of the Lord...
Luke 12:5 But I will forewarn you whom ye shall fear: Fear him, which after he hath killed hath power to cast into hell; yea, I say unto you, Fear him.

Great times.

This makes a great piece of first scripture to hang over their beds or if the parent is resistant you could print it on stickers for them to put inside their secular reading books. Kids love to have a secret.
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Old 04-12-2012, 01:55 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

When I used to work in CAHMS I used to counsel children with behavioural problems. As you could expect they were all from atheists liberal parents who lacking the moral certitude of the Bible (KJV1611) could not provide and good role model so the kids were running riot.

I used Jesus to help these young tearaways become good God fearing kids:

The trick is to fill the void leff by their parents not telling them about Hell. Now, by the age they came to my they would be about 10 and did not have any real fear of Hell (I know, stay with me) so I needed a place holder.

I came up with The Lad of Skins.

He is an old bearded man nearly 8 feet tall who carries a sack around on his back. When he finds children he puts them in his sack and they are never seen again because they and cursed and evil to the soul.

He only comes at night when a child is alone and only on windy days. I tell the child that adults know the Lad of Skins is real and when they were kids they had made a bargin with the Lad of Skins to leave them alone if only they would take their twin.

Unfortunately they child has no twin so enventually the Lad will come to get them. They can't talk to their parents because of the deal their parents made to stay alive.

Then I tell the child that next time they hear a wistling in the wind it is the Lad of Skins calling their parents to open the back door and any noises (settling floor boards, cooling radiators) the child hears is the Lad tiptoeing around, but because he is so big he has to move very slowly and can take all night to work his way up the stairs to get them.

I tell the child the reason I know about this is because I made a different deal to save my self from the Lad of Skins: rather than sacrifice a twin (which I could not do) I prayed to Jesus and read the Bible (KJV1611) and learnt that if I accepted Jesus into my life His sacrifice would be enough for the Lad of Skins to leave me alone.

I said that their parents were in on the whole thing and they would not stop the Lad from taking them and putting them in his sack because they did not really love them and that the only person they could trust was me and Jesus. It is then the work of a few more sessions to reveal that the Lad of Skins is Satan

It really works. The kids shape up in a matter of weeks and start reading the Bible (KJV1611) like you would not beleive. The parents are happy, the kids are on their way to being good Christians.

The only side effect is a fair percentage of the children develops and intractable fear if twins.

But we can have everything, I guess.

YIC
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Old 04-15-2012, 10:50 AM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

Yeah, let's trick kids into believing in a religion we know we wouldn't believe in if our parents wouldn't have tricked us.

Keep the blessing going brother!

PS. If you got anymore of the atheist kids left could i get them?
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Old 04-16-2012, 08:03 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

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Originally Posted by PrincessLeviathan View Post
Yeah, let's trick kids into believing in a religion we know we wouldn't believe in if our parents wouldn't have tricked us.

Keep the blessing going brother!
Do you want them to go to Hell? Why do you hate atheist kids?

Quote:
PS. If you got anymore of the atheist kids left could i get them?
No. If your freezer is empty, go to the grocery store. This isn't a food pantry.
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:11 AM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

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Originally Posted by PrincessLeviathan View Post
Yeah, let's trick kids into believing in a religion we know we wouldn't believe in if our parents wouldn't have tricked us.

Keep the blessing going brother!

PS. If you got anymore of the atheist kids left could i get them?
This. If someone wants to be WILLINGLY converted to a belief then they will come to you. Until then let them be.
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Old 04-17-2012, 12:28 AM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

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Originally Posted by scarecrowman175 View Post
...Until then let them be.
Not in the Bible. As a matter of fact, the exact opposite is:

2 Timothy 4:2 "Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all longsuffering and doctrine."

Why do you want these people to go to Hell for disobeying God's clear command?
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Old 04-17-2012, 01:39 AM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

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Originally Posted by scarecrowman175 View Post
This. If someone wants to be WILLINGLY converted to a belief then they will come to you. Until then let them be.
I suppose you would allow a toddler to pull a pot of boiling water down over his own head from the stove, just because it was his will. You would allow him to do it for all eternity.

You are sick.
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Old 04-17-2012, 07:17 AM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

I tend to first use the tactic of turning them against their parents. I have a collection of news cuttings of stories of adults who have tortured children. I read these out until the children are adequately distressed and tearful.

I then read out passages from my KJV1611 about hell and point out that this is where their parents want them to go and get them to agree that mummy and daddy are worse than the horrid people in the newspapers.
'Do you think that mummy and daddy can really love you if they don't care if you get hurt real bad?'


Then I read about the glory of heaven where I want them to go.

Then I say 'So who are you going to trust? Naughty mummy and daddy or nice uncle Jack? '

It works every time,

YIC

Jack
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Old 04-17-2012, 01:08 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

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Originally Posted by Jeb Thurmond View Post
use this tactic on people who have been raised by secular parents.
We're not just talking about converting children, just people who were not exposed to religion as kids.

I think nostalgia is a powerful witnessing tool: "Remember back when you had an invisible friend, when Santa was always watching you, and there's a magic sugar-candy mountain that you'll see someday, and people you don't like get eaten by the monsters under the bed...."

See, EVERYONE knows what it's like to be religious. We just have to remind them.
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Old 04-20-2012, 05:33 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer as an explanation of how evolution doesn't work:

Rudolf is a mutant. His mutation is a disadvantage, his potential mates shun him. Since he won't produce children to pass on his glowing-nose genes to, he's an evolutionary dead end. His genetic traits are ill-adapted to his environment. He is not fitted to his environment, and it's survival of the fittest (to your environment).

Then one snowy Christmas eve, we see that the environment has changed, meaning the genes best fitted to the environment change too. Now Rudolf suddenly has an evolutionary advantage in his glowing nose. He gets lots of mates and "goes down in history" by producing lots of children, many of whom also have glowing noses. Like peacocks with the brightest feathers, the glowiest noses-reindeer get the most mates, and soon we have an entirely new species of glowy-nosed north pole dwelling reindeer.

Except for one problem: deer DON'T have glowing noses, which completely disproves evolution! Jesus 1, evolutionist conspiracy 0!
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Old 04-20-2012, 06:57 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

How about some tasty cupcakes?
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  #14  
Old 04-21-2012, 11:33 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nobar King View Post
How about some tasty cupcakes?
Pinkie Pie, is that you?

I suppose that little story about Pinkie Pie and the Rainbow Gash cupcakes could convert a child to something. I'm just not sure what.
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Old 04-21-2012, 11:41 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

Quote:
Like peacocks with the brightest feathers
Those gayly colored strutters dominated Key West.
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Old 04-26-2012, 01:35 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

Ever played a game of "telephone"? Where you pass on a message via whispers from ear to ear, until the end result is so disported it has nothing to do with the original message?

Great way to explain how false "translations" of the Bible are made. ("translations" - as if God is some kind of immigrant who can't learn English!)
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Old 05-16-2012, 03:26 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

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Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
I tend to first use the tactic of turning them against their parents. I have a collection of news cuttings of stories of adults who have tortured children. I read these out until the children are adequately distressed and tearful.
What? Are you serious? How about living a loving life that like Jesus? He didn't "trick" people into following him.
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Old 05-16-2012, 04:28 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

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Originally Posted by ransom View Post
What? Are you serious? How about living a loving life that like Jesus? He didn't "trick" people into following him.
Who's trying to trick anyone here, friend?

The Bible is not a trick.
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Old 05-16-2012, 04:42 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

Quote:
Originally Posted by ransom View Post
What? Are you serious? How about living a loving life that like Jesus? He didn't "trick" people into following him.
Their parents have tricked them into believing there is no God. I am just putting them straight with Jesus.

And why are you so concerned about the child/parent relationship? Jesus wasn't concerned by that. He knew the most important thing is to praise and follow Him.

Luke 14:26
If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple.


YIC

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  #20  
Old 05-16-2012, 06:18 PM
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Default Re: A trick for converting secular-raised children

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post

I tell them that Jesus is just like Santa Claus....

Yes and he's as real as Santa or Little Red Riding Hood.
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