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The introduction forum Attention Unsaved Trash: This the ONLY subforum you can start threads in. Here is where you introduce yourself. Tell us what church you go to and what your favorite Bible verse is and how you came to find Jesus.

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  #1  
Old 04-15-2012, 09:29 PM
Timothy Tyler Timothy Tyler is offline
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Default Hello There

My name's Timothy Tyler. Some of y'all might know my wife. I'm not too good with computers and the like, but I decided that since she's on here whenever she's got some free time, I better sign up too, to make sure she's not up to any mischief.

I was raised a Catholic, but I got saved after I dropped out of college (I didn't buy the sickular nonsense they use in universities). A nice young missionary on the street gave me a KJV and a pamphlet for Landover Baptist, and I knew it was right.

Met Elizabeth when I was 23. Her cherry pie was delicious, so I had to marry her right there on the spot.

Hard to pick a favorite Bible verse. Anything in Leviticus I guess. Leviticus 18:22 has always held a special place in my heart, because I've never been able to tolerate those queers.

That's about it, I guess.

YIC
Timothy Tyler
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  #2  
Old 04-15-2012, 10:26 PM
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Default Re: Hello There

Welcome, sweetie!
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  #3  
Old 04-15-2012, 10:28 PM
Timothy Tyler Timothy Tyler is offline
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Default Re: Hello There

Yeah, thanks. Now I can see what you're constantly clucking about on this infernal device.
I want roast beef when I get home.
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  #4  
Old 04-15-2012, 10:42 PM
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Default Re: Hello There

Welcome to God's favorite forum. I hope you'll keep your woman in line. She yaps on constantly.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #5  
Old 04-15-2012, 10:42 PM
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MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
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Default Re: Hello There

Beef is always a great meal "eat a pound of beef a day" and of course I always enjoy plenty of pork. In a way I am lucky to live in a town where the butchers are so keen to compete on quality, the standards are high and there's a thriving tourist trade to keep us all going.

Judges is a great book, I'm read chapter 9 this morning
JUDGES 9
8
The trees went foorth on a time to annoint a King ouer them, and they said vnto the Oliue tree, Reigne thou ouer vs.
9 But the Oliue tree saide vnto them, Should I leaue my fatnesse, wherewith by mee they honour God and man, and goe to bee promoted ouer the trees?
10 And the trees said to the Figge tree, Come thou, and reigne ouer vs.
11 But the Figge tree saide vnto them, Should I forsake my sweetenesse, and my good fruit, and goe to be promoted ouer the trees?
12 Then saide the trees vnto the Uine, Come thou, and reigne ouer vs.
13 And the Uine said vnto them, Should I leaue my wine, which cheareth God and man, and goe to bee promoted ouer the trees?
14 Then said all the trees vnto the Bramble, Come thou, and reigne ouer vs.
©1611
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  #6  
Old 04-15-2012, 10:50 PM
Timothy Tyler Timothy Tyler is offline
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Default Re: Hello There

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pastor Ezekiel View Post
Welcome to God's favorite forum. I hope you'll keep your woman in line. She yaps on constantly.

If you'd like to find out more about Landover Baptist Church, please read THIS thread created especially for new posters.

If you have a question, use the "search" function before posting it. Most likely it is being discussed somewhere on this Godly forum. Please don't waste God's precious bandwidth.

You will keep a respectful tongue in your head whenever addressing your betters, which includes all True Christians™. Failure to do so, or any attempt at inciting debate or mockery of God's Divine Plan, can and will result in the suspension of your posting privileges.

Your rights on this forum are listed HERE. If you feel that any of these rights have been violated, please don't hesitate to contact a Pastor at once.
Yessir. God bless.
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  #7  
Old 04-15-2012, 10:55 PM
Timothy Tyler Timothy Tyler is offline
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Default Re: Hello There

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
Beef is always a great meal "eat a pound of beef a day" and of course I always enjoy plenty of pork. In a way I am lucky to live in a town where the butchers are so keen to compete on quality, the standards are high and there's a thriving tourist trade to keep us all going.

Judges is a great book, I'm read chapter 9 this morning
JUDGES 9
8 The trees went foorth on a time to annoint a King ouer them, and they said vnto the Oliue tree, Reigne thou ouer vs.
9 But the Oliue tree saide vnto them, Should I leaue my fatnesse, wherewith by mee they honour God and man, and goe to bee promoted ouer the trees?
10 And the trees said to the Figge tree, Come thou, and reigne ouer vs.
11 But the Figge tree saide vnto them, Should I forsake my sweetenesse, and my good fruit, and goe to be promoted ouer the trees?
12 Then saide the trees vnto the Uine, Come thou, and reigne ouer vs.
13 And the Uine said vnto them, Should I leaue my wine, which cheareth God and man, and goe to bee promoted ouer the trees?
14 Then said all the trees vnto the Bramble, Come thou, and reigne ouer vs.
©1611
Pork's my favorite, mostly because it seperates me from those Christ killing joos.

I would have liked to have pork today, but somebody forgot to pick it up when she went shopping!
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  #8  
Old 04-15-2012, 10:57 PM
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Default Re: Hello There

Quote:
Originally Posted by Timothy Tyler View Post
Pork's my favorite, mostly because it seperates me from those Christ killing joos.

I would have liked to have pork today, but somebody forgot to pick it up when she went shopping!
I'm sorry, dear. And I'm sorry about the police showing up. I'll make sure not to cry so loudly next time.
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  #9  
Old 04-16-2012, 12:16 AM
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Default Re: Hello There

Timothy, does she at least do a good job darning your socks?

I know I put that on my list of requirements for a wife. Must be able to darn socks.
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  #10  
Old 04-16-2012, 12:44 AM
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MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
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Default Re: Hello There

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. M. Rodimer View Post
Timothy, does she at least do a good job darning your socks?

I know I put that on my list of requirements for a wife. Must be able to darn socks.
I can darn socks
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  #11  
Old 04-16-2012, 08:18 AM
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Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
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Default Re: Hello There

Welcome, Mr. Tyler! I love pork too!
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  #12  
Old 04-16-2012, 05:26 PM
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Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hello There

Quote:
Originally Posted by MitzaLizalor View Post
I can darn socks
Is that so . . .
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  #13  
Old 04-17-2012, 12:16 AM
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Default Re: Hello There

Hi Daddy, I miss you.
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  #14  
Old 04-17-2012, 04:40 AM
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Mary Etheldreda Mary Etheldreda is offline
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Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Mary Etheldreda will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hello There

Again, Naomi?

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  #15  
Old 04-17-2012, 06:28 PM
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Rev. M. Rodimer Rev. M. Rodimer is offline
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Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Rev. M. Rodimer will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: Hello There

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Again, Naomi?

Maybe she'd do well to darn socks.
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The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions.


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