The Landover Baptist Church
Like us or burn

Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum

Landover to the Rescue - Christian Help Forum A Christian Help Forum led by Sister Daisy Mae Johnson. Warning! Sometimes the Lord's advice is a hard pill to swallow.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-07-2012, 08:23 PM
lukasekman's Avatar
lukasekman lukasekman is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Proud Niglet Sponsorer Punched the most queers 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Forrest Park, Memphis
Posts: 555
lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default My neighbor is a terminator!

I have an urgent problem. My new neighbor is a terminator. He talks exactly like a robot (monotonic voice), because he is obviously a robot disguised to look like a human. I am pretty sure he is programmed to annihilate mankind, or at least perform an abortion (read: punch the belly) on a random woman that is supposed to give birth to a resistance leader.

I have no idea which cult would bring this mechanical monster into my city, maybe Scientology, Apple, Aum Shrin Kyu or that Korean Moon worship cult. What should I do?

These are the options I can think of right now:
* Hijack the robot and try to disassemble it.
* Hire a next door computer wizard to hack into the robot OS.
* Coordinate a communion prayer effort to protect innocent people.
* Alert the police.
Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 11-07-2012, 09:27 PM
John North's Avatar
John North John North is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Ex-eurotrash Heaven Bound Christian Love Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Porn Resistant Pro-Life Punched the most queers True Christian™ Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Prayer Warrior 

Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: In the South of the North
Posts: 414
John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.John North is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

I would go for option number 2; re-program the robot. Program it to spread the word of God. As a robot, it shouldn’t be obliged to obey secular law (as described in 1st Peter 2:13-17, Romans 13:1-7, not a man and no soul). A killer robot, not having to follow secular law, executing the commands of the KJV 1611 Bible… It’s something appealing about that thought.
__________________
Stop whining
(1 Thessalonians 5:18) - In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
(1 Corinthians 10:10) - Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer
(Psalm 106:25) - But murmured in their tents, And hearkened not unto the voice of the LORD
(Ephesians 4:29) - Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-08-2012, 03:47 AM
Born Again Pablo Born Again Pablo is offline
Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: God's Holy Crib
Posts: 1
Born Again Pablo is under investigation -- suspected to be Unsaved Trash.
Unhappy Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

My brother! You must retreat far far away from this source of sin and corrupt essence! This surely be the work of Lucifer and his damned dreaded minions "scientists". Brother if escape is not an option I regret to inform you that you will be tainted by the essence and you will need to perform self purification in which you will go on a journey to meet the Lord himself. Tomorrow please begin the ceremony. First take a container of sheep blood. Smear the holy blood onto your face and chest. For then you can carefully cut your own throat and be on your way to God. IF you are a true believe of God then you will do this or you will be deemed a coward and an obvious enemy of God. Good luck to you brother. May your journey be righteous and swift.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-08-2012, 05:18 AM
Didymus Much's Avatar
Didymus Much Didymus Much is offline
Unsaved trash, Arrogant Atheist Dick
 

Hellbound Heathen Atheist Cancer on Society hippie Caution - Poster is Crazy Evilution Perv 

Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: chillin' in the spring (c'mon sunshine)
Posts: 7,497
Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Didymus Much is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again Pablo View Post
...yada yada yada...
Blah blah intro forum.

Blah blah blah your church, favourite Scripture, blah blah blah.

Blah.
__________________
1 Corinthians 1:27 "But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise; and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;" The Bible confounds me; does that mean...
“A universe simple enough to be understood is too simple to produce a mind capable of understanding it.” — John David Barrow, FRS
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-08-2012, 10:07 AM
Cranky Old Man's Avatar
Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah
You kids get off his lawn!
 

True Christian™ Real American™ Christian Love Christian Love Platinum Tither Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Gunfest '09 Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian The Lord’s Witness Wound 1st Year Bible College Punched the most queers Public Awareness Medal Public Awareness Medal One Year/1000 posts Friend of Jesus 2010 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Nerd Flat Earth The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Eats the Most Pork 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Republican Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Prayer Warrior 2012 Witch Hunt Award Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Close to God
Posts: 17,052
Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Cranky Old Man will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Born Again Pablo View Post
For then you can carefully cut your own throat and be on your way to God.
While I always applaud annoying people making the world a better place by killing themselves, it should be noted suicide is not allowed and will end with eternal damnation in Hell.
__________________
The Christian guide to TORTURING your children
Follow me on Twitter or burn in Hell for all eternity!

To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-08-2012, 11:35 AM
UnicornsAreReal's Avatar
UnicornsAreReal (On Moderation) UnicornsAreReal is offline
Unsaved trash, drooling imbecile
Foul Sinner on Moderation

Commmmmunnissss 

Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: straight jacket
Posts: 21
UnicornsAreReal is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.UnicornsAreReal is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

I don't believe in terminators because they aren't in the Bible.
Most likely you are hallucinating.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-08-2012, 11:38 AM
Dr Laurence Niles's Avatar
Dr Laurence Niles Dr Laurence Niles is offline
Psychotheological Analyst Therapist
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Real American™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Porn Resistant Pro-Life Christian Love One Year/1000 posts True Republican Ex-Brit Ex-eurotrash Eats the Most Pork Super Soaker Baptism Award Gold Tither True Christian Provider™ award Batman Shooting Survivor True Scientist™ Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Truck Stop Ministry Member Prayer Warrior Divorcee The Lord’s Witness Wound Punched the most queers Paula Deen Negro Support Group Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Surrounded by queers.
Posts: 6,263
Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Dr Laurence Niles will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal View Post
I don't believe in terminators because they aren't in the Bible.
Most likely you are hallucinating.
What?

Are the internets in the Bible(KJV1611)?

Think on, missy!

YIC
__________________
1 Corinthians 11:3 But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Revelation 22:15 For without are dogs, and sorcerers, and whoremongers, and murderers, and idolaters, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.

Leviticus 20:13 If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-08-2012, 11:54 AM
Zechariah Smyth's Avatar
Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is online now
Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Tell her once Flat Earth Real American™ True Christian™ Christian Love The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tin Tither True Christian Provider™ award Porn Resistant Persecuted Pro-Life Teabag Patriot 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts Ex-Gay Eats the Most Pork Saved 1 Year True Republican 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
Posts: 12,114
Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal View Post
I don't believe in terminators because they aren't in the Bible.
Most likely you are hallucinating.
I can assure you that Lukasekman is not on LSD. Only liberals hippies and college professors use hallucinogens.
__________________
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-09-2012, 12:50 PM
UnicornsAreReal's Avatar
UnicornsAreReal (On Moderation) UnicornsAreReal is offline
Unsaved trash, drooling imbecile
Foul Sinner on Moderation

Commmmmunnissss 

Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: straight jacket
Posts: 21
UnicornsAreReal is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.UnicornsAreReal is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Laurence Niles View Post
What?

Are the internets in the Bible(KJV1611)?

Think on, missy!

YIC
No, I don't believe in the internet either.
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-09-2012, 01:06 PM
Zechariah Smyth's Avatar
Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is online now
Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Tell her once Flat Earth Real American™ True Christian™ Christian Love The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tin Tither True Christian Provider™ award Porn Resistant Persecuted Pro-Life Teabag Patriot 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts Ex-Gay Eats the Most Pork Saved 1 Year True Republican 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
Posts: 12,114
Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal View Post
No, I don't believe in the internet either.
What kind of retard comment is that? You do realize that we are having this discussion on the internets, right?

__________________
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 11-12-2012, 05:27 PM
lukasekman's Avatar
lukasekman lukasekman is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ready for the Rapture True Christian™ Christian Love Real American™ Ex-Masturbator True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Flat Earth Tell her once Persecuted Porn Resistant Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Proud Niglet Sponsorer Punched the most queers 

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Forrest Park, Memphis
Posts: 555
lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.lukasekman is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

Another neighbor of mine told me today that the robot might be an actual human with autism. Sounds like bull to me. No way that a virus can transform a human being into a mechanical killing machine. I'm sure even a*tists realize that humans are born while robots are built.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-17-2012, 08:51 PM
UnicornsAreReal's Avatar
UnicornsAreReal (On Moderation) UnicornsAreReal is offline
Unsaved trash, drooling imbecile
Foul Sinner on Moderation

Commmmmunnissss 

Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: straight jacket
Posts: 21
UnicornsAreReal is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.UnicornsAreReal is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
What kind of retard comment is that? You do realize that we are having this discussion on the internets, right?

I thought I was just talking to my Bible.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-17-2012, 08:55 PM
Zechariah Smyth's Avatar
Zechariah Smyth Zechariah Smyth is online now
Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
 

Protected by JESUS Heaven Bound Ex-Masturbator Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Friend of Jesus Tell her once Flat Earth Real American™ True Christian™ Christian Love The Hatchet Child Rearing Award Tin Tither True Christian Provider™ award Porn Resistant Persecuted Pro-Life Teabag Patriot 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts Ex-Gay Eats the Most Pork Saved 1 Year True Republican 3rd Year Bible College 4th Year Bible College Sons of Liberty Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Prayer Warrior Touched by Jesus 

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Thong-infested Florida©
Posts: 12,114
Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Zechariah Smyth will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: My neighbor is a terminator!

Quote:
Originally Posted by UnicornsAreReal View Post
I thought I was just talking to my Bible.
Why would you be talking to your Bible? You should be listening.

(Proverbs 19:20) "Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end."

YiC,

Zech
__________________
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Tags
robots: evil killing machines

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here

The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions.


All times are GMT. The time now is 06:42 PM.


Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1999, 2009 all rights reserved