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  #1  
Old 03-03-2013, 05:17 PM
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Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
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Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Daisy Mae Johnson will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I Hope you and your retarded
baby are doing well!




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  #2  
Old 03-03-2013, 06:09 PM
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

What are you now, fourteen? Fifteen?

Oh, they grow up so fast!

Now that you're a married woman with a baby of your own, you'll soon realize how fast your own child will grow up.
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  #3  
Old 03-03-2013, 06:28 PM
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Happy Birthday Naomi,

Are you cooking Aaron something special?


YIC

Jack
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  #4  
Old 03-03-2013, 07:16 PM
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Oh crap, that's right, that's today.

I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.

Happy birthday Naomi, I'll see you when I get back into town a week from Wednesday.
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  #5  
Old 03-03-2013, 07:32 PM
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Congrats Aaron. Will you be at Landover Mens Club tonight? Dinner and drinks are on me in celebration.

If you feel compelled to spend money one her (I know how yoiu newly weds are), may I suggest a nice mop?
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Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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  #6  
Old 03-03-2013, 07:52 PM
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Aaron Portway View Post
Oh crap, that's right, that's today.

I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.
This is what I bought my wife for her birthday and he is very happy with it.



It saved her having to get down on her knees to clean the house with a dustpan and brush.

She did hint at a vacuum cleaner but I can't bare the noise.

Ecclesiastes 3:8
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

YIC

Jack
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Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.



I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
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  #7  
Old 03-03-2013, 08:29 PM
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Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Aaron Portway View Post
Oh crap, that's right, that's today.

I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.

Happy birthday Naomi, I'll see you when I get back into town a week from Wednesday.
My wife literally wept with joy when I got her one of those new electric vacuum machines for our wedding anniversary, and it gives her some free time at the end of the day to get rested up for her "wifely duties" during the evening!
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Old 03-03-2013, 08:39 PM
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

A Blessed Birthday to you, Mrs. Portway!
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  #9  
Old 03-03-2013, 08:49 PM
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august august is offline
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august is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.august is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.august is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Happy Birthday, Mrs. Portway. I hope your husband takes you out and gives you some nice jewelry.
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Old 03-03-2013, 09:03 PM
BelieverInGod BelieverInGod is offline
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Aaron Portway View Post
Oh crap, that's right, that's today.

I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.

Happy birthday Naomi, I'll see you when I get back into town a week from Wednesday.
Is there some sort of cookware she is collecting? I'm partial to Cast Iron, but I haven't been in her kitchen in so long, I don't remember her preferences.

I'm a little confused about the Pyrex. On the one hand, the only place to get the good stuff is in the thrift stores, but now, After this thread I am not so sure. On the other hand, I am convinced that the new stuff is a sign of end times.

I'll leave the decision in your manly capable hands.
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Old 03-03-2013, 09:06 PM
BelieverInGod BelieverInGod is offline
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Quote:
Originally Posted by august View Post
Happy Birthday, Mrs. Portway. I hope your husband takes you out and gives you some nice jewelry.

AHEM!


1st Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;


1st Peter 3:3 Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;
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Old 03-04-2013, 10:36 AM
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MitzaLizalor MitzaLizalor is offline
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Mr Portway, I like to make my own gifts from wildflowers or foliage which can be woven into the lovliest designs. Alternatively, some local produce picked from the meadow such as wild mushrooms or berries is also a lovely gift idea (and you don't have to waste time weaving foliage (hawthorn or privet, say)). On a wooden plate maybe?
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  #13  
Old 03-04-2013, 07:39 PM
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turdbear turdbear is offline
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turdbear is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.turdbear is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.turdbear is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Happy birthday, Mrs. Portway, and may you have a blessed day.
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Old 03-05-2013, 05:15 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is online now
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Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Pastor Ezekiel will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

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Originally Posted by teddybear View Post
Happy birthday, Mrs. Portway, and may you have a blessed day.
Hands off, boy. The White girls around here aren't interested in what you're selling.
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #15  
Old 03-05-2013, 05:40 AM
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Levi Jones Levi Jones is online now
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Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Levi Jones will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

I got you a 8"x10" poster of Pastor Zeke. If you're really nice, I'll get his secretary to sign it in his name.
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Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.

Contact me for private counseling. levijoneslbc@gmail.com



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  #16  
Old 03-05-2013, 08:53 AM
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Cranky Old Man Cranky Old Man is offline
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You kids get off his lawn!
 

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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Quote:
Originally Posted by Capt. Aaron Portway View Post
I suppose she'll be expecting some sort of gift. Does anybody have any ideas? What do women like these days. Groceries? Fancy lightbulbs? A new shovel? I'm at a loss.
Since when is what women want of any relevance? All that matters is what God wants! (Ephesians 5:22-24)

Never buy a woman gifts, it only makes them greedy and whining about more gifts. Instead just give her a firm beating to make sure she knows her place.(Genesis 3:16)
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To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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  #17  
Old 03-11-2013, 11:25 AM
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Faith_Machine Faith_Machine is offline
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Naomi, I'm so sorry I missed your birthday! Don't worry though, I've bought you a state-of-the-art Web cam, which should be arriving in your mail box soon. You'll probably want Captain Portway to set it up for you.
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  #18  
Old 03-11-2013, 11:53 PM
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Mrs. Naomi Portway Mrs. Naomi Portway is offline
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

Thank you everybody. I couldn't use the computer for two weeks because I shrank one of Aaron's pilot jackets. Since it was specially hand made, it didn't have a label to not wash it, I should have asked him, but now it's ruined and money doesn't grow on ding-danged trees and any idiot knows you don't wash and dry wool, you take it to the cleaners. I should have known that, since I'm a wife and all.

To whoever told Aaron to get me a new ladder for my birthday, thank you. It'll make it easier to clean the gutters this spring. Also, thank you to whoever sent that big bag of flour. Maybe now with this kind I'll be able to make a halfway decent batch of pancakes, but I don't know, it seems like they taste OK to me, but Aaron says they taste like wet cardboard.

Anyway, now that I'm fifteen, I'll probably start to be better at being a wife and a Mommy. The baby still cries most of the time, but it doesn't bite as much, but I still wear oven mitts when I hold it.


YIC


Mrs. Naomi Portway
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Aaron said I should have this for my signature to remind me how to be a good wife.

"Feminism is a socialist, anti-family, political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."

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  #19  
Old 03-12-2013, 12:47 AM
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Default Re: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mrs. Naomi Portway

So when can we expect you to be birthing a little brother for that precious bundle of joy? It would be cruel of you not to, as only children tend to be very sad and lonely.
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