The Landover Baptist Church
Like us or burn

Go Back   The Landover Baptist Church Forum > Church Forums > Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians)

Straight 4 Jesus! (Back Door Christians) At LBC, we will cure your perversion of choice (even if we have to stone you).

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 03-05-2013, 03:34 AM
Witch Hammer's Avatar
Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

2010 Witch Hunt Award One Year/1000 posts 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Provider™ award Pro-Life True Christian™ Friend of Jesus Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Porn Resistant Prayer Warrior Proud Niglet Sponsorer Pro-Life True Republican Saved 5 Years Tell her once Christian Love The Lord’s Witness Wound Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Flat Earth Persecuted Sons of Liberty Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Punched the most queers Eats the Most Pork 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
Posts: 769
Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default The Judas Cradle as Aversion Therapy for Sodomites?

Although the advanced homersexual might actually incorporate such a device into his daily regieme of sadomasochistic ass-play, the entry level pillow-biter could benefit from a few discreet treatments with the Cradle, administered in a controlled environment by a True Christian mentor, of course. Homers have become so desensitized to sin, that it becomes necessary to up the ante from time to time in order to impress upon them the depth of Christ's Love!

Reply With Quote
  #2  
Old 03-05-2013, 07:25 AM
Jack O'fagan's Avatar
Jack O'fagan Jack O'fagan is online now
With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant True Christian™ Flat Earth Tell her once Ex-Masturbator Heaven Bound Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Christian Love 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts True Scientist™ Ex-Brit True Republican Ex-eurotrash Eats the Most Pork 3rd Year Bible College Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior 

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
Posts: 4,707
Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: The Judas Cradle as Aversion Therapy for Sodomites?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
Although the advanced homersexual might actually incorporate such a device into his daily regieme of sadomasochistic ass-play, the entry level pillow-biter could benefit from a few discreet treatments with the Cradle, administered in a controlled environment by a True Christian mentor, of course. Homers have become so desensitized to sin, that it becomes necessary to up the ante from time to time in order to impress upon them the depth of Christ's Love!

I assume it's called the Judas cradle because it could be used to give a slow painful death. All the guts could fall out, just like what happened to Judas.

Acts 1:18 Now this man purchased a field with the reward of iniquity; and falling headlong, he burst asunder in the midst, and all his bowels gushed out.

They would be praying for a quick death and wanting the easy way out. Just like that coward Judas did,

Matthew 27:5 And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself.


YIC

Jack
__________________
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.



I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 03-05-2013, 08:00 AM
Witch Hammer's Avatar
Witch Hammer Witch Hammer is offline
True Christian™
True Christian™

2010 Witch Hunt Award One Year/1000 posts 2011 Witch Hunt Award True Christian Provider™ award Pro-Life True Christian™ Friend of Jesus Christian Love Real American™ Heaven Bound Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture True Christian Caucasian Porn Resistant Prayer Warrior Proud Niglet Sponsorer Pro-Life True Republican Saved 5 Years Tell her once Christian Love The Lord’s Witness Wound Ex-Masturbator Super Soaker Baptism Award Flat Earth Persecuted Sons of Liberty Guns, Guts and GLORY! Prayer Warrior Proud Niglet Sponsorer Hatchet Child Rearing Award Punched the most queers Eats the Most Pork 

Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the midst of His Will®
Posts: 769
Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Witch Hammer is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: The Judas Cradle as Aversion Therapy for Sodomites?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jack O'fagan View Post
I assume it's called the Judas cradle because it could be used to give a slow painful death. All the guts could fall out, just like what happened to Judas
Hmmm...thats not good. I wouldn't want to see one of those buggers expire while they were in the process of learning to know Christ. I don't want to give up on this just yet, though. I think I'll go putter around in the workshop for a while and try to come up with a safer alternative...maybe a step-pyramid design with a slightly blunted apex would do the trick. I reckon fitting it with a rubber tip would be counter productive. Back to the drawing board...
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 03-05-2013, 08:05 AM
Jack O'fagan's Avatar
Jack O'fagan Jack O'fagan is online now
With faith as immovable as the Earth
True Christian™

Protected by JESUS Ready for the Rapture Friend of Jesus Real American™ True Christian Caucasian Ready for the Rapture Porn Resistant True Christian™ Flat Earth Tell her once Ex-Masturbator Heaven Bound Persecuted Porn Resistant Pro-Life Christian Love 1st Year Bible College 2nd Year Bible College One Year/1000 posts True Scientist™ Ex-Brit True Republican Ex-eurotrash Eats the Most Pork 3rd Year Bible College Batman Shooting Survivor Loves a GODLY Chic-Fil-A Guns, Guts and GLORY! Proud Niglet Sponsorer Saved 1 Year Prayer Warrior 

Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Body in England but HEART IN FREEHOLD!
Posts: 4,707
Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!Jack O'fagan will sit at the right hand of Jesus Himself come the Glory!
Default Re: The Judas Cradle as Aversion Therapy for Sodomites?

No, I think I would work fine. It's just a case of keeping the tension on the ropes correct. There may be some mistakes but you can't make an omelette without breaking eggs.

YIC

Jack
__________________
Genesis 22:2 And he said, Take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.



I know God wouldn't let me believe in Him if He didn't exist.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Find Additional Forums Here

The information presented here is Biblically accurate. Opinions concerning the technical difficulties, fitness requirements, safety, and ratings of self-crucifixion, flagellation, stoning, destroying enemies of GOD utterly, without mercy, and other activities inherent in Christianity are subjective and may differ from yours or others' opinions; therefore be warned that you must exercise your own judgment as to the difficulty and your ability to safely protect yourself from the inherent risks and dangers. Do not use the information provided on this site unless you are a True Christian ™ who understands and accepts the risks of participating in these activities. Landover Baptist Church makes reasonable efforts to include accurate and up to date information on this website, errors or omissions sometimes occur, therefore the information contained on here is provided "as is" and without warranties of any kind either expressed or implied. Viewing, reading, or any other use of the information contained within this web site is purely the voluntary will of the viewer or user. You, 'the viewer' or 'user' shall not hold the publisher, owner, authors or other contributors of The Jesus Experience responsible for any incidents related directly or indirectly to the Experience. Landover Baptist Church, et. al., assumes no liability or responsibility for your actions.


All times are GMT. The time now is 11:19 AM.


Powered by Jesus - vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Content Landover Baptist Forums © 1999, 2009 all rights reserved