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Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

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  #281  
Old 02-27-2013, 06:20 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Q: How do you fit four gay guys on a bar stool?

A: Turn it over.
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  #282  
Old 03-02-2013, 06:02 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Pastor Pistle told me this one earlier today. I think it's a true story.



This morning, I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home, I stopped at the gas station, and this drop-dead-gorgeous blond was filling up her car at the next pump.

She looked at the ammo in the back of my car and said in a very sexy voice, “I believe in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in trading sex for ammo?”

I thought it over for a few seconds and responded, “Well, just what kind of ammo have you got to trade?”
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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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  #283  
Old 03-05-2013, 10:57 PM
KitchenWench KitchenWench is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mary Etheldreda View Post
Mr. Etheldreda told the boys this joke:

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?

Nothing you haven't told her twice already.


That is a wonderful and true joke.
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  #284  
Old 03-05-2013, 11:15 PM
Brother Harold Porter Brother Harold Porter is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by KitchenWench View Post
That is a wonderful and true joke.
Indeed. Sister Etheldreda gets off a funny one here and there. A rare capability for most brooding and dour womenfolk.

Say, why not introduce yourself here? Tell us what church you attend, your most precious KJV1611 Holy Scripture and all about your personal relationship with Jesus!

In Christ
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  #285  
Old 03-06-2013, 01:20 AM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Q: What is the difference between a faggot and a refrigerator?

A: You'll have to search google for the answer, I haven't the heart to tell you
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  #286  
Old 03-06-2013, 01:28 AM
Shimei Shimei is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Witch Hammer View Post
Q: What is the difference between a faggot and a refrigerator?

A: You'll have to search google for the answer, I haven't the heart to tell you


Thank you for the full body response; the foot stomp, the arms that began waving, the thigh slap, the torso rock, the deep and loud sound, the flow of tears, the increased heart rate and breathlessness. Truly a solitary laugh experience.

Praise Him!!!
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  #287  
Old 03-07-2013, 08:42 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Q: What's a joo's biggest dilemma?

A: Free ham.
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  #288  
Old 03-08-2013, 04:50 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Where is the best place to hide a nigra's food stamps?


Under his work boots.


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Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #289  
Old 03-10-2013, 04:25 AM
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Daisy Mae Johnson Daisy Mae Johnson is offline
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

I know I not a man, but I had to share this joke. It reminds me of something Pastor Zeke might say.

SWEET TEA

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten Black and Blue.

Doctor: "What happened?"

Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp."

Doctor: "I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth. Just swish and swish but don't swallow until he goes to bed and is asleep."

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished, and he didn't touch me!"

Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"


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  #290  
Old 03-10-2013, 05:18 AM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Hello Landover Baptist Church. Here is my joke:

Q: Why do colored people have big nostrils?

A: Because they have big fingers.

Thank you.

Rusty
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  #291  
Old 03-10-2013, 06:30 AM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

A Catholic, a Protestant, a Muslim and a Jew were in a discussion during a dinner.

Catholic: "I have a large fortune...I am going to buy Citibank!"

Protestant: "I am very wealthy and I will buy General Motors!"

Muslim: "I am a fabulously rich prince. I intend to purchase Microsoft!"

They then all wait for the Jew to speak. The Jew stirs his coffee, places the spoon neatly on the table, takes a sip of his coffee, looks at them and casually says, "Gentlemen, I'm not selling."

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  #292  
Old 03-11-2013, 04:13 AM
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Pastor Ezekiel Pastor Ezekiel is offline
Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
 

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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Joo jokes? I've got a million of them. At the last Pastoral Prayer Retreat in Tahiti these were making the rounds:

What language does a queer joo speak?

Heblew.



What's the difference between karate and judo?

Karate is a method of self-defense, and judo is what bagels are made out of.



I've got a million of these.
__________________
Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

Need Pastoral Advice? Contact me privately at PastorEzekiel@landoverbaptist.net TODAY!!
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  #293  
Old 03-11-2013, 04:59 AM
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Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Manly Jokes

A long story...

One day a barber was cutting the hair of a Catholic Priest. When he was finished the barber said, "No charge father..." The priest replied, "Bless you my son..." The next day, the barber found a basket filled with fruit, Italian bread, cheese and wine waiting at the front door of his shop. This gave the barber an idea. Later that day, a Baptist Preacher came inside and after his haircut was finished the barber said, "No charge today brother!" and the preacher replied "Amen, brother have a blessed day!". The next day the barber found a nice picnic basket waiting at his front door filled with fried chicken, biscuts, and mashed potatoes. He thought to himself, "This is too good to be true." Later that day, he styled the hair of a nigra televangilist from the local tv station and the barber said, "No charge brother Creflo" the nigra replied, "Sho nuff? The Lord, He do provide!" and the next day the barber found a line of about 50 nigras in front of his shop.
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Old 03-11-2013, 07:20 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Q: What's the best advice to give a queer for AIDS prevention?

A: Sit down and keep your mouth shut.
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2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
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Old 03-15-2013, 01:13 AM
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Paragon of virtue Paragon of virtue is offline
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Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.Paragon of virtue is veritably a saint destined for a place in heaven near Jesus' right hand.
Default Re: Manly Jokes

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation in Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away . The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her buried here in the Holy Land for $150 or we can have her shipped back home for $5,000 .The husband thought about it and told the undertaker he would have her shipped back home .The undertaker asked him, "why would you spend $5,000 to have her shipped home when you could have a beautiful burial here, and it would only cost $150????"The husband replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was buried here, and three days later, rose from the dead . I just can’t take that chance!


Probably a repeat, but it's still funny.
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Old 03-15-2013, 05:21 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Another joo joke:

Q: Why do joo men watch porn backwards?

A: They like to see the hooker give the money back.
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2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
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Old 03-15-2013, 06:31 PM
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Thinks Design Thinks Design is offline
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Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Manly Jokes

These joke are offensive to women. No real woman would find them funny.

ThinksDesign
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Old 03-15-2013, 07:25 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleSweatHog View Post
These joke are offensive to women. No real woman would find them funny.

ThinksDesign
Dear Mrs. SweatHog,

If you are unclear about the Forum Rules, please have your husband read them to you....

Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

YIC
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2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
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Old 03-15-2013, 07:29 PM
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Thinks Design Thinks Design is offline
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Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.Thinks Design is a sinner who has rejected Christ and tithing to Landover and is on the fast bus to Aeternal Damnation.
Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sammy The Penitent View Post
Dear Mrs. SweatHog,

If you are unclear about the Forum Rules, please have your husband read them to you....

Promise Enforcers - Men Only! We make Promise Keepers look like homers! No homosexuals or women allowed!

YIC
Who said I was married? You are very offensive: not very Christian.

ThinksDesign
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Old 03-15-2013, 09:03 PM
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Default Re: Manly Jokes

Quote:
Originally Posted by BibleSweatHog View Post
Who said I was married? You are very offensive: not very Christian.

ThinksDesign
Dear Mrs. SweatHog,

What is it about Men Only that you don't understand? Why are you here?

YIC
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2 Samuel 11:13 And when David had called him, he did eat and drink before him; and he made him drunk: and at even he went out to lie on his bed with the servants of his lord, but went not down to his house.
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