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Default MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-27-2009, 08:10 AM

FOR MEN 18+ ONLY. ALL OTHERS IMMEDIATELY CLOSE THIS WINDOW!

I want to bring up a sensitive subject to my True Christian™ brothers on this board. I have noticed that I never seem to get sex from my wife on Thanksgiving. Why is that? On our birthdays, there's always a special late-night "birthday gift" that we give to each other. But on Thanksgiving, it seems like she is never in the mood.

I have many theories why...

1) She may be tired after 12+ hours of work including preperation, decorations, cooking, serving, hosting, entertaining, clean-up, etc.
2) She may be jealous whenever I invite a new, young, pretty female parishoner to our Thanksgiving as a special guest.
3) There's a lot of coats on the bed and she's too lazy to move them.

I've noticed this pattern for years, not just with this wife, but all five that I've had. Do other men get sexual intercourse from their wives on Thanksgiving? Am I the only one that experiences this?



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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-27-2009, 11:24 AM

My wife and I only have sex about once ever ten months. The rest of the time she either is cooking up a Soldier for Christ© (aka a 'bun in the oven) or is a bit too stretched out of shape for my liking. But you are right, we have never 'done it' on Thanksgiving. Though I have to say I usually am asleep on the couch by 3 PM and stay there until the following day.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-27-2009, 04:14 PM

Rev. Jim:

It may well be reason #3. The one about the bed all covered with coats and your wife being a little weary from the day.

Have you considered leading her out to your garage and taking advantage of all that room in the back of your Escalade?

I, myself, often take the missus out to the bed of my F350 4X4 and use an inflatable mattress. Having her blow up the mattress helps both of us get ready. Me watching and her blowing.


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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-27-2009, 05:19 PM

Reverend,

I'm not sure what her wishes or mood have to do with anything. If you're feeling a bit randy like making another Soldier for Christ®, just wait until the turkey hits her and she feels like taking a nap.


Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.



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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-27-2009, 06:25 PM

I must agree in part with Mr Jones, "her mood" may also be affected by the turkey, and combined with reason 1, she is probably too tired to fight you off. I know this was the case for myself a month ago on real thanksgiving.


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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-27-2009, 07:03 PM

I have a theory that Demoncrat turkey producers are putting stuff in turkeys and selling them off at cheap prices subsidised by Obama. Whilst the nation sleeps socialism is being created.

The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.





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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-28-2009, 06:35 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
Do other men get sexual intercourse from their wives on Thanksgiving? Am I the only one that experiences this?
Rev. Jim, I must say I'm a bit shocked to learn that a man in such high standing with the Lord is experiencing this particular problem. What, pray tell, do you're wife's desires have to do with whether the two of you have sex? Surely Mrs. Osborne, being a good Christian woman, is intimately familiar with 1 Peter:

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.... Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 1 Peter 3:1-6

Ask and it shall be given onto you, Pastor. Knock and the door shall be opened.


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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-28-2009, 08:34 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
FOR MEN 18+ ONLY. ALL OTHERS IMMEDIATELY CLOSE THIS WINDOW!

I want to bring up a sensitive subject to my True Christian™ brothers on this board. I have noticed that I never seem to get sex from my wife on Thanksgiving. Why is that? On our birthdays, there's always a special late-night "birthday gift" that we give to each other. But on Thanksgiving, it seems like she is never in the mood.

I have many theories why...

1) She may be tired after 12+ hours of work including preperation, decorations, cooking, serving, hosting, entertaining, clean-up, etc.
2) She may be jealous whenever I invite a new, young, pretty female parishoner to our Thanksgiving as a special guest.
3) There's a lot of coats on the bed and she's too lazy to move them.

I've noticed this pattern for years, not just with this wife, but all five that I've had. Do other men get sexual intercourse from their wives on Thanksgiving? Am I the only one that experiences this?
Why is this even being debated? According to the good book, a woman is always in subjection to her husband. Ask and ye shall receive, ask and ye shall receive.
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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-28-2009, 12:26 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins View Post
a bit too stretched out of shape for my liking
What, the turkey? I dont get it...


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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 12-26-2009, 01:30 PM

I think it's because they're to tired. Having people around and having to cook for everyone can be quite stressfull, my wife says.
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Smile Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 12-26-2009, 01:44 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianAddams View Post
I think it's because they're to tired. Having people around and having to cook for everyone can be quite stressfull, my wife says.
What a load of BS.

A woman feels honored to be needed. To be able to clean and cook for her men is the second highest honor a female can attain. The first being, of course, providing a male son. Any woman who states she is too tired after merely doing her job as a female of cooking and cleaning is not a Godly woman and should be switched. Failing to be available to produce a male son is inexcusable.


Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-24-2011, 02:39 PM

The question remains unanswered....


Who Will Jesus Damn?

Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:

Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)

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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-24-2011, 04:56 PM

My memory isn't as good as it used to be, but I don't think I've ever had sex on Thanksgiving.


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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-24-2011, 05:03 PM

Being tired is no excuse. It's not like they have to do anything during procreation.



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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-24-2011, 05:06 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
I have noticed that I never seem to get sex from my wife on Thanksgiving.
It's a discipline problem. Just hit her on her head with a Bible until she stops protesting.


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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-24-2011, 06:28 PM

I don't recall reading anywhere in the Bible where it says you don't get to have sex if your wife is tired.

If she's that tired she can just sleep while you do your husbandly duty.



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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-24-2011, 06:31 PM

Thanksgiving is for three things: eating and football and naps.

Throwing a coupling in there would ruin everything.
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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-24-2011, 06:38 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth View Post
Thanksgiving is for three things: eating and football and naps.

Throwing a coupling in there would ruin everything.
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It's football, naps, eating, naps, eating, and then more football.


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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-24-2011, 08:28 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne View Post
I have noticed that I never seem to get sex from my wife on Thanksgiving. Why is that?
Brother, I've noticed that I never seem to get sex from your wife on Thanksgiving, either.


...



...

That's just a little joke there. Forgive my humor!

It's quite possible that the "tryptophan" in the turkey (makes you sleepy) makes her tired.

I suggest you offer her some "special stuffing" early Thanksgiving morning, before she's gotten all "tryppy".


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Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
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Default Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? - 11-25-2011, 09:16 PM

Well, as I have divorced my fifth wife Leanne since this was last posted, I am waiting to see if this will be applicable to future wife #6. There's an 18 year old blonde girl that candy stripes at Freehold Memorial who has been catching my eye....



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