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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
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MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-27-2009, 08:10 AM
FOR MEN 18+ ONLY. ALL OTHERS IMMEDIATELY CLOSE THIS WINDOW!
I want to bring up a sensitive subject to my True Christian™ brothers on this board. I have noticed that I never seem to get sex from my wife on Thanksgiving. Why is that? On our birthdays, there's always a special late-night "birthday gift" that we give to each other. But on Thanksgiving, it seems like she is never in the mood.
I have many theories why...
1) She may be tired after 12+ hours of work including preperation, decorations, cooking, serving, hosting, entertaining, clean-up, etc.
2) She may be jealous whenever I invite a new, young, pretty female parishoner to our Thanksgiving as a special guest.
3) There's a lot of coats on the bed and she's too lazy to move them.
I've noticed this pattern for years, not just with this wife, but all five that I've had. Do other men get sexual intercourse from their wives on Thanksgiving? Am I the only one that experiences this?
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-27-2009, 11:24 AM
My wife and I only have sex about once ever ten months. The rest of the time she either is cooking up a Soldier for Christ© (aka a 'bun in the oven) or is a bit too stretched out of shape for my liking. But you are right, we have never 'done it' on Thanksgiving. Though I have to say I usually am asleep on the couch by 3 PM and stay there until the following day.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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America's Most Fair and Balanced Judge
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Posts: 2,611
Join Date: Jun 2009
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-27-2009, 04:14 PM
Rev. Jim:
It may well be reason #3. The one about the bed all covered with coats and your wife being a little weary from the day.
Have you considered leading her out to your garage and taking advantage of all that room in the back of your Escalade?
I, myself, often take the missus out to the bed of my F350 4X4 and use an inflatable mattress. Having her blow up the mattress helps both of us get ready. Me watching and her blowing.
The Honorable HTannor (Pro NRA, Anti-Homer Marriage), Judge, Freehold Supreme Court
"Credo elvem etiam vivere"
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Pastor of Hermeneutics and Apologetics Bathed in Christ's Precious Blood Apostle to the Cactuses, Tumbleweeds and Jackrabbits
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Posts: 14,181
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: With my nose stuck in the Bible.
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-27-2009, 05:19 PM
Reverend,
I'm not sure what her wishes or mood have to do with anything. If you're feeling a bit randy like making another Soldier for Christ®, just wait until the turkey hits her and she feels like taking a nap.
Christians are superior because we possess an understanding that unbelievers lack. It is through the Power of Jesus only the converted mind is able to understand what is going on in the world; what the Communists are really up to; what Satan's intentions are. Most unbelievers do not even believe in Satan and cannot understand his tactics.
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Unsaved trash
Under Investigation
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Posts: 7
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Location: The far North
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-27-2009, 06:25 PM
I must agree in part with Mr Jones, "her mood" may also be affected by the turkey, and combined with reason 1, she is probably too tired to fight you off. I know this was the case for myself a month ago on real thanksgiving.
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Pastor for Diversity and Tolerance Christ's Rottweiler
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Location: Toiling selflessly towards Salvation
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-27-2009, 07:03 PM
I have a theory that Demoncrat turkey producers are putting stuff in turkeys and selling them off at cheap prices subsidised by Obama. Whilst the nation sleeps socialism is being created.
The price of freedom is eternal vigilance.
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True Christian™
True Christian™
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Posts: 6,751
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Location: Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry, Redding, CA
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-28-2009, 06:35 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne
Do other men get sexual intercourse from their wives on Thanksgiving? Am I the only one that experiences this?
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Rev. Jim, I must say I'm a bit shocked to learn that a man in such high standing with the Lord is experiencing this particular problem. What, pray tell, do you're wife's desires have to do with whether the two of you have sex? Surely Mrs. Osborne, being a good Christian woman, is intimately familiar with 1 Peter:
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands.... Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. 1 Peter 3:1-6
Ask and it shall be given onto you, Pastor. Knock and the door shall be opened.
Draft Freehold, Iowa Mayor
Johny Joe Hold
for Vice President in 2024
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Posts: 136
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-28-2009, 08:34 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne
FOR MEN 18+ ONLY. ALL OTHERS IMMEDIATELY CLOSE THIS WINDOW!
I want to bring up a sensitive subject to my True Christian™ brothers on this board. I have noticed that I never seem to get sex from my wife on Thanksgiving. Why is that? On our birthdays, there's always a special late-night "birthday gift" that we give to each other. But on Thanksgiving, it seems like she is never in the mood.
I have many theories why...
1) She may be tired after 12+ hours of work including preperation, decorations, cooking, serving, hosting, entertaining, clean-up, etc.
2) She may be jealous whenever I invite a new, young, pretty female parishoner to our Thanksgiving as a special guest.
3) There's a lot of coats on the bed and she's too lazy to move them.
I've noticed this pattern for years, not just with this wife, but all five that I've had. Do other men get sexual intercourse from their wives on Thanksgiving? Am I the only one that experiences this?
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Why is this even being debated? According to the good book, a woman is always in subjection to her husband. Ask and ye shall receive, ask and ye shall receive.
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Posts: 403
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-28-2009, 12:26 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by James Hutchins
a bit too stretched out of shape for my liking
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What, the turkey? I dont get it...
Upon the wicked he shall rain snares, fire and brimstone, and an horrible tempest: this shall be the portion of their cup. (Psalm 11:6)
GOD HATES FAGS
Romans 1:18-32, 1 Corinthians 6:9-11, 1 Timothy 1:8-11, Jude 7, etc
DEATH PENALTY FOR FAGS
WHITE AND PROUD
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
12-26-2009, 01:30 PM
I think it's because they're to tired. Having people around and having to cook for everyone can be quite stressfull, my wife says.
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True Christian™ Just a Regular Nice Guy
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Posts: 29,835
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Between Lynchburg and Walton's Mountain
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
12-26-2009, 01:44 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by BrianAddams
I think it's because they're to tired. Having people around and having to cook for everyone can be quite stressfull, my wife says.
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What a load of BS.
A woman feels honored to be needed. To be able to clean and cook for her men is the second highest honor a female can attain. The first being, of course, providing a male son. Any woman who states she is too tired after merely doing her job as a female of cooking and cleaning is not a Godly woman and should be switched. Failing to be available to produce a male son is inexcusable.
Isaiah 45:7 I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil: I the LORD do all these things.
Amos 3:6 Shall a trumpet be blown in the city, and the people not be afraid? shall there be evil in a city, and the LORD hath not done it?
Numbers 21:6 And the LORD sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people; and much people of Israel died.
Matthew 10:34 Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword.
Matthew 10:35 For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.
Matthew 10:36 And a man's foes shall be they of his own household.
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Putting the "stud" back in Bible Study
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Posts: 79,909
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Freehold, Iowa
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-24-2011, 02:39 PM
The question remains unanswered....
Here is a partial list from just a few scripture verses:
Hypocrites (Matthew 24:51), The Unforgiving (Mark 11:26), Homosexuals (Romans 1:26, 27), Fornicators (Romans 1:29), The Wicked (Romans 1:29), The Covetous (Romans 1:29), The Malicious (Romans 1:29), The Envious (Romans 1:29), Murderers (Romans 1:29), The Deceitful (Romans 1:29), Backbiters (Romans 1:30), Haters of God (Romans 1:30), The Despiteful (Romans 1:30), The Proud (Romans 1:30), Boasters (Romans 1:30), Inventors of evil (Romans 1:30), Disobedient to parents (Romans 1:30), Covenant breakers (Romans 1:31), The Unmerciful (Romans 1:31), The Implacable (Romans 1:31), The Unrighteous (1Corinthians 6:9), Idolaters (1Corinthians 6:9), Adulterers (1Corinthians 6:9), The Effeminate (1Corinthians 6:9), Thieves (1Corinthians 6:10), Drunkards (1Corinthians 6:10), Reviler (1Corinthians 6:10), Extortioners (1Corinthians 6:10), The Fearful (Revelation 21:8), The Unbelieving (Revelation 21:8), The Abominable (Revelation 21:8), Whoremongers (Revelation 21:8), Sorcerers (Revelation 21:8), All Liars (Revelation 21:8)
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-24-2011, 04:56 PM
My memory isn't as good as it used to be, but I don't think I've ever had sex on Thanksgiving.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Former Mary Hailer who has seen The Light©
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Location: Surrounded By Married Homos and Baby Killers in Godless England
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-24-2011, 05:03 PM
Being tired is no excuse. It's not like they have to do anything during procreation.
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Trying to out-Methuselah Methuselah You kids get off his lawn!
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-24-2011, 05:06 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne
I have noticed that I never seem to get sex from my wife on Thanksgiving.
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It's a discipline problem. Just hit her on her head with a Bible until she stops protesting.
Freedom means voting for Donald Trump!
To most "Christians" The Bible is like a license agreement. They just scroll to the bottom and click "I agree". All those "Christians" will burn in Hell!
James 2:10 "For whosoever shall keep the whole law, and yet offend in one point, he is guilty of all."
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Moderator Arms Dealer for CHRIST Hands folded for Jesus
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-24-2011, 06:28 PM
I don't recall reading anywhere in the Bible where it says you don't get to have sex if your wife is tired.
If she's that tired she can just sleep while you do your husbandly duty.
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Walking in all the commandments and ordinances of the Lord blameless.
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-24-2011, 06:31 PM
Thanksgiving is for three things: eating and football and naps.
Throwing a coupling in there would ruin everything.
Posted via Mobile Device
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Municipal Code Archivist - Deuteronomy 28:58 Christ's Guardian
True Christian™
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Posts: 23,743
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Mostly on the front porch.
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-24-2011, 06:38 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Zechariah Smyth
Thanksgiving is for three things: eating and football and naps.
Throwing a coupling in there would ruin everything.
Posted via Mobile Device
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It's football, naps, eating, naps, eating, and then more football.
May you be a blessing to every life you touch.
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Honorary True Christian™
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-24-2011, 08:28 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rev. Jim Osborne
I have noticed that I never seem to get sex from my wife on Thanksgiving. Why is that?
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Brother, I've noticed that I never seem to get sex from your wife on Thanksgiving, either.
...
...
That's just a little joke there. Forgive my humor!
It's quite possible that the "tryptophan" in the turkey (makes you sleepy) makes her tired.
I suggest you offer her some "special stuffing" early Thanksgiving morning, before she's gotten all "tryppy".
Bible boring? Nonsense!
Try Bible in a Year with Brother V, or join Shirlee and the kids as they discuss Real Bible Stories!
You can't be a Christian if you don't know God's Word!
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True Christian™ Televangelist Director of Fundraising and Tithing On the Look Out for Wife #6!
True Christian™
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Posts: 8,727
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Apostles Grove, Freehold, Iowa
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Re: MEN ONLY - Thanksgiving and Sex: Why doesn't it ever happen? -
11-25-2011, 09:16 PM
Well, as I have divorced my fifth wife Leanne since this was last posted, I am waiting to see if this will be applicable to future wife #6. There's an 18 year old blonde girl that candy stripes at Freehold Memorial who has been catching my eye....
Watch the #1 Televangelist Gospel Hour in the World! "Turn or Burn: Accept Christ or Go to Hell with Rev. Jim Osborne." Check your local cable listings.
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