[Yea-tho-we-walk]

Is it possible to expect a special break from Jesus and His Dad for my gayness that wasn't my fault? Here's my heartbreaking story. When I was two and a half years old, my older brother, who was Bart Simpson like, would get a Sears catalog out and hold up pictures in front of my face. Every time I would be shown a picture of a man in his underwear, my brother would give me a Skittle or a few M&M's and when I was shown a picture of a woman in her bra and panties, he would smack me with a tightly rolled up newspaper directly to the head. As the years of this treatment began to sink in, my homosexuality began to rear it's demon encrusted head until I was a flaming queer at six years old. I wrestled with my forced condition for many years, but as soon as I felt like I was starting to make progress, I would find myself back in an all male three-way yet again. With prayer and devotion, I feel that I have finally overcome my gayness at 49 years old and am proud to say I have not had a homosexual experience in almost three days now, thanks to Jesus I am completely cured!

[Zechariah Smyth]

Brother Yea, these oven-fresh stories of redemption warm my heart. The very fact that you've cast off the queersexural demons for three whole days in a row (the length of Jesus' temporary death, by the way) is a testament to the power and glory of God!



YiC,

Zech

[see_the_light]

Maybe GOD had a reason not to stone you cold 46 years ago after all...

PRAISE THE LORD!

[Johny Joe Hold]

Originally Posted by see_the_light

Maybe GOD had a reason not to stone you cold 46 years ago after all...

PRAISE THE LORD!

We're here to support one another. Unlike atheists, we are positive and encouraging.

If you make it through the week we need to have an exgay celebration.

[Alvin Moss]

The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations... II Peter 2:9

[Mistress Cookie]

Originally Posted by Johny Joe Hold

We're here to support one another...If you make it through the week we need to have an exgay celebration.

And I have just the cake, showing you climbing ever UPWARD on your journey to True™ Heterosexual Marriage!

[Naomi Ruth Lamb]

Oh, Cookie, that's lovely! I'll be happy to help make such a cake if YTWW passes the Pastor Zeke Ultimate Test of Ex-Gayness. I can't help but think Dr. Niles should also interview him just to be absolutely sure.

Brother Yea, It is not my place to intrude, but I encourage you to rid your home of all things gaywise. That Michaelangelo's David statue? Gone. Your subscription to Architectural Digest? Poor idea. If you have any Judy Garland on your iPod (or, Horrors! - any of her vinyl recordings) you should immediately remove them.

As a final test, Dr. Niles, perhaps you could allow Brother Yea to spend some time with your nephew. Do let us all know how this works out.

Brother Yea, I think it's wonderful that you have asked the Lord to cleanse you of demonic possession in the form of queerishness. I shall pray daily for your immediate and miraculous healing.

Be strong!
NRL

[ditzy dinah]

Originally Posted by see_the_light

Maybe GOD had a reason not to stone you cold 46 years ago after all...

PRAISE THE LORD!

Um. God doesn't stone people right? Didn't Jesus save a woman from being stoned for adultery?

[Pim Pendergast]

Originally Posted by dinahtzedek

Um. God doesn't stone people right? Didn't Jesus save a woman from being stoned for adultery?

God Himself doesn't stone anyone, but He advocates it in the Bible. The following sins that deserve death by stoning:

Touching mount Sinai.
Exodus 19:13 Whosoever toucheth the mount shall be surely put to death.

Taking accursed things.
Joshua 7:1-26 Achan ... took of the accursed thing. ... And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. ... So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger.

Blasphemy
Leviticus 24:16 And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.

Getting raped in a city
Deuteronomy 22:23-24 If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city.

Not being a virgin on your wedding night
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say ... these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. ... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die.

Worshipping other gods
Deuteronomy 17:2-5 If there be found among you ... that ... hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them ... Then shalt thou ... tone them with stones, till they die.
Deuteronomy 13:5-10 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers ... thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die.
Leviticus 20:2 Whosoever ... giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.

Disobeying your parents
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother ... Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city ... And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die.

Witchcraft
Leviticus 20:27 A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Breaking the Sabbath
Numbers 15:32-56 They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. ... And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones.... And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.

Cursing the king
1 Kings 21:10 Thou didst blaspheme God and the king. And then carry him out, and stone him, that he may die.

[ditzy dinah]

Originally Posted by Pim Pendergast

God Himself doesn't stone anyone, but He advocates it in the Bible. The following sins that deserve death by stoning:

Touching mount Sinai.
Exodus 19:13 Whosoever toucheth the mount shall be surely put to death.

Taking accursed things.
Joshua 7:1-26 Achan ... took of the accursed thing. ... And all Israel stoned him with stones, and burned them with fire, after they had stoned them with stones. ... So the LORD turned from the fierceness of his anger.

Blasphemy
Leviticus 24:16 And he that blasphemeth the name of the LORD, he shall surely be put to death, and all the congregation shall certainly stone him.

Getting raped in a city
Deuteronomy 22:23-24 If a damsel that is a virgin be betrothed unto an husband, and a man find her in the city, and lie with her; Then ye shall bring them both out unto the gate of that city, and ye shall stone them with stones that they die; the damsel, because she cried not, being in the city.

Not being a virgin on your wedding night
Deuteronomy 22:13-21 If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her ... and say, I took this woman, and when I came to her, I found her not a maid: Then shall the father of the damsel, and her mother, take and bring forth the tokens of the damsel's virginity unto the elders of the city in the gate: And the damsel's father shall say ... these are the tokens of my daughter's virginity. And they shall spread the cloth before the elders of the city. ... But if this thing be true, and the tokens of virginity be not found for the damsel: Then they shall bring out the damsel to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her with stones that she die.

Worshipping other gods
Deuteronomy 17:2-5 If there be found among you ... that ... hath gone and served other gods, and worshipped them ... Then shalt thou ... tone them with stones, till they die.
Deuteronomy 13:5-10 If thy brother, the son of thy mother, or thy son, or thy daughter, or the wife of thy bosom, or thy friend, which is as thine own soul, entice thee secretly, saying, Let us go and serve other gods, which thou hast not known, thou, nor thy fathers ... thou shalt stone him with stones, that he die.
Leviticus 20:2 Whosoever ... giveth any of his seed unto Molech; he shall surely be put to death: the people of the land shall stone him with stones.

Disobeying your parents
Deuteronomy 21:18-21 If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father, or the voice of his mother ... Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him, and bring him out unto the elders of his city ... And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious, he will not obey our voice; he is a glutton, and a drunkard. And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones, that he die.

Witchcraft
Leviticus 20:27 A man also or woman that hath a familiar spirit, or that is a wizard, shall surely be put to death: they shall stone them with stones: their blood shall be upon them.

Breaking the Sabbath
Numbers 15:32-56 They found a man that gathered sticks upon the sabbath day. ... And the LORD said unto Moses, The man shall be surely put to death: all the congregation shall stone him with stones.... And all the congregation brought him without the camp, and stoned him with stones, and he died; as the LORD commanded Moses.

Cursing the king
1 Kings 21:10 Thou didst blaspheme God and the king. And then carry him out, and stone him, that he may die.

So then shouldn't that woman have been stoned? Why did Jesus save her? How is she different form anybody else?

[KateSanders]

Wow very inspirational that you have finally overcome your temptations! Stay strong and don't resort back to gayness. Praise the Lord!

[Freddy Osborne]

As Sister Lamb pointed, it is best to remove anything from your presence that may trigger unexpected gayness.

These sooty sausages sound especially unclean:

Deuteronomy 14
8 And the swine, because it divideth the hoof, yet cheweth not the cud, it is unclean unto you: ye shall not eat of their flesh, nor touch their dead carcase.


The paler chicken sausages are typically smaller, definitely cleaner, and perhaps less likely to trigger any latent homer flashbacks.

My prayers are with you.

[WWJDnow]

Originally Posted by Yea-tho-we-walk

I feel that I have finally overcome my gayness at 49 years old and am proud to say I have not had a homosexual experience in almost three days now, thanks to Jesus I am completely cured!

If you've made it three days without backsliding (no pun intended), then you are now 110% heterosexual. This just goes to show you how powerful prayer can be when it comes to changing a simple lifestyle choice such as homosexuality.